


Chapped

by omgahgase



Category: GOT7
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, JB is too old to be taking care of 5 sons, Jackson doesn't know what a fucking shirt is, Jinyoung and JB are best friends, Jinyoung has like 27 mental breakdowns, Late Night Conversations, Park Gae, Possessive Jackson, Rating May Change, Wang Gae, Youngjae is a ball of sunshine, jinson, mark is tired, side 2jae, slight angst, slightly jealous Jackson, the maknaes are little shits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2019-10-12 03:37:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 82,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17459903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgahgase/pseuds/omgahgase
Summary: Jackson had dry lips and Jinyoung just wants to read his book. A series of incidents that surround chapstick cause these two to realize they love each other in more ways than one, resulting in late-night conversations and lots of cuddling.





	1. Let Me Hold Your Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I'm not dead!! I know it's been over 6 months since I posted something, but I have a very good reason for all of that: GOT7 took over my life and I completely let them. I'm back into the kpop scene and living my best life loving 7 crackheads. I'm sorry I haven't been able to update my current Bonrin series or show any signs of life on Tumblr. I've mostly been on Twitter lol. But I'm back with a brand new fic! This is Jinson centered because Jackson Wang and Park Jinyoung got me by the throat lmao. This will be a multi-chaptered fic, still deciding on how many chapters it will be. but more than 4. This is my first out of many more to come about my boys, I hope you guys enjoy it.

Looking back on it, all this started with chapstick and ended with Jackson pinned to a wall.  
  
It’s not his fault that he has dry lips, it just happens. It’s either because of the sun, AC or because he hasn’t had any water. Honestly, it’s annoying.   
  
From having constant dry lips, Jackson has developed a sort of habit. Every few minutes he’d poke his tongue out and wet his lips. Nothing harmless, just a simple swipe of the muscle and he’s fine. No dry lips, no harm was done. Well, to him that is.   
  
“Can you stop that?”   
  
Jackson paused his typing on his laptop to look above the rims of his glasses. Jinyoung was on the opposite end of the room on the floor, a book held in his hand and an annoyed expression on his face.   
  
“Stop what?” Jackson carefully adjusted his glasses so they sat comfortably on his nose.   
  
Jinyoung sighed like talking was too much effort. “That thing you do. It’s annoying.”   
  
The older man let out a small chuckle. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”   
  
Jinyoung narrowed his eyes. He knew Jackson was messing with him and he wasn’t so keen on the idea. The black haired man looked at the book in his lap and dog eared his current page. He closed the book and stood from where he sat on the floor against the wall. He made his way over to Jackson who was propped up against the headboard of his bed, sitting with his legs crossed.   
  
“C’mon, let’s go.” The taller man held out his hand to a confused Jackson.   
  
Jackson raised an eyebrow at the limb presented to him. “Where are we going? We just got back from dinner.”   
  
“We’re going to the store to buy you some lip balm,” said Jinyoung as he nodded towards the door. “That tongue thing you do is pissing me off and I can’t read my book.”   
  
Jackson rolled his eyes as he closed his laptop and placed it on the nightstand next to his bed. “Why does it bother you? It’s just a thing I do.” He removed his glasses and placed them next to his laptop.   
  
“A thing that you have to do every two minutes. Ever since we entered this room, you’ve licked your lips 17 times within the past hour.” Jinyoung got tired of standing so he plopped himself on the bed, his feet still planted on the floor. He turned his head to look at his friend as he poked Jackson’s leg. “You have a problem.”   
  
Jackson laughed at the younger man beside him. In all honesty, he found it cute that Jinyoung was annoyed. He has a small pout on his face and his eyebrows were slightly pinched together. When he looked at Jackson, his eyes shone with irritation, but there was always that playful sparkle.   
  
Jackson maneuvered himself so he was lying perpendicular to the man beside him. He propped his head on his left hand while his other hand found its way into Jinyoung’s black hair. Jackson ran his fingers through those soft locks, liking the relaxed face Jinyoung wore. “You know, If you spent less time looking at my mouth then you could actually read.”   
  
The younger’s dark brown eyes narrowed. He then closed them and sighed, relishing in the feeling of having his hair played with. “Well besides your ego, your mouth is the biggest thing on your body.”   
  
Jackson snorted. “Well you know, that’s not the biggest-“   
  
“I swear if you make a dick joke I’ll shove this book down your throat.”   
  
Jackson let out a laugh, one that had Jinyoung smiling and chuckling along with him. The hand buried in Jinyoung’s hair made its way to his left arm, lazily drawing circles on his unexposed skin. Jackson’s glad he got Jinyoung as a roommate this time. Don’t get him wrong, he loves the others and he enjoys their company. But there’s something about rooming with Jinyoung that makes Jackson feel warm and fuzzy inside.   
  
“So are we gonna go?” Asked younger man. “I’d like to buy some juice too.”   
  
Jackson groaned. “Alright fine, but I want to pick the flavor.” Before he stood up Jackson pinched Jinyoung’s arm, earning him a yelp of surprise and a quick smack to the chest.   
  
The two friends grabbed jackets from the closet and their wallets from the bedside tables. While putting on his shoes, the brown-haired man noticed that Jinyoung wasn’t wearing his own hoodie, but Jackson’s one. He doesn’t know how Jinyoung could mix up the jackets, his is mostly plain hoodies and sweaters while Jackson’s attire is leather jackets or tracksuits. Jackson didn’t want to admit it, but he liked Jinyoung wearing his clothes. Maybe it’s his possessive streak talking, but he found it appealing when Jinyoung would steal a hoodie or ask for his shirt. He likes knowing Jinyoung feels comfortable in his clothes.   
  
“C’mon, let's go.”   
  
Jackson snapped out of his trance that said the man had over him and finished tying his shoes. He snatched his hat from the bathroom and room card from the table next to the door. By the time he closed the door, Jinyoung was a few feet in front of him. The pair made their way to the elevator and stepped inside. They were the only ones in there so it was quiet, a little too quiet for Jackson’s liking despite the cheerful music playing from the speakers. He turned his head to look at Jinyoung.   
  
The taller man noticed Jackson’s staring and raised an eyebrow. “May I help you? Is there something on my face?”   
  
“I have to tell you something.”   
  
Jinyoung’s full attention was on the brown-haired man now. “What is it?”   
  
Jackson cupped his hand around Jinyoung’s ear. In a hushed tone, he whispered, “Wang gae.”   
  
The laugh that erupted from Jinyoung sent butterflies to Jackson’s stomach. He loved Jinyoung’s laugh, but he loved the smile that was present even more. It’s a shame that a beautiful smile is always behind his hand. Sometimes Jackson would rather have that hand in his own than covering that smile.   
  
Jackson actually thought about grabbing Jinyoung’s hand when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. The shorter man had to restrict his movements as the two walked out and proceeded to the hotel's doors. Jinyoung whipped his phone out and Googled the closest convenience store. He looked to the right and pointed. “There’s one that way, past that café.”   
  
Jackson perked up. “Wanna go get some coffee and pie?”   
  
“You’re still hungry? You ate two huge plates of meat at dinner.”   
  
Jackson shrugged. “My appetite is also the biggest thing about me.”   
  
“Well, out of all the big things about you, your height still isn’t one of them.”   
  
Jinyoung deserved the punch to his arm, but his smile made Jackson forgive him. Not by much, but enough to where he didn’t sock him again.   
  
The two friends crossed the street and leisurely strolled down the sidewalk. They would occasionally bump shoulders as one of them would point to a store display or sign advertising a brand. At one point they walked past an Adidas store and Jackson had to literally drag Jinyoung away before he could draw a mustache on one of Jackson’s promotion posters.   
  
“It would add character,” the taller man said as they walked away, a smirk gracing his lips. “Some facial hair wouldn’t hurt you. It could enhance your ruggedly handsome features.”   
  
Jackson rolled his eyes. “Says the one who told me I looked homeless after not shaving for two days.”   
  
“In my defense, you also wore baggy sweatpants, Yugyeom’s shirt with the holes, and your hair was a rats-nest.”   
  
“We were at home! I was in my comfy clothes!”   
  
“You also looked like you needed a job!”   
  
At that Jackson couldn’t hold in his laughter any longer. He threw his head back in joy as his high pitched cackle erupted from his mouth. He gripped onto Jinyoung’s sleeve, bouncing up and down. When he finally caught his breath, Jackson looked to Jinyoung who had his eyes crinkled with delight. He wore a fond smile as he watched the shorter man regain his composure. Jinyoung let out a chuckle at Jackson’s childish antics and nodded down the street.   
  
“C’mon, the store is down there.”   
  
Jackson nodded. He was about to let go of his friend's sleeve, but Jinyoung had other ideas. He pulled his arm free and latched onto Jackson’s hand, intertwining their fingers. Jinyoung started walking down the sidewalk, pulling Jackson along.   
  
To say that Jackson was happy to hold Jinyoung’s hand is an understatement. He was _ecstatic_. His pulse jumped when the warm fingers graced his own. Jackson’s rough hand, still calloused from years of fencing, felt right in Jinyoung’s soft hand. It felt like it belonged there and Jackson wasn’t about to separate them. He pulled down the front of his cap to hide his light blush.   
  
They finally made it to the small convenience store nestled between a flower shop and hat store. This time it was Jinyoung who had to drag Jackson away before he could enter the small shop.   
  
“We’re here to buy juice. Not watch you blow half your wallet on hats.” Jinyoung pushed the brown-haired man into the store, almost tripping over his own feet in the process. “You’re already wearing one, you don’t need a new one.”   
  
“But Jinyoungie-“   
  
“Oh look, mangos.”   
  
Jinyoung wandered aimlessly through the store, commenting on certain foods, while Jackson followed him with a small pout. The younger stopped at the juice aisle, thinking about what to buy as he tossed his mango in the air. Jackson came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Jinyoung’s waist. He placed his chin on his shoulder and looked at the black haired man's reflection in the glass door. Jackson let loose a whine, wanting Jinyoung to hurry up and choose a flavor.   
  
“You’ve been staring at this cooler for three minutes.”   
  
“I’m looking at my options.”   
  
“Pick something.”   
  
“Shut up.”   
  
Jackson groaned as he buried his face in Jinyoung’s neck. He let out a puff of air, tickling the other's neck in the process. He returned his head to the spot on Jinyoung’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Jackson felt content like this, just holding the younger and waiting for him to choose, but he was getting impatient. He turned his head so his mouth was close to the other's ear and tugged on Jinyoung’s sleeve.   
  
In a low voice, Jackson whispered, “Still don’t know what you want?”   
  
Jinyoung grunted. His eyes were still focused on the juice cooler with his hand tucked under his chin. “I’m getting there.”   
  
“You know what I want?” Jackson asked as he tightened his arms around the other man, pressing his chest to the younger’s back.   
  
If Jackson shifted his eyes to their reflections on the glass door, then he could see the blush bloom on Jinyoung’s cheeks. His facial expression stayed the same as when he first stepped to the cooler, but his cheeks burned a bright red at the older man's deep voice. Jinyoung wanted to make a snarky remark, but he also didn’t want the moment to be ruined. He wanted to see how far this little game could go.   
  
Jinyoung let his hand that was under his chin drop to Jackson’s hands around his waist. He stroked the others knuckles as his eyes landed on a fruity drink. “Enlighten me.”   
  
“To head back to the hotel.”   
  
Jinyoung pinched Jackson’s arm. Jackson bit Jinyoung’s shoulder.   
  
“Oh my God, you freakin toddler,” Jinyoung said. He broke free from Jackson’s grasp, opened the cooler, and grabbed a strawberry flavored juice. He whipped around to face Jackson and flicked his forehead. “There, happy now?”   
  
The shorter man mimicked Jinyoung in a mocking tone as he rubbed his head. He turned, heading to the register, when the cuff of his jacket was grabbed, forcing Jackson to stop and let out a choked gasp.   
  
“We’re not done yet. We still need to find the chapstick.”   
  
The pair made their way to the cosmetic aisle and found the lip balm section with ease. Jinyoung looked at the different flavors and uses while Jackson grabbed the first one he saw.   
  
“Okay I’m done, let’s go.”   
  
“You’re not even gonna look at the other ones?” Asked the taller man as he read the back of a small box. “What if you’re allergic to something?”   
  
“Then I could puff up while at the hotel.” Jackson placed both his hands on Jinyoung’s shoulder and pushed him towards the register. “Now let's go.”   
  
The pair finally made it to the front of the store, standing in front of a young girl who looked like she wanted to be anywhere else but here. She was watching a video on her phone when she finally looked up and her eyes widened. For a split second, Jackson thought she knew who they were, but her eyes locked onto Jinyoung without the usual squeal of shock. She shoved her phone in her pocket and gave him a million-watt smile.   
  
“Hello, did you find everything okay?” She asked in a sweet voice.   
  
Jinyoung smiled back, his eyes crinkling a bit. “Yes we did, thank you.”   
  
“I’m glad.” She started to ring up their things, her eyes sneaking glances at the man in front of her.   
  
Jackson didn’t know why, but he didn’t like this one bit. He could tell from the get-go that she thought he was handsome. Who wouldn’t? Jinyoung is very handsome, with his cute smile and the way his hair falls nicely on his forehead and how his voice alone can charm just about anyone. But for some reason, the way that this girl was looking at Jinyoung ticked Jackson off. When fans look at them, it’s with love and adoration. But this girl’s gaze had the same feeling as a lion stalking their prey. It made Jackson stand just a little closer to the other man, not enough to where they’re touching, but enough for the girl to notice.   
  
She finished scanning their items and started placing them in a small bag. She tapped the screen in front of her and was about to tell them the cost when Jinyoung’s phone rang. He fished the device out of his pocket, a picture of Jaebeom with a hotdog halfway in his mouth showed up on screen.   
  
Jinyoung turned to Jackson. “I forgot to text JB and tell him where we are. I’ll talk to him outside, you finish here.”   
  
Jinyoung pressed his phone and greeted their leader. He was about to walk out the doors when Jackson called out, “Wait!”   
  
When he looks back on it, Jackson didn’t really need to stop him, but he needed to make a point. So his next choice of actions was totally on impulse, but he would gladly do it again. When Jinyoung stopped mid-step at the doors, Jackson walked over to him and, this is where Jackson would do it again, palmed his ass for his wallet. It was quick, a simple slide up and his hand was in Jinyoung’s back pocket, snatching his wallet.   
  
Jinyoung looked at Jackson with a raised eyebrow. “I’m paying?”   
  
“You dragged me over here, you pay.”   
  
The grin that appeared on Jinyoung’s face made Jackson’s insides twist. “Alright then, don’t take too long.”   
  
Jackson returned the smile as he watched Jinyoung (okay he looked at his ass too, can’t blame him though) walk out the automatic doors. He made his way back to the counter to find the girl with a slight blush on her cheeks. She tried to duck her head, using her hair as coverage, while she said the total. Jackson knew she saw that little scene, a part of him hoped she saw it so she wouldn’t look at Jinyoung like he was a full course meal (even though he was). He didn’t know why his possessiveness decided to jump out now, but it was bound to happen at one point.   
  
Jackson handed the girl a couple of bills and grabbed the plastic bag off the counter. The girl opened the register and started to count the change. As she tore the receipt off the printer she said, “You and your boyfriend are really cute. I saw you two hugging and the way you look at him. It’s adorable.”   
  
For a split second, Jackson’s brain short-circuited. “W-what? Me and him? N-no, he’s just-“ Jackson stuttered to a stop and looked at the girl with heat rising to his face. She had a small smile and her head cocked to the left. Boyfriend? Jinyoung? As if the other man could ever look at Jackson differently then as a bandmate and best friend. He knew he loved Jinyoung, but did Jackson’s love go deeper than friends? Did his feelings change sometime during their years together that he doesn’t actually mind if Jinyoung loved him in that way?   
  
Jackson looked out the glass window. Jinyoung was still on the phone with JB, his body was facing the store, but his head ducked low. When he finally looked up, their eyes met and Jinyoung gave Jackson a sweet smile and small wave. Jackson’s heart did a flip. Yeah, he wouldn’t mind at all if feelings changed.   
  
The Chinese man took the change from the girl. “Thanks, he really is something. Have a good night.” Jackson waved and walked out of the store to hear the end of his friend's conversation.   
  
“JB, we’re not doing anything-oh, my God, shut up.” Pause. “No, we just went to the store because I was thirsty. No, not that kind of-why do I put up with you?” Pause. “Yeah yeah, love you too asshole.” Jinyoung chuckled into the receiver, covering his laugh with his right hand. “We’re walking back to the hotel now. Okay, see you in the morning. Bye.” Jinyoung finally hung up and placed his phone in his jacket pockets.   
  
“Hey, everything okay?” Asked Jackson as he passed the bag so Jinyoung could grab his drink.   
  
“Yeah, everything’s fine. JB was just overreacting. He went into our room, realized we left and figured we went out to have a night on the town.” Jinyoung opened his bottle and took a sip. “He had a little freakout but Youngjae calmed him down.”   
  
Jackson rolled his eyes. Of course, Youngjae calmed him down, that little ball of sunshine has Jaebeom wrapped around his finger. He could enter a room and Jaebeom’s whole mood would shift 180 degrees.   
  
Jackson took a few steps towards Jinyoung so they were shoulder to shoulder. “We should get going before he sends the maknaes after us.”   
  
Jinyoung snorted. “Don’t worry, we can distract them with shiny things and chocolate shakes.”   
  
The pair shared a laugh before departing from the store. They walked down the street, watching as shops closed for the night and lights dimmed. This time Jackson didn’t hesitate to slip his hand into Jinyoung’s warm one. His thumb rubbing small circles against the other's skin. This time, Jackson didn’t pull down his cap to hide his blush. This time, his blush matched Jinyoung’s own.


	2. Green Mango or Yellow Mango?

The walk back to the hotel was shorter due to the crowd lessening. Shop owners were sweeping their entrances and closing signs. There were a handful of drunk people singing off tune songs along the sidewalk, resulting in Jackson singing the same song to Jinyoung. The smile that would break that otherwise stone face was the only thing that kept Jackson warm on a chilly night.  
  
By the time the pair made it to the hotel, it was half-past eleven. They entered the elevator and Jinyoung pressed their floor. His ears were slightly red from the nippy air and his hair was tousled a bit. Jackson couldn’t help but stare at him.  
  
“You’re doing it again.”  
  
“Doing what?” A grin crept up on his face.  
  
“Staring at me.” Jinyoung gave him the side eye. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”  
  
Jackson has never whipped his phone out faster. He released Jinyoung’s hand (he refused to let go until they entered the hotel) and took a step back. Jinyoung chuckled as Jackson tried to find a good angle. Once he did, a torrent of snapping sounds exploded from his phone. The older man moved around as much as he could in a small space and continued to take photo after photo of his friend.  
  
Jinyoung couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips when Jackson squatted down, completely focused on getting all his good features. “You’re ridiculous. I bet you just took twenty pictures of me.”  
  
Jackson stood up. “Thirty-four actually. Here, I got a few really good ones.” He handed his phone to the other and watched as he scrolled through the photos.  
  
Jinyoung was surprised Jackson took a few good pictures. He kept scrolling till his eyes landed on one that surpassed all the rest. His head was turned slightly to the right, looking down, making his jawline look sharper. His hair was the right amount of messy, like a bed head, but it still looked good. The mirrored wall reflected Jinyoung’s small grin, a grin that made it seem like he was up to no good.  
  
“I really like this one,” he said as he handed Jackson back his phone. “You should post it.”  
  
“How about you post it? You’ve been kinda inactive on social media lately. Give the fans a little something once and while.”  
  
Jinyoung patted his friend's shoulder, he wore an amused expression, the kind someone would give a mindless puppy. “That’s funny, but no.”  
  
The elevator dinged and the doors opened. The pair walked out and made their way towards their room, trying not to make any noise. They don’t need Jaebeom giving them a lecture in the middle of a hotel hallway at midnight. Once inside Jackson made a show of removing his jacket then dive bombing onto his bed. He toed off his shoes and borrowed under the blankets, emitting a loud sigh. He wiggled under the sheets until he was cocooned in a mass of white.  
  
Jinyoung removed his jacket and shoes, placing them next to his suitcase, a small smile gracing his face as he watched his best friend. He likes it when Jackson’s inner toddler would show, it shows that no matter how old he gets, he’s still a kid at heart. A five-year-old in the body of a 24-year-old.  
  
“Jinyoungie,” said the pile of white on the bed in a sing-song voice. Jackson squirmed until just his head popped out of the blankets. “Cut up the mango, I want some.”  
  
The black haired man scoffed. Yup, this guy is an actual toddler. Jinyoung moved to his bed and brought out the fruit. “And who said I was going to share with you?”  
  
“I did,” said Jackson as he climbed out of his blanket cave. “And I would hit you over the head with a pillow if you didn’t.”  
  
“Wow, ever the gentleman, aren’t we?” Jinyoung dug out a plastic knife from the bag, followed by his yellow mango. He looked back at Jackson and smiled at a fond memory. “Hey remember when you asked me if I like green or yellow mango at that one press conference?”  
  
Jackson let loose a fit of giggles. “Then you responded with ‘I like you’ right after.”  
  
“I’m not a food, okay?” Jinyoung said in his best Jackson imitation. The younger male chuckled at how embarrassed he was in those few minutes. He didn’t mean to blurt out that statement, it just came naturally. After the conference, he played it off by explaining it was for fan service. Jinyoung started to peel the fruit. It started to get sticky so he rummaged in the bag for napkins while brushing against the pack of chapstick. “Here, make use of these.” He tossed the pack to his friend who caught it with ease.  
  
“I still don’t understand why you dragged me to the store just to buy lip balm.” Jackson ripped the cardboard open and inspected the first one. He let out a small squeal of delight. “Look, it’s peach flavored!”

“I didn’t know you liked peaches so much,” said the younger as he peeled the mango. He began to cut them in small slices. “Get over here or else I’m gonna eat all of it.”  
  
Jackson made his way over to Jinyoung, plopping himself on the bed next to the younger male, making their knees touch. “I like your peach.”  
  
“Shut up or else I’ll stab you.” The black haired man popped a slice into his mouth. He cut up another piece and fed it to Jackson. He tried to ignore the tingles he felt when the elder's lips grazed his fingers.  
  
“It’s true though. It’s like two globs of dough, nice and soft.” Jackson laid back onto the sheets and stuck his arms up, pretending to squeeze something with his hands. He then dropped his right hand so it landed on Jinyoung’s shoulder blade. His hand felt hot on the younger’s body, then once that hand started to travel down his back, it felt like electricity down his spine. Jinyoung tensed up once Jackson’s hand found home on his waist. His grip was soft, just enough to hold on but soft enough to where it was like a caress.

The black hair man didn’t know he stopped moving until the knife became uncomfortable in his palm. Jinyoung doesn’t know why his heart was beating so fast. It was just Jackson, the guy is always physical with him. But for some reason, tonight felt different. All the hand holding and the innocent touches caused a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. Then throughout the night, the longer they spent time together, that warm feeling turned into a blazing inferno. It’s not the first time Jinyoung felt like this around Jackson, granted it’s also not the first time Jackson has been extra clingy to him either. But when Jinyoung stops and thinks about all the times they touched or was alone, he realizes he doesn’t want those little moments to end.

The older male pinched his hip, making Jinyoung jolt from his thoughts. “Hey, stop hogging the mango.”  
  
Jinyoung fed him another slice as another thought came to mind. “Why do you and the others always have to talk about my ass like it’s the Eighth Wonder of The World?” A blush crept up his neck, attempting to push its way to his face.  
  
Jackson nudged the younger’s thigh for one more piece then stood up from the bed. “You know you love it. You got a nice ass, just enjoy it.” He went to his suitcase and pulled out his sleep clothes.  
  
“By the look of it,” Jinyoung popped the last slice of mango into his mouth. A bit of the juice dribbled down the side of his hand. “It seems like you like my ass just as much.” He poked his tongue out and licked the trail of juice to his fingers. If Jinyoung was paying attention, then he would’ve seen Jackson walk into the bathroom door.  
  
The older regained his composure by the time Jinyoung turned his head. There was a glint in his eyes, one that showed a challenge. “And if I said I did?”  
  
There it was again. Throughout the night, Jackson has been extra flirty. He made a couple remarks during dinner (something about how Jinyoung’s smile can light up a room) then when they’re alone, it’s like a switch is turned on. His comments have a little more edge to them than normal, like he’s provoking Jinyoung, but not to where he’d be upset. Jinyoung will admit he likes their mindless banter, he enjoys having someone to butt heads with. The younger male would respond with his own witty remark, resulting in the pair going back and forth until one of them cracked. It would normally be Jackson who’d stop their little game due to having no comeback. But tonight Jackson was able to bounce off Jinyoung’s sharp words and reply with his own, right now being one of those times.

If Jinyoung was being honest, he doesn’t mind it if Jackson likes his ass. It gives him a confidence boost knowing the member with the best body admires something about Jinyoung’s own. But knowing him, he’d never admit that out loud. So when the older male says anything about his behind, Jinyoung feels his face heat up. He thinks Jackson enjoys making him flustered. Around the others or the cameras, the taller man is tranquil and unbothered, like he’s wearing a mask. But here comes the Chinese man, picking that masks off bit by bit with words or touches until Jinyoung is a blushing, stuttering mess. Tonight, however, was different. If Jackson wanted to play their game, he has to be willing to lose.

The older stood next to the bathroom door with his sleep clothes in his hand and a towel slung over his shoulder. Jinyoung made sure the elder's eyes followed the movement of his hand when it returned to his mouth. His tongue appeared again, but this time using the flat of the muscle to lick the remaining juice. He then made it to his palm and farther to his fingers. Jinyoung slipped his forefinger and middle finger in his mouth, sucking the digits then releasing them. Through that little display, Jinyoung’s eyes never left Jackson’s brown ones.  
  
Jinyoung took one last lick to his palm before saying, “That’s for me to know and you to find out.” He smiled, one that made his eyes crinkle then stood to dispose of the trash. He walked over to his suitcase and pulled out the book from earlier. Maybe if he read for a bit, then he could forget about a certain man. When he turned around, Jackson was still standing by the bathroom doorway. His expression changed from a playful smirk to one that caused shivers down Jinyoung’s spine.

His jaw was set, like he was grinding his teeth to suppress from saying something. His body was taut, Jinyoung could see how his hands twisted in his clothes, almost like he was trying to restrain himself. But his eyes are what really captured the younger. Jackson’s dark eyes looked hungry, as though he could devour the other man with just a single look. It made Jinyoung’s stomach churn. He felt tiny under the elder's gaze. Jackson may be small in size, but his presence is enough to fill a whole room. He couldn’t hold the others stare much longer, feeling like holes were being burnt into his skin. Jinyoung didn’t know what kind of reaction he would receive from the older man, but that wasn’t one he expected. The thing that surprised Jinyoung the most was that he enjoyed knowing he caused Jackson to react like that. Maybe he enjoyed it a little too much.  
  
“Are you just gonna stand there all night? You haven’t taken a shower since this morning.” Jinyoung snatched his book and traveled back to his bed. He picked at the edge of the page, hoping the older male wouldn’t notice how fidgety he was. “You smell like the convenience store.”  
  
It only took a few seconds for Jackson to go back to his regular self. His dark expression was gone, replaced with his signature Squirtle Smile. His smile, though warm and full of all good things, seemed forced. “For your information, I took a shower after our fan meeting.”

Jinyoung wanted to call him out. Ask why his smile didn’t match his demeanor. Ask him why he reacted like that. Ask him why he makes Jinyoung’s body feel like it’s on fire. The younger wanted to know why every time Jackson is around him, his heart starts beating a mile a minute and his ability to think is clouded. There were a million questions swarming his brain, but it wasn’t the right time to ask them, despite how long those questions have been present.

“We were in this room for a solid five minutes before we had to leave again.” Jinyoung made himself comfortable on his bed, bringing a pillow to hug to his chest while he opened his book. He needed a distraction. If he kept all his attention on his friend, then things could escalate quickly in a direction none of them wanted (or so he thinks). “You just stuck your head under the water and changed your shirt.”  
  
“But I used soap-“  
  
“Enjoy your shower, Jackson!” Jinyoung exclaimed as he turned a page in his book. He was just getting to the good part and if that man child didn’t quiet down right now, GOT7 will have to be GOT6.  
  
The younger male was too endorsed in his book, too lost in the fictional world, that he didn’t hear Jackson mumble, “I’ll only enjoy it if you’d join me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter! I know it's kinda short compared to the first one, but I promise I'll try to make the rest of the chapter longer. I hope you guys enjoy it, comments and feedback are welcomed. Hit me up on that dumb blue bird app <3


	3. I Won't Let You Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here's the new chapter! Sorry it took me longer than expected, I added a little something at the end last minute. I got carried away with this one so it's longer than the other chapters (6900 words). Please enjoy!

A cold shower, that’s what Jackson needed. Once he entered the bathroom, he plopped his clothes on the counter and gripped the sink with shaky hands.

_What the fuck was that?_

Jackson tried to get it out of his head, but that moment kept replaying in mind. The way Jinyoung licked his hand shouldn’t be affecting the older man as much as it is. Granted most of the things Jinyoung does shouldn’t affect Jackson as it does. From platonic things like feeding him food to innocent hand holding shouldn’t make his heart flutter, yet here we are. But that little scene just moments ago? That definitely shouldn’t cause this type of reaction.

All Jackson wanted to do was take a nice, hot shower, to ease the day away. But that’s not how things work in this house, oh no. Instead of entering the bathroom, Jackson’s upper body met the closed door and the side of his head was introduced to the doorframe. Him slamming headfirst into the door was like a bad comedy skit, his pain acting as the punchline. It was Jinyoung’s fault. Jinyoung and his damn tongue. If he didn’t lick his hand but washed them in the sink like a civilized person, then Jackson wouldn’t be having a problem. A very _hard_ problem.

The first time the pink muscle appeared only resulted in pain for the rapper. The second time, however, Jackson wished he could walk into another door. His breath was caught in his throat and he gripped his clothes so hard he’s pretty sure they’re wrinkled now. The Chinese man tried to keep his cool, but the moment Jinyoung’s fingers slipped into his mouth, all his blood rushed south. Jackson saw the fire in his eyes, the fire that burned right through his chest and made him feel things that no best friend should be feeling.

The older man knew Jinyoung likes to retaliate his flirty comments with his own or just insults that act like compliments (Jackson assumes that’s his way of flirting). But the show that just happened? That was never apart of their game. Okay sure, there were a few wandering hands here, maybe light butt pats there, but that’s as far as they went. The pair never attempted to actually seduce the other or leave them questioning almost everything about their relationship.

Jackson stared at his reflection in the mirror. Relationship? What kind of relationship did he have with Jinyoung? They’ve been friends for years, they have a close bond that can’t be broken. Jackson confided his doubts and insecurities in him when he was still a trainee, thinking he’d never debut. They shared countless nights talking about their dreams, hoping and wishing they’d make their dreams into a reality. Then, on the day their manager announced they’re going to debut as a group, Jinyoung was the first person Jackson hugged. He remembers he swept the younger male off the floor into a bear hug, burying his face into his neck while Jinyoung clung to him with tears in his eyes.

Jackson knew he loved the other man, he loves all the members, but Jinyoung has always been a special case. He makes Jackson feel like he can accomplish anything, he motivates him to do better and strives for the top. On his bad days, when he’s laying in bed thinking he’s not doing his best, the older male would call Jinyoung. Instantly, the black haired man could tell something is wrong with Jackson by the tone of his voice. He’d spend hours praising him, speaking to him in a soft voice that held so much love and support. In the end, Jinyoung would fall asleep first, no matter how many times Jackson tried to make him hang up, he’d refuse until his breathing was slow and steady, and light snores could be heard coming from the phone. On those nights, Jackson still laid awake, thinking about the future, until his eyelids grew heavy and his breathing matched Jinyoung’s.

So, someone could see their relationship as a strong one. At times, like tonight, they’ve been mistaken as a couple due to them being physical with each other. Jackson doesn’t want to admit that his chest feels tight when moments like that happen. At the convenience store, he was caught off guard when the girl assumed they were boyfriends. Yes, he didn’t correct her, only because he was in a hurry and explaining would be a waste of time. Even if there was a part of him that doesn’t mind actually having those type of feelings for Jinyoung. In the end, they’re just friends. Friends who sometimes hold hands, give forehead or cheek kisses from time to time and are overly affectionate, but friends nonetheless.

That just brings Jackson back to his current problem: his _friend_ overstepping the line in their game, causing Jackson to rethink most of their interactions up till this point.

Granted, they’ve never spoken about the rules, but he thought it was obvious. It was a game of words, trying to get the other to either laugh or become flustered. Sometimes it would end in a draw with both of them laughing till their stomachs hurt, while other times it ended in one of them blushing a deep red. They didn’t know when their game stumbled into that kind of territory, it just started off as a way to make the other laugh when one of them was feeling down.

Even if they’d use tickling or light touches to cause either type of reactions, neither of them has gone far enough to cause a fucking _boner_. If he’s being honest about it though, Jackson isn’t complaining. Not one bit. He quite enjoyed it, but he knows he shouldn’t have. There have only been a few times Jinyoung directed those types of actions towards the Chinese man, but they’ve all been on stage for the fans and cameras. Their Stop Stop It dance change was the first time Jinyoung directed that sort of behavior to Jackson and it took the older man all his willpower not to trip over his own feet right afterward. From then on, every time the pair performed Stop Stop It, Jackson had to mentally prepare himself for Jinyoung to grab him and pull him close. The amount of times he had to force himself not to look in the other's eyes while performing is laughable if they did make eye contact, Jackson is pretty sure he’d melt on the spot.

So for Jinyoung to lick his hand like _that_ and look at him like _that_ , caused the brown-haired man to get a little excited, despite how hard he tried not to. He’s grateful it wasn’t noticeable through his pants or else the two friends would have a very awkward conversation.

Jackson dropped his head then groaned. Jinyoung is his friend. He shouldn’t be feeling like this around him. He shouldn’t feel lighter than air when the younger smiles at him. He shouldn’t feel like electricity is coursing through his veins when they touch. And he definitely _shouldn’t_ get a hard-on from his _best friend._ It was all too much to process. Jackson needed to clear his head or else his thoughts about Jinyoung would lead him to do things he wouldn’t be proud of.

He turned to the shower and put it on its coldest setting, all while not looking forward to freezing his ass off. He then stripped his clothes and tossed them on the floor. He stepped into the shower and nearly screamed. The water felt like ice on his hot skin, causing his body to shiver. Goosebumps erupted on his arms as he grabbed the soap and started to lather his chest in the suds. He scrubbed his body, washing away the sweat and grime from the day until he felt raw. After a few horrible minutes under the chilling water, Jackson looked down and judged he was calm enough to where he wouldn’t spring another boner thinking about Jinyoung (though he’s not making any promises). He twisted the temperature knob to its hot side and rinsed off the soapy bubbles. He turned off the shower, wiping his eyes free of water and stepped out onto the bath-rug. Jackson snatched his towel from the sink counter, drying his body while trying to block out all thoughts about why he had to take a cold shower.

The rapper slipped his underwear on and got dressed in his black sweatpants, forgoing a shirt because he knew he’d just take it off later. Once he was dressed, Jackson looked at his reflection in the mirror. His hair was still wet, he watched as water droplets fell from his bangs onto the sink. He looked tired, his eyes seemed more droopy than normal. He rubbed his chin, feeling the faint hints of stubble before he sighed.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Jackson asked his reflection like it’ll answer all the questions that swarmed his head. “It’s just Jinyoung, what are you afraid of?”

_Jinyoung._

Jackson wanted to scream. He doesn’t like feeling all these kinds of emotions at once. He felt confused and scared. Confused because all their interactions might be more than just fan service, more than just a game. He felt scared because Jackson has never gone through this before. He’s never questioned his friendship with someone, no matter who it was. If he had any type of romantic feelings towards a person, then he’d tell them and they’d work it out from there. But with Jinyoung, it’s completely terrifying. Jackson doesn’t even _know_ if he has romantic feelings for the younger. It’s not the fact that he’s a guy, the rapper knows he’s bisexual, so gender doesn’t matter to him. It bothers him because he doesn’t know what to feel.

Sometimes, when the older dotes on Jinyoung, his heart swells with love and adoration for him. Other times, when Jinyoung is giving all his attention to the other members, Jackson’s stomach would bubble and twist. He doesn’t mind not getting that much attention from the other male, it’s just that he’s most happy when the black-haired man is focused on him and him only. Then there are those rare times where Jinyoung throws all his shame out the window and is trying to personally attack Jackson. During those moments, Jackson feels the most vulnerable. He thinks if Jinyoung touches him or makes eye contact, then he’d be at his every beck and call. Not that he isn’t already, but if you’d look up “whipped” in the dictionary, a picture of Jackson would be the top result. He’s not saying he’d do anything for Jinyoung, the man has his limits, but if the younger needed him, then Jackson wouldn’t hesitate to drop what he’s doing and rush to his side.

Jackson ran a hand through his still damp hair and sighed. Who’s he kidding? He’s willing to go above and beyond just to make Jinyoung happy. He’d go to the ends of the Earth for him, no doubt about it. The more he thinks about it, the more clear it becomes, but he’s not ready to face it. So for now, Jackson needs to push all his confused, mixed, feelings to the back of his brain. He’ll deal with his emotions later, right now he needs to get the piece of mango, that’s been stuck in his teeth for the past 15 minutes, out.

The rapper snatched his toothbrush from the sink and applied toothpaste. He scrubbed his teeth for a couple of minutes and rinsed his mouth before he gathered his clothes off the floor. Jackson stepped up to the bathroom door, he gingerly gripped the knob. Whatever happens, after he steps out into the room, Jackson can’t make the mistake of showing how much Jinyoung effects him. If he’s learned anything from dragging Yugyeom to watch Frozen with him when it was released in theaters, it’s to conceal it, don’t feel it. If that’s what it takes for their friendship to remain a good one, then Jackson is willing to do it.

He turned the handle and walked out of the bathroom, breathing air that wasn’t hot or steamy. The moment he passed the younger’s line of sight, he heard the sound of a book closing.

“Damn, I thought you drowned in there. Not even BamBam takes that long to shower,” said Jinyoung as he stood from his bed. He had his sleep clothes in his arms, along with his favorite body wash. “I thought I’d have to go in there and rescue you.”

Jackson didn’t want to admit he felt his chest tighten at the thought of Jinyoung seeing him naked, that’s something he doesn’t need so he waved it off with forced laughter. “Sorry, didn’t know you waited that long. I figured you’d be sleeping.”

“With how long you took in there, I almost dozed off a few times.” The younger man walked past him, he was about to enter the bathroom when he stopped with his hand on the doorframe. “Your phone kept ringing, by the way. I turned off the ringer before I broke it.”

“Thanks.” Jackson placed his clothes next to his suitcase, he’ll deal with that in the morning.

“Hey, are you okay?” The brown-haired man didn’t hear Jinyoung walk towards him, he didn’t know the younger was behind him until he felt a hand on his bare shoulder. “You seem kinda off. What, did you get soap in your eye or something?” Jinyoung turned the other man until they stood face to face, just half an arm's length between them.

Jackson’s right hand instantly found Jinyoung’s hip, he played with the hem of his shirt, avoiding the look of concern directed to him. “No, I’m fine. Just tired, we had a long day.” Jackson didn’t want to tell him that the hand on his shoulder sent tingles down his arm or how his mind started to feel clouded with how close they were.

“If you’re so tired, go get some rest.” Jinyoung’s hand traveled from his shoulder, up his neck, to Jackson’s nape. He stroked the hair on his neck, causing Jackson to close his eyes. He felt relaxed, he felt content. “I don’t want you to wear yourself out. JB said we have a free day tomorrow before we leave, you can sleep in if you want.”

Jackson couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Jinyoung. Almost like a reflex, the younger’s arms encircled the rapper, the bottle of body wash dropped to the floor, completely forgotten. Jinyoung’s shirt was rough on the older males bare chest, but he wasn’t about to let go. Jackson felt all his worries and stress fade away the moment he buried his face in Jinyoung’s neck. He let out a sigh, one that blew hot air on the taller man's skin. A pair of hands rubbed up and down Jackson’s back, soothing the tension from his taut muscles.

He felt safe in Jinyoung’s arms.

“Jackson,” the black haired man tried to get his attention, but that resulted in Jackson tightening his hold on him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me, Wang. I can read you like an open book.”

_If you can, then tell me why I never want this moment to end._

“You know you can tell me anything.” Jinyoung pulled away just enough to look at the older mans face, but not enough to break their embrace. He placed his right hand on Jackson’s cheek. The shorter man leaned into the soft touch, his eyes were still closed.

He sighed before responding, “I’m fine, Jinyoungie. I promise.” Jackson looked into the others eye. The deep brown that captured the Chinese man countless times, shone with concern. He felt his stomach drop at the sight of those eyes staring into his. Jackson hopes he can keep up his act, the urge to lean in and kiss the younger is beginning to be too much to handle. The fact that he even thought about it and is willing to proceed with it, is too much to handle. If they stand like this any longer, Jackson may snap.

“Seunnie.”

_Fuck._

The moment that nickname left Jinyoung’s mouth, Jackson felt his heart explode. His chest felt constricted, his breath got caught in his throat, and his hand on the younger’s hip tightened. He’s pretty sure if he wasn’t holding onto his friend then Jackson’s knees would’ve buckled. That nickname does wonders when Jinyoung wants it too.

“You can always talk to me,” said the black haired man. He had a small smile on his face, one that radiated comfort. His thumb traced the lines under Jackson’s eyes softly. “Whatever’s wrong, please don’t fight it alone. I’m here for you.”

The older male dove into the others arms again. He nuzzled Jinyoung’s neck, relishing in the feeling of being embraced by an angel. Jackson could hear the other's heartbeat, strong and steady, just like it’s owners. “I don’t deserve you.”

The younger man scoffed and tightened his hold on the rapper. “Don’t talk nonsense. You deserve the world.” Jinyoung pulled on his ear for good measure. Just to emphasize his point.

Jackson wanted to protest. Jinyoung does so much for him. He listens to the older’s rants and complaints, he loses sleep just to talk to Jackson late at night when he’s had a shitty day, he’s the light Jackson follows when he’s surrounded by the darkness. How can he deserve the world when all he wants is Jinyoung?

The younger male pulled back again, he looked at Jackson with so much love, so much adoration in his eyes, that he’s pretty sure his heart skipped a couple beats. With one final brush of the hair, Jinyoung released the other after what felt like hours. Jackson already missed the others warm body, he wanted to hold him against his chest until his arms turned numb. The shorter man watched as Jinyoung picked up his bottle of body wash, the one Jackson likes and stood up straight.

“Are you okay now?” He asked as he ran a hand through his dark locks.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jackson couldn’t help but reach a handout and brush Jinyoung’s bangs away from his face. “Thank you.”

The younger poked his forehead. “You don’t have to thank me for caring about you, idiot.” He turned and walked towards the bathroom. He was about to shut the door but poked his head out and called out to Jackson. “Hey, one more thing.”

He elder raised an eyebrow. “What’s up?”

The smile that crept up on Jinyoung’s face made Jackson swoon. His eyes crinkled, turning into little crescents, while his dimple popped out. Jackson loves that dimple. Even from a few feet away, he could see the sparkle in the others eye when he said, “Park gae.”

Jackson erupted in laughter. He threw his head back while he clutched his stomach, his high pitched cackle rang throughout the room. Jinyoung always knew when to get the older back into a good mood when he needed it most, it’s one of his many talents. Jackson straightened up and ran his hand through his hair. While he tried to compose himself, he didn’t notice how Jinyoung’s eyes raked over his body, taking in the sight of a smiling, shirtless, Jackson.

The shorter man let out one last giggle before responding with, “Wang gae.” He heard Jinyoung chuckle, then the bathroom door closed.

Jackson waited until he heard the sound of running water before he moved again. His stomach was sore from laughing too hard, so it hurt to breathe a bit. Jinyoung rarely starts off their “Wang gae, Park gae” game so when he does, Jackson tries to indulge in the moment as much as he can. There’s nothing that makes him happier than their little nicknames for each other. Seunnie, however, holds more power than expected. Jackson loves when he’s called sseunie, it shoots him straight through the heart every time it leaves Jinyoung’s lips. That name is something only Jinyoung calls him, no one else. Yugyeom attempted to use that nickname on Jackson once, but soon after, his coffee was mixed with salt instead of sugar. Till this day Jinyoung claims he mixed up the salt and sugar because of his poor eyesight, he just doesn’t want to admit he doesn’t like sharing.

Jackson sighed for what felt like the tenth time tonight. How can he keep his cool around his friend? Just minutes ago he was contemplating about closing that small gap between their faces and sealing the younger’s lips with his own. It scared him because he doesn’t think he’ll be able to stop once he starts. Jackson has never tried drugs before, but he’s pretty sure he’s addicted to Jinyoung. Once he has a taste of those soft lips, he’ll just want to ravish the younger until-

The sound of someone knocking at the door rung throughout the room. Jackson snapped out of his Jinyoung induced trance once due to the rapid banging. It’s a good thing something distracted the rapper or else he’d have to take another cold shower. The knocking turned persistent until Jackson shuffled his way to the door.

“I’m coming, hold on.” He opened the door and found Youngjae in pajama pants and a hoodie. “Hey Jae, what’s up?”

“Just making the rounds, came to check up on you guys and make sure the kids are in bed.”

Jackson snorted. “You do know you’re, like, a year older than them, right?”

“Just let me have my moments, Jack.” Youngjae let out a chuckle, moving past the rapper and into the hotel room. “You guys got any snacks?”

“Did Jaebeom eat all of yours?” Jackson closed the door and made his way to the bed, sitting on the edge while the young singer snooped through the room.

“Yeah, he pulled the hyung card so I had to give him my cookies.” Youngjae looked through some bags left on the coffee table and found a candy bar. He tore open the wrapper while he scanned the room before asking, “Where’s Jinyoung?”

“He’s in the shower.” Jackson laid back to reach for his phone by his pillow, he opened it and began checking his emails.

Youngjae nodded then took a bite of the sweet. He sat on Jinyoung’s bed, facing his friend. “So, how are you holding up?”

“With what?” Jackson didn’t look up from his phone.

“Sharing a room with hyung. You two doing all right?” He took another bite.

At that, Jackson’s head whipped up. He narrowed his eyes at the younger male. “Why are you asking?”

“Jaebeom-hyung was worried that your crush on Jinyoung-hyung would make things awkward between you two. He wanted to-“

“My _what_?” Jackson scrambled upright, almost flying his phone in the process.

Youngjae cocked his head to the right, his eyebrows were furrowed. “Your crush on Jinyoung-hyung, what else?”

Jackson’s stomach twisted at those words. Crush? Would he classify what he’s feeling as a crush? That’s something teenagers in high school go through, not a grown adult who doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing with his feelings. Jackson is just realizing, after how many years together, he may like Jinyoung as more than a friend. But that doesn’t mean he has a crush on him, does it?

The older male waved his hands in front of his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t have a crush on him.”

Youngjae scoffed. “Yeah right, I see the way you look at him. You follow hyung around like a puppy who doesn’t want to be separated from his owner.”

This cheeky little bastard. He’s lucky he’s Jaebeom’s favorite or else Jackson would strangle him. “That means I’m clingy, not that I have a crush on Jinyoung.”

“Really? So what Jaebeom-hyung said was a lie then?” Youngjae finished his candy bar and stood to toss the wrapper away. He saw the half drunken bottle of strawberry juice on the other nightstand and picked it up. “Can I have a sip of thi-“

Jackson shot up from the bed after Youngjae. He gripped the boys' shoulders, probably a little too tight, and looked him in the eye. “What did Jaebeom say? What did Jinyoung tell him? Was it about me?” Jackson’s heart was racing. If Jinyoung told their leader anything about him, then he has the right to know.

“Jacks calm down,” said Youngjae with a light laugh. He waved off the hands on his shoulders and drank the juice on the stand. “Jaebeom-hyung just said your thing for each other is getting a little old. One of you better make a move before-“

“Our _what_?” Jackson took a step back. Jinyoung may feel the same about him? He might like him in that way? The rapper stumbled his way backward, he plopped himself on the bed once his legs hit the edge. “Jinyoung has a thing for me?”

“Duh.”

“He might like me back?”

“Might?” Youngjae’s eyes widened to the size of quarters. “He’s crazy about you. Every time we speak, you’re all he ever talks about. Honestly, it’s annoying.” The singer took a double take. “Like you back? So you do like him!”

“Shut up!” Jackson bolted to cover his mouth. He can’t afford Jinyoung to hear their conversation, at least not now. “Okay, I kinda like him, ya know, in that way. But you can’t tell anyone.”

Youngjae pried the hands off his mouth. “Are you serious? We all know. We all knew for a few _years_ , even if you didn’t. You make it kinda obvious.”

“Are you sure he has feelings for me?” Jackson needed answers, if he doesn’t get what he wants then he’s going to go insane. “Did he tell you?”

“Well, no, not exactly.” Youngjae didn’t make eye contact. “I mean he talks to Jaebeom-hyung, but he doesn’t tell me anything that includes Jinyoung’s personal issues. He says it’s the best friend code, they can’t tell lies and they can’t tell other people.”

Jackson groaned. So it’s a possibility that he doesn’t like him that way. But Jinyoung only ever talks about him? What does he say? What expressions does he wear when talking? Does he have a dopey smile on his face and eyes full of love, just like Jackson does when he talks about the younger male? He can’t afford to ruin their friendship if it’s only one-sided, he doesn’t want to lose Jinyoung.

Everything slapped him in the face. If Jackson confesses his feelings to his friend and Jinyoung doesn’t feel the same, then he just lost one of the best things in his life. Granted they’re both adults so they can talk it out, but Jackson would make things weird, then it’ll lead to Jinyoung avoiding him, and probably hating him for th-

Jackson felt the pillow hit him before he saw it. “Jackson-hyung, knock it off!” Youngjae smacked him again for good measure. “You think out loud too much. I know you’re paranoid about this, but you don’t have to act delusional.”

The Chinese man rubbed his face then focused on the brown haired boy. “But what if he does end up hating me?”

“Okay I know you’ve hit your head a couple of times, but you can’t be _that_ stupid.”

“Hey watch it! I’m still your hyung.” Jackson pinched his cheek to prove his point.

Youngjae stuck his tongue out before he sat next to his friend. “Jinyoung cares about you too much to let anything happen to your friendship. If you do eventually tell him, he might act differently depending on his feelings, but he’ll never hate you.” Youngjae wrapped an arm Jackson, leading the older to place his head on the other's shoulder. “Even if he doesn’t feel the same, doesn’t mean he can’t learn too.”

“Shit, when did you grow up?” Jackson chuckled while he picked at his sweatpants. “Sounds like you know from experience.”

If the rapper wasn’t too caught up in his own thoughts, then he would’ve noticed Youngjae’s panicked expression. “I’ve just been watching too many dramas lately.” His voice came out at a higher pitch than normal.

The pair stayed like that, Jackson resting his head on the younger’s shoulders, the other rubbed soothing circles on his back. Aside from Jinyoung, Youngjae knows how to comfort Jackson. His calming and sunny personality acts as a tranquilizer to the somber atmosphere around them. After a few more minutes of silence, the bathroom door opens and Jinyoung walks out in sleep shorts and an oversized sweater. The eldest of the three tried to ignore how his heart flipped at the sight of the black haired man practically swimming in the sweater.

“Youngjae, when’d you get here?” Jinyoung saw their positions and raised an eyebrow. “Everything all right?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” said the youngest male. He patted Jackson’s back before he stood up. “Jacks just stubbed his toe, I was making sure he didn’t cry.”

“Hey! I wouldn’t cry over-“

Jinyoung let out a giggle as he placed his neatly folded use closed next to his suitcase. “Oh please, you once cried over a bee sting.”

“It stung my _face_! How could I not cry over that?” A small smile crept its way onto Jackson’s mouth. He loves it when Jinyoung giggles. It’s one of the cutest things in the world.

“Well, I should get going.” Youngjae walked towards the door. “If I don’t, then Jaebeom-hyung is going to make the bed hot and I can’t sleep like that.”

“I thought Mark got the room with the single bed,” said Jackson.

“Yeah, why would you share a bed with JB?” Asked Jinyoung. “I was in your room earlier, there are two-“

“I’ll see you guys in the morning, good night!” Youngjae ran out the door faster than BamBam when he sees a sale on shoes.

The pair of friends looked at each other, both of them shrugged, then both of them laughed. Jinyoung didn’t cover his mouth when he laughed, so his smile was on full display. Jackson swooned.

“He’s a little weirdo, isn’t he?” Asked Jinyoung as he jumped into his bed. He snatched his book off his nightstand but froze when he realized something was missing. “He took my juice!”

Jackson let loose another fit of giggles at the other's expression. He looked like Youngjae robbed him of house and home with his jaw hanging open and wide eyes. He looked adorable. “I’ll buy you another one tomorrow. It’s late, we should go to sleep.”

“You can, I need to finish this last chapter.” Jinyoung opened his book and dove into the fictional world. “I won’t be up long.”

“All right.” Jackson crawled under the blankets, the soft sheets felt cool on his bare back. He reached out and turned off his lamp. “Good night.”

“Night.”

Jackson laid his head on the fluffy pillows, he was facing the younger man, watching as his eyes scanned over every word. With every passing second, Jackson thought more about his predicament. He knows Jinyoung wouldn’t treat him any differently if his feelings are one-sided, they’d work it out and still be friends. But that doesn’t mean Jackson wouldn’t hurt every time he’s near him, wanting something he can’t have. Soon his eyelids grew heavy, they started to droop then finally closed. His breathing evened out and his overworked brain started to slow down. Jackson fell asleep not knowing about the pair of eyes that never left him.

* * *

He doesn’t know how long he was sleeping, but Jackson knows that if the moon is still out, he shouldn’t be awake. But according to a certain person, who lives to make Jackson question everything, it doesn’t seem to work like that.

“Jackson scoot over,” said Jinyoung as he tried to move the older man. “You’re hogging the blanket.”

The rapper grunted, but eventually moved to the farther side of the bed, allowing Jinyoung to climb under the blankets with him. Instantly, Jackson’s arms wrapped the other body, his right arm was used as a pillow and his left arm laid over the younger’s waist.

“God, you’re so warm.” Jinyoung folded his left arm inwards and threw his right over Jackson’s bare torso. He tangled his legs with the older man's pair, trying to get warmth back into his toes. “I was freezing.”

“Really now?” Jackson’s voice was rough with sleep, his chest rumbled as he chuckled. It was still pitch black so the Chinese man didn’t see the blush bloom on Jinyoung’s face. He doesn’t know how much his voice effects the other, so moments where his voice is deep and scratchy does a toll on Jinyoung’s well-being. “Were you that cold or did you just want to cuddle?”

Jackson felt Jinyoung smile against his shoulder. His own smile found its way to his lips. “Both. You’re a like a heater and one of the best snugglers I’ve ever met. Why, are you complaining?”

“Not one bit,” said the rapper as he peeked one eye open. He found Jinyoung looking up at him with his deep brown eyes, tired from the day but still holding a small fire to poke fun at him. “One of best snugglers you’ve ever met, huh? There were better ones before me?”

“Well, JB and Mark-hyung where pretty good too, but their snores could cause an earthquake.” Jinyoung giggled as Jackson’s fingers traced circles on a small sliver of skin uncovered by his sweater. “But you’re my favorite cuddler.”

Something in Jackson started to boil. Jinyoung slept in the same bed as Jaebeom and Mark? He always knew Mark liked to be physical with the members, but Jaebeom? He doesn’t even like hand holding let alone being that close to someone. The thought of someone, anyone, even the older members, holding Jinyoung as he does didn’t sit too well with him.

Jackson growled low in his throat and tightened his arms around the younger. He turned on his side, holding Jinyoung close to his chest, making him bury his face in his neck. “I better be the only one you cuddle with from now on.”

For a second, Jinyoung didn’t say anything. Jackson was scared he went a little too far, said something that didn’t fit well in their game. But then the young singer scooted closer, so close his nose nuzzled Jackson’s pulse point.

“That can be arranged.” Jinyoung’s voice was heavy with sleep. He emitted a quiet yawn, his breath causing goosebumps to erupt on Jackson’s skin.

“Go to bed, Jinyoungie,” said the rapper, sleep taking over his brain with every passing second. He pulled the blanket up to Jinyoung’s chin, making sure he was warm enough before he closed his eyes and placed his chin atop the others head. His shampoo filled Jackson’s nose, causing him to lull back into that beautiful dreamland.

Jackson was on the borderline of sleep, his mind beginning to shut down and his heart beating at an even pace. The moment before he lost consciousness, Jackson felt a faint pair of lips on his jaw and heard a hushed tone whisper, “Good night, Seunnie.”

He hopes it wasn’t a dream. He hopes Jinyoung actually kissed him. He hopes, somewhere in his cotton filled head, he’ll remember the feeling of soft lips on his stubbled chin. He wants to go back in his mind and find that distant memory, but in his sleep induced state, Jackson won’t know what to believe.

* * *

Youngjae almost tripped his way to his hotel room. It was only a few doors down from Jackson’s, but in his frantic escape, he could’ve fallen on his face. He took out his room key and opened the door, entering the room then slamming the door shut with his back against it.

“Jae, what’s wrong?” Asked Jaebeom from his position on the bed. There were two, but one was rumpled and well slept in, while the other was neatly made, never touched since the pair arrived. Jaebeom chuckled at the younger’s panicked expression, but his eyebrows furrowed in worry. “You look like you saw a ghost.”

“I almost let it slip.”

“What?” The older man shot up and rushed to Youngjae’s side. He took his face in his palms and made the younger look at him. “What happened?”

Youngjae gulped before motioning to sit down. Jaebeom took his hand and walked to the bed, sitting down first so the young man could perch on his lap. He circled his arms around the boy. Youngjae explained what he and Jackson spoke about and how he admitted to sharing a bed with his leader.

Jaebeom sighed. “It’s okay, they were bound to find out anyway.”

Youngjae realized he was still holding the juice bottle, he dropped it to the floor before draping his arms over the older’s broad shoulders, turning so Jaebeom can rest his head on the brown-haired man's chest. “You think they can put two and two together?” His hands found their way into Jaebeom’s hair, lightly scratching his scalp and running his fingers through the soft locks.

“Jinyoung, probably, but Jackson is too caught up in his own world,” Jaebeom said as he smoothed his hands up and down Youngjae’s thighs. “How’s he’s doing?”

“Jack has it bad. Kinda reminds me of you during those times.” The young singer laughed before letting out a small squeal due to the pinch on his thigh. “Hey don’t start now, mister. You know how you were.”

“Yeah, yeah I know.” Jaebeom smiled at his boyfriend. “The only difference between me and Jackson is that I had the guts to confess to you.”

The laugh that erupted from Youngjae filled the room, making his shoulders shake and stomach hurt. “You drank two bottles of soju before barging into my house and yelling you love me at the top of your lungs.”

Jaebeom shrugged. “Liquid courage helps when you most need it.” The older man smiled, the kind that turns his eyes into little crescents and make Youngjae swoon, before leaning up to claim the younger’s lips with his. It was a short kiss, not lasting more than a few seconds, but it still left Youngjae breathless.

“C’mon, I wanna finish that episode.” Youngjae tapped his boyfriend’s shoulder too, reluctantly, let him go and then crawled under the blankets, propping up against the headboard. Jaebeom followed suit, he slipped next to the brown-haired man, resting his back on the younger’s chest and pressing play on the remote.

Nights, when Jaebeom wants to be the little spoon, are Youngjae’s favorite, he likes knowing his partner feels safe in his arms and enjoys playing with his hair. Jaebeom reached for Youngjae’s hand, intertwining their fingers then bringing them up to his lips to plant a small kiss on the others knuckles. The shorter man tried to hide his dark blush with his hoodie. After eight months of dating, he still feels giddy whenever Jaebeom is being clingy.

They spent a few minutes watching the drama, but Youngjae’s mind was elsewhere. He kept thinking back to how afraid Jackson looked at the thought of Jinyoung not reciprocating his feelings. He looked vulnerable like one word could bring down his whole being. He looked exactly like Youngjae did.

“Hey, stop thinking too much.” Jaebeom nudged his side, his eyes never left the TV. “Those two are gonna be fine. If Jackson doesn’t make the first move, then Jinyoung will.”

Youngjae sighed. “How do you know? Jackson almost cried when he thought his feelings are one-sided. What does Jinyoung tell you about him?”

“Best friend code, babe. Can’t tell anyone.” Youngjae groaned. Sometimes he hates how loyal his boyfriend is. “I can tell you this though.” That caught his attention. “Jinyoung is just realizing he loves that hyperactive child. It’s gonna take time before he acts out his feelings, maybe a few months at most.”

Youngjae hummed in understanding and leaned his head against the older’s. “I hope so, their tension is thick enough to cut with a knife.”

“Or,” Jaebeom shrugged, “Jackson could push all the right buttons to have Jinyoung snap and they end up fucking at his place in a few days.”

“Hyung!” The younger man slapped Jaebeom’s chest, letting loose a few giggles while he smiled along with him. “I didn’t need that visual.” The pair laughed together before returning to their drama.

It was only a few minutes of silence before Youngjae spoke up again. “You think they’re gonna make it?”

Jaebeom sat upright. He stared into his boyfriend's eyes before leaning and kissing the younger. He released his lips after a few blissful moments and smiled, one that made Youngjae feel lighter than air. “We did, didn’t we?”

Youngjae slapped his chest again. “You’re so cheesy!” He opened up his arms. “Come here, you goofball.” Jaebeom jumped into his embrace and snuggled close to the warm body that holds so much love for him.

Youngjae knew Jackson and Jinyoung can make it through their situation. They love each other too much to let anything ruin what they have. Even if they don’t know what their feelings are, they know they can’t live without the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions or just want to chat, my twitter is the same as my username @/omgmiahk . Comments and kudos are welcomed <3


	4. You're My Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wassup shoebills, here's the latest chapter! As I continue to write this story I realized the chapters keep getting longer so there's no use in actually sticking to the word lengths, it's either gonna be 7k words or 3.5k, there's no in between. In this chapter things get a little spicy, so the rating will go up as the story progresses. If you guys have any questions or just wanna chat, my twitter is the same as my username, @/omgmiahk <3

Jinyoung wanted to stay like this forever. He laid on his side, his feet and hands were toasty warm and his breathing was steady. His eyes were still closed, trying to enjoy the blissful moments of relaxation. He could hear the pitter-patter of rain slamming against the glass window from outside and the scent of ozone hitting his nose. He's not even fully awake but Jinyoung was already in a good mood.  
  
Oh, and Jackson spooning him from behind just made everything better.  
  
The older male had his right arm under Jinyoung's head, acting as a very buff pillow, and his other arm was thrown over his waist. Jackson's chest was flush against the others back while his right leg tangled with Jinyoung’s and his left leg was over his hip. Jackson was clingy while awake, but while sleeping, he acted like a starfish, attaching himself to anything near him. Jinyoung isn’t complaining though.  
  
Jackson’s breath ghosted over the younger’s neck, causing him to shudder. He snored lightly, his chest rumbled with every breath taken. He was so warm, radiating heat like crazy, and keeping Jinyoung from the freezing cold of the hotel room. He doesn’t remember lowering the temperature of the room last night, but when he woke up due to his continuous shivering, he glanced at the thermometer that read 65 degrees. It was either increase the heat or crawl into Jackson’s bed and cuddle. Jinyoung, never one to pass up a good opportunity, chose the latter.  
  
However, he had a small war thrashing inside him. The thought of sharing the same bed as someone he kinda, maybe, probably has feelings for didn’t sound like a smart idea. Jinyoung didn’t want to do or say anything in his sleep that would startle the older man, resulting in never cuddling again. Jinyoung would rather chop off his own hand than to risk not being able to be held by Jackson (he knew he was being dramatic, he’s still not going to take that risk). But the more he kept telling himself it was bad, the more he kept denying how much he just wanted to slip under the covers and feel Jackson’s arms around him, the harder everything became. Jinyoung laid in his bed, the minutes ticking away as he debated if sharing a bed with the rapper would be fine. In his mind, he thought about a million outcomes as to why it would result horribly for him such as bad morning breath, saying something stupid while he slept, or, the worst thought he had while in his sleep-deprived mind, morning wood.  
  
Jinyoung didn’t want to give Jackson that kind of wakeup call.  
  
But, in the end, he gave in to his desire and shifted to the other man's bed. One thing about Jackson is that he gives off heat like a bear, but he also sleeps like one. It was nearly impossible to move him over so Jinyoung could shimmy under the blankets. He remembers how his heart fluttered the moment the older man draped his arm around his waist and pulled him close. He also remembers his toes curling at the sound of Jackson’s voice. That man’s voice shouldn’t sound sexy when he’s half asleep, but Jinyoung also shouldn’t find it sexy so there’s that problem. The dark tone in his voice caught him off guard when Jinyoung admitted he cuddled with Jaebeom and Mark. The growl that crawled through Jackson’s throat and his voice, deep and raspy, full of possessiveness, made his stomach churn.  
  
Jinyoung knew the older man had his moments where he doesn’t like to share, he just didn’t expect sharing himself would be a problem. In all honesty, he enjoys knowing Jackson wants him all to himself. The feeling is mutual, but of course, he won’t admit that out loud, afraid he’ll boost the other's ego too much. Jinyoung didn’t realize it till now, but Jackson has been more clingy than usual. He’s always touching the younger, whether it’s a hand on his hip, their knees brushing each other, or their fingers interlocked, Jackson can’t keep his hands to himself. Not that Jinyoung’s complaining, oh no he quite enjoys it. He probably enjoys it too much for his own good, but those moments where he thinks Jackson can’t be without him, gives Jinyoung some hope for the future.  
  
Take that scene in the convenience store for example. Jinyoung knew what Jackson was doing, he saw right through the other man's actions. The girl at the counter was being flirty and Jinyoung was just fueling the flame. He saw the older man's facial expression change from a smile to a small frown. When the girl would smile at him and talk in a sweet tone, Jackson’s eyes held a sort of dark look in them. It made the younger man excited. He wanted to continue their game, to see how far he could push until the brunette broke, but Jaebeom ruined it. Jinyoung knew he’d receive a call from his angry leader, he just hoped it would’ve been later and not interrupt his fun. He’s always been told to expect the unexpected, he expected the phone call, but the thing he didn’t expect Jackson to grope him for his wallet. Jinyoung had to fight off his blush with a sly smile when he faced the older man, finding amusement in the girl's expression and Jackson’s nonchalant shrug. If all he gets out of the elder is a light groping, then Jinyoung wants to know what a jealous filled Jackson is capable of.  
  
The black haired man was snapped out of his thoughts when the male beside him grunted. Jackson made little noises in his sleep before he turned to lay on his back, letting go of Jinyoung’s waist and flopping his arm across his stomach. The younger frowned at the loss of warmth and followed suit, snuggling against the other's chest while his left hand gripped his torso. He threw his leg over Jackson’s hip, mimicking how the older was not too long ago. This was the exact position Jinyoung wanted. He loves resting his head on the others strong chest, listening to his heartbeat. He loves draping his body across the hard edges of muscle, feeling the smooth skin beneath his fingertips. He loves being able to feel this comfortable with someone, letting his worries fade away and drop all the barriers, to feel safe with another person.  
  
He loves Jackson.  
  
Jinyoung’s eyes flew open. Everything seemed to slow down and feel like jelly. The rain outside blurred into white noise. Jinyoung’s stomach dropped. Despite the blanket over him, the younger felt like ice, his whole body turning numb. The only thing he could focus on was Jackson’s breathing. The only thing he could hear was Jackson’s snores. The only thing he could feel was Jackson’s heartbeat.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
Jinyoung’s in love with Jackson.  
  
He can’t stay like this, no matter how much he didn’t want to move, Jinyoung untangled himself from the older man. He sat on the edge of the bed, hunched over and gripping his hair. All the moments they shared that caused Jinyoung to question his feelings came rushing at him. The touches, the words exchanged, everything overtook him like a tidal wave. He’s never experienced this type of fear in his life. Jinyoung’s not just scared. He’s terrified. He can’t risk Jackson finding out or else he’ll lose one of the six greatest things in his life. If he confesses then the other man would have to let him down easy, promising they’d stay friends, while Jinyoung’s heart shatters. That’s only one of the million scenarios swarming the younger’s brain, that one being the least tragic. The thought of even finding the courage to confess makes him feel nauseous. He knows Jackson loves him, the older man basically shouts it every day, but is he _in_ love with him?  
  
Jinyoung straightened up, his back going taut. He needed Jaebeom, he’ll know how to handle this. The black-haired man stood from the bed and made his way over to his bedside table. He grabbed the room key then quietly opened the door and slipped out, shooting one last glance to the man on the bed, before exiting the room. Once outside, Jinyoung practically sprinted to his leader's room. He didn’t know what time it was, but at that moment he didn’t care if he made any noise. He found the room and pounded on the door, hoping he doesn’t wake up Mark who was next door (he isn’t about to get the bad end of a sleepy Mark). Jinyoung’s heart was racing as he waited outside his friend's room, he also needed to use the bathroom so Youngjae couldn’t open the door fast enough.  
  
He had a breakfast burrito in his hand when the door flew open. “Hyung? What’s wro-“  
  
“Sorry, hold that thought.” The taller man breezed past the younger, passing a confused Jaebeom who was eating pancakes on the bed, and made a beeline to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he entered the room and plopped down next to his best friend, laying his head on the fluffy pillows.  
  
Jaebeom didn’t even bat an eyelash as he continued to eat his breakfast. His eyes stayed glued to the TV playing a drama as he took another bite. “What’s up?”  
  
Jinyoung sighed. “You know what’s up.” He turned his head to his leader. “I need help.”  
  
Jaebeom faced the youngest in the room with an apologetic smile. “Jae, could you step out for a bit?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I know the drill.” Youngjae rolled his eyes as he picked up a second burrito. He wasn’t wearing the same hoodie he had on last night. He was wearing Jaebeom’s. “I’ll go see if Mark-hyung is hungry.”  
  
“No, wait.” Jinyoung shot up, earning an eyebrow raise from the older man. “Stay, maybe you can help me too.”  
  
“Oh thank God, I don’t wanna wake him up.” Youngjae sighed with relief. He took another bite of his food while he walked over to his bandmates. He sat at the foot of the bed and rubbed Jinyoung’s leg in a soothing gesture. “I’m here for you, hyung.”  
  
The singer smiled in thanks to his friend. He turned to Jaebeom, who shut down the TV but continued to eat and sighed. “It happened.”  
  
“What happened?” Yelped Youngjae, his eyes going wide. “Are you okay? Where’s Jackson-hyung?”  
  
Jinyoung groaned and flopped back on the pillows, face first. He tried to ignore how his heart skipped a beat at that mention of the man who kept running through his mind. “Don’t say his name.”  
  
“Why? Are you two okay?” Jinyoung missed the knowing look Youngjae shot to his leader. “Can you explain what’s going on? You know I’m not good at guessing games.”  
  
Jinyoung slapped Jaebeom’s arm to finish for him. The elder rolled his eyes as he swallowed his last bite of pancake. “Casanova, over here, has the hots for Jackson.”  
  
The singer groaned again. Out of all the ways he could’ve phrased it, Jaebeom chose his least favorite. Jinyoung sat up, crossing his legs over the other and hid his face in his hands. He felt like throwing up. “Don’t say it like that.”  
  
“Okay then, you like him. What else is new?” Jaebeom placed his plate on the bedside table and fully faced his friend. “We talked about this. What’s got you so riled up?”  
  
Jinyoung took a deep breath. He explained everything, from their trip to the store to their handholding then to conversation about his ass.  
  
“It is pretty nice,” said Youngjae. The oldest gave him a look, one Jinyoung couldn’t read, but it made the youngest break eye contact. “What? I’m just stating facts.”  
  
The dark haired man continued his story on to the mango incident, but couldn’t finish due to Jaebeom almost choking on his orange juice. “You did that? Jeez, didn’t know you had it in you Park.”  
  
He finally made it to how he ended up in the rappers bed and cuddled. He left out the bit about kissing him goodnight, that’s something he doesn’t want to tell anyone, even his best friend. He told them how he woke up to Jackson holding him, how he wanted that moment to last forever. Throughout his rambling, Jinyoung missed how Youngjae’s eyes softened and how the elder had a small smile on his lips. He finished his tale with how he had a mental breakdown and ran to Jaebeom’s room, hoping his leader would give him some brotherly advice on how to handle his situation.  
  
“Jinyoung, you just slept with him, in the most innocent way possible,” said the elder. “You held hands, fed him, and kinda seduced him. You two do that all the time.”  
  
“First of all,” said the singer, his tone turning defensive, “I didn’t seduce him, I was making a statement.”  
  
“Such as?”  
  
“That’s not the point!” Jinyoung’s face burned. Okay, he admits the mango episode wasn’t really necessary, but he’d do it again if he could see Jackson’s expression once more.  
  
“Then what is the point?” Jaebeom took another sip of orange juice. “We’ve talked about this before. You’ve ranted to me for hours about how you don’t know what's happening. Your heart feels like it’s gonna explode every time you touch. Your head feels like it’s full of clouds when you speak to him. Jinyoung,” Jaebeom put a hand on his shoulder, “you like Jackson.”  
  
The dark haired man buried his face in his hands and shook his head. He wanted to curl into his sweater and hide. “No, hyung, I don’t.”  
  
“Then what?” Jaebeom let go of his friends’ shoulder. “You don’t what?”  
  
“While he held me, I felt warm.” Jinyoung’s voice sounded small, almost frail. His hands trembled, he pulled his sleeves over his sweaty palms. “My entire body was tingling, it was like electric. It was like I was connected to him, in more ways than one. I felt like I belonged there, in his arms, and share everything I have to offer. I want to share all the best moments in life with him.”  
  
Jinyoung didn’t know why he was getting emotional. Talking about his feelings was always easy with Jaebeom. He’s seen the younger at his lowest points, this isn’t something to cry over. Yet, Jinyoung didn’t know he was crying until a tear fell on his shorts. The darker shade of gray stuck out like a sore thumb. He felt the older man wrap his arms around his shoulders. Despite the gesture, he didn’t launch himself into the embrace like he normally would. He sat there, his eyes red and his chest tight.  
  
He let out a quiet sob before saying, “JB, I don’t just _like_ Jackson, I love him.”  
  
At that, the dam finally broke. Tears streamed down Jinyoung’s face as he brought his knees up to his chin. Jaebeom was glued to his side, letting the younger use his shoulder to cry on, like how they were back in their trainee days. Youngjae grabbed his hands, rubbing his knuckles as his sobs ceased. It only lasted for a few minutes, but that single breakdown felt like it took years off of Jinyoung. Once his tears stopped and his throat didn’t feel like it was trying to choke him from the inside, he took a deep breath. He nodded his head, letting his friends know he was fine enough to talk.  
  
“So, you love Jackson.” Oh Jaebeom, ever the one to get straight to the point. “Coco could’ve told you that.”  
  
“It’s not just about loving him,” Jinyoung’s voice sounded muffled to his own ears. “I’m scared.”  
  
“Scared about what?” His leader offered him his orange juice. The younger gingerly took it from him and held the glass.  
  
“Him not feeling the same. PD-nim finding out and firing me. _Dispatch_ finding out.” Jinyoung rubbed his eyes free of tears before taking a sip of juice. “I’m scared of everything.”  
  
“Well, you have two of the three covered.” Youngjae looked up at him through his bangs. He seemed scared himself. “PD-nim won’t fire you.”  
  
Before Jinyoung could further question his friend, Jaebeom beat him to it. “Jae, are you sure?”  
  
The youngest nodded. He had a look in his eye, one that screamed confidence. He’s only ever had that spark on stage, it’s good to know he can summon it at times where he needs it. “He won’t fire you because he didn’t fire us.” Youngjae gestured to him and Jaebeom.  
  
“What? Boss knows?” Jinyoung exclaimed with his eyes wide. “When did you tell him?”  
  
“Wait, you _know?_ ” Youngjae’s voice came out as a squeak. His head whipped to his boyfriend. “He knows?”  
  
“I didn’t tell him!” Jaebeom’s hands flew up in defense. “Told you he’d figure it out.”  
  
“Figure it out? I knew you guys were dating from the beginning.”  
  
“ _What?_ ” Jaebeom’s voice was an octave higher.  
  
Jinyoung faced his oldest friend with a small smile on his lips. “Eight months ago, you drunk dialed me saying, ‘I’m gonna love the fuck outta Youngjae’ then told me you were going to confess to him.”  
  
“Oh my God.” Jaebeom’s face flushed red with embarrassment. While his boyfriend exploded in laughter, he wanted to be swallowed by the floor. “And you didn’t say anything?”  
  
“I knew you were happy, that’s all that mattered.” Jinyoung turned to his younger friend. Youngjae’s cheeks had a pink tint to them, it made him look even more adorable than he already is. “You two were made for each other. Youngjae, you’re the only one who can sleep through his snoring and calm him down fast enough before his chin sticks out. He wakes up in a good mood every day because of you. You make him happy.”  
  
“Thank you.” The young singer smiled, a bright one that rivaled the sun. He must’ve been looking for Jinyoung’s approval because he could visibly see the weight lift off the brown-haired man's shoulders. “Even though I’m glad you like the thought of us dating, we’re not here to talk about us.” Youngjae picked at the sheets, not making eye contact. “You still need to figure out what you want to do.”  
  
Jinyoung narrowed his eyes. When Youngjae doesn’t want to tell them something he looks away and stays quiet, a completely opposite persona from his regular loud self.  He wouldn’t do that if he wasn’t trying to hind to something. The black haired man leaned in closer to his friend, prompting him to lean away. “You said I don’t have to worry about two of my three problems. So PD-nim won’t fire me, that’s great, but what’s the second thing?”  
  
The younger’s gaze darted to Jaebeom’s. His mouth was parted like he was about to say the words but froze. Jinyoung was so focused on the man in front of him, he didn’t witness their leader shake his head. “T-the second thing is...”  
  
Jinyoung’s heart hammered in his chest. He wanted to hear Youngjae say the words he needed, what he knew was the deciding factor. The room grew quiet, the only sound the singer could hear was the blood rushing in his ears. He held his breath while the younger looked at him, the glass of orange juice clasped tightly in his hands against his chest. A pin could drop and the sound would echo through the room. Youngjae sighed like he knew what the outcome would be once those words left his lips. He opened his mouth and Jinyoung’s nerves jumped.  
  
Too bad there’s a certain maknae who knows when to ruin a moment. A fist pounded against the door, the loud banging scaring Jinyoung so much he jumped, spilling his juice on his sweater and the sheets.  
  
“Jaebeom-hyung! We need to get ready, manager-hyung said we’re leaving in a few hours,” Yugyeom, sweet, innocent Yugyeom, Jinyoung’s going to kill him. “He said I get to pick the first cafe so hurry up!”  
  
“Okay, we’ll be out in a bit!” The dark haired man called back. They could hear the youngest member leave and start to pound on Mark’s door. This kid has a death wish.  
  
Jinyoung stood up from the bed and placed the glass on a nearby table. He felt sticky, the juice seeped through his sweater and stuck to his stomach. He needed a shower as soon as possible. “I’m going to wring his neck. That little brat needs a timeout.”  
  
Youngjae laughed as he removed the hoodie he was wearing and gave it to his friend. His undershirt was also Jaebeom’s. “Change into that. Leave your sweater here, I’ll give it to the staff along with some other clothes.” Ah, he really is a ball of sunshine.  
  
“Just because you’re being nice doesn’t mean you’re off the hook,” said Jinyoung, his tone was playful but his eyes were serious. “We’re finishing this conversation later.” He took off his soaked clothes and dropped them on the floor. He slipped into the hoodie that was a few sizes too big for him, only his fingertips stuck out through the sleeves. It was long, stopping mid-thigh so it hid his sleep shorts. It smelled like cologne, it smelled like warm hugs and even warmer smiles shared between friends. It smelled like Jaebeom.  
  
“So,” said the man who’s been his friends for years. “You know how to handle this?”  
  
“Not a clue.”  
  
Jaebeom snorted. “Just act normal, like everything is fine. Carry on like how you would if you weren’t completely head over heels for Jackson.”  
  
It was Jinyoung’s turn to scoff. “Did it work for you?”  
  
“Absolutely not.” That made Youngjae laugh. His laugh made Jaebeom smile. “He didn’t make it easy, but I somehow managed.”  
  
“How did you know?”  
  
“Know what?”  
  
“That he’s the one.”  
  
The elder’s eyes grew soft. He leaned over to his boyfriend and took his hand. Both of their expressions held the same kind of emotion they show on stage, looking out to all their fans with tenderness and appreciation. It’s the same expression Jinyoung wears when he’s with Jackson. Their eyes met and he witnessed what true love looks like.  
  
“One day I looked at him and said ‘oh’,” Jaebeom’s grin turned into a full smile, one so big his top teeth stuck out. “It took me a few years to realize I liked Youngjae, a couple months to learn how to deal with it, but only seconds to realize I love and cannot live without him.”  
  
“I think I’m gonna puke,” Jinyoung couldn’t take the amount of sweetness in his friend's confession. Those two basically oozed love for each other, even if they can’t physically show it on a regular basis, it’s there, plain as day.  
  
“I can’t wait till you and Jackson-hyung get together. After that, you’ll know what we’re talking about,” said Youngjae. He knew something Jinyoung didn’t, but he wasn’t about to press the subject.  
  
“You and me both.”  
  
Jaebeom raised an eyebrow. “So you want to date him?”  
  
Jinyoung hasn’t gotten that far in his Jackson induced thoughts. He usually stops at thinking about what it would be like to wake up to Jackson holding him every day and sharing kisses in secret, knowing that dream is a far off reality. He just began to understand what all his mixed up emotions meant and plot a plan to hide them. He doesn’t know if he’ll actually tell the rapper about his feelings soon, at one point, yes, but he’s going to wait. There are lots of aspects to dating that he doesn’t know about, he hasn’t been on a date since he was 16 let alone in a relationship. But if there’s one thing Jinyoung knows, it’s that he cares for Jackson more than he's ever had before. He’s willing to put everything on the line if it meant to call that man his.  
  
He faced Jaebeom with confidence, his reply coming out clear and full of certainty, “As I said earlier, I want to share everything I have to offer. Including myself.”

* * *

Jinyoung left his friends room, thanking the pair for their advice and promising they’re going to talk later. He walked down the hall, ignoring the screams and laughter coming from Mark’s room. Looks like the maknaes woke up sleeping beauty. Those two are only ones who can cause so much mayhem even before their day officially started.  
  
He finally made it to his own room and entered quietly, making sure to not usher a sound while he closed the door. He turned and found Jackson still sleeping. The blankets were thrown off the bed and a few pillows were on the floor while his limbs were stretched out. His bare chest heaved up and down in a solid rhythm. Oh yeah, Jinyoung definitely wouldn’t mind having this view every day. He walked over to the man and shook his shoulder.  
  
“Jackson. Jackson wake up.” Jinyoung’s voice was soft and smooth. Normally he’d grab a pillow and start to whack the elder until he woke up, but today he’s trying a different approach. “We have to leave soon. C’mon, get up.”  
  
The rapper groaned, the sound vibrating deep within his chest. The noise shot straight through Jinyoung, making his stomach twist. He wanted to hear that sound again. The black haired man started rocking Jackson’s shoulder with a bit more force. He knew the older man was awake, he just didn’t want to show it. His eyebrows pinched together and he wore a small frown when the rocking increased. “We’re leaving with or without you. So unless you want to want to fly back by your-“  
  
Jinyoung’s biceps were suddenly grabbed, cutting off his sentence. He was flipped, his back landing against the mattress while he let out a puff of air. It was all to fast to process so by the time he realized what happened, he was pinned down by the body practically laying on top of him. Jackson rested his head in the junction where Jinyoung’s neck met his shoulder, while half his body was draped over the other males. He tangled their legs together and latched his arms around the younger.  
  
“Shut up.” Jackson’s voice was husky, his low tone causing Jinyoung’s throat to go dry. His mouth was close to his ear, his stubbled chin scraping against the younger’s neck.  
  
This is bad. This is so bad. But oh did it feel good. The weight of Jackson’s body felt right, the pressure of their chests pressed so closely together made Jinyoung let out a small groan of his own. His hoodie rode up a bit from his fall so a part of his bare stomach made contact with Jackson’s skin. If he moved just a little bit then their hips would line up perfectly, resulting in a position Jinyoung isn’t that opposed to. The black haired man knew he should kick the guy off of him, but his inner desires were winning over his logical side. So sue him if he wanted to indulge in a bit of physical contact with the man he just realized he’s in love with. Jinyoung would rather stay like this all day than go shopping.  
  
A thought came to his mind, one that made him so smile wide the Cheshire Cat would cower in fear. Just because Jinyoung has feelings for him, doesn’t mean he’s not going to make his life a living hell. His little crying session woke him up, got all the mushy crap out of the way. Of course, he’s still scared of anyone out of the group to know about his situation. Scared Jinyoung wants to hide under a rock at the mere thought of confessing. But Bold Jinyoung, he wants to push all of Jackson’s buttons. He wants to see how far Jackson can go before he snaps. And Jinyoung is going to make him snap like a twig.  
  
He placed both his hands on the rappers hips, then trailed them up his back, loving how Jackson’s muscles rippled under his touch. At first, they were feather light touches, but then Jinyoung dug his nails into the flesh, leaving red trails in his wake. Jackson hummed, he shuddered as the younger’s dull nails scraped along smooth skin.  
  
“Keep going,” rasped the man stop him once Jinyoung stopped. He tightened his arms around the other like he needed to hold onto something stable.  
  
“We have to get ready soon.” Jinyoung’s voice didn’t sound like his own. It was taut, showing how nervous he was. His heart pounded loudly against his chest, he’s pretty sure Jackson could feel it, but neither of them brought it up. He needed to wipe his sweaty palms on the sheets a couple times before resuming his stimulations.  
  
“Don’t care. I want to stay here with you.”  
  
The younger glanced up to the ceiling in silent prayer. Seems like Jackson knows how to push Jinyoung’s buttons better than the other way around. It’s only 9:30 in the morning and they’ve already started their flirting game off to a wonderful (agonizingly hard) start. He’s not about to get one-upped before they even had breakfast, Jinyoung doesn’t play like that.  
  
He dragged his hands farther up the elder's body, up to his neck. One hand lingered at Jackson’s nape to play with his hair, while his other hand buried itself into the dark locks. He grazed the elder's scalp, enjoying the hum of approval he received. He continued to brush the brown strands, relishing the soft locks between his fingers.  
  
“Jackson,” the younger’s voice was gruff. His breath ghosted over the elder’s ear. His mind was foggy and he couldn’t think straight. The only thing he could focus on was Jackson. “If we don’t get up soon the staff will-ow!”  
  
This bastard just bit him. It wasn’t like the bite he gave the younger last night at the store, he chomped on Jinyoung’s clothed shoulder so it didn’t hurt. This one, however, was full teeth on neck contact, it just didn’t hurt, it sent a bolt of excitement through his body. At the sudden realization, Jinyoung’s cheeks flamed up. Did he just get a rush from Jackson biting his neck? He knew his neck was sensitive, but to actually like it was a bit of a shocker.  
  
“You talk too much,” said the rapper. The black haired man had to suppress a curse at the rumble of his voice. It’s not fair to have a sexy voice that makes Jinyoung swoon and melt on the spot. Totally unfair. “Just be quiet and let me enjoy this.”  
  
“Oh, you enjoy using me as your own pillow?”  
  
Jackson hummed in confirmation. The younger could feel the vibrations from his throat. “I’d like it better if you didn’t smell like Jaebeom.” His tone changed, it wasn’t drastic, but it held a hard edge to it.  
  
“But I like how he smells,” retaliated the younger. He could tell by the shift in Jackson’s demeanor that he doesn’t like Jinyoung wearing Jaebeom’s clothes. Well, that’s nice information to know. “He smells good. Besides, his jacket is comfy.”  
  
The growl that ripped through the elder's throat sent chills down Jinyoung’s spine straight to his toes. Jackson adjusted his arms so they were on either side of the younger’s head, caging him in and using them as support. Then he lifted his upper body so he hovered over Jinyoung. Their faces were close, their noses just barely touching. The close proximity of Jackson’s lips over his own made Jinyoung want to scream. “But you were wearing my jacket last night.”  
  
The younger rolled his eyes. He removed his hands from Jackson’s hair so he could cradle his head. The longer they stayed like this, the less likely Jinyoung will ever move. “Your jackets are comfy too, but sometimes I’d rather not smell like a body spray grenade went off in my shirt.”  
  
“I’d rather you smell like me though.”  
  
Oh. This is new. Jackson hasn’t openly expressed his possessiveness with words, just light touches or hasty grabs, this is the first time he’s being so forward with the black haired man. Jinyoung likes it. He likes it very much. It made butterflies explode in his stomach, a fuzzy feeling spreading throughout his body. He didn’t realize it at first, but Jinyoung felt hot. Maybe it was because of the body laying on top of him mixed with the fact that he’s wearing a hoodie, or because the man atop made him hot. With each passing second, the black-haired man could feel a heat pool low in his stomach. Every slight move or muscle twitch Jackson made sent fire through his veins. He knew where this scheme was headed, but he didn’t want to back down. At this point, either one could snap, but Jinyoung is determined to make sure it wasn’t himself.  
  
“If you eased up on the body spray,” the younger brushed Jackson’s bangs out of his face, “Then you’ll get what you want.”  
  
There was a glint of hope in Jackson’s eyes, one that seemed tiny, but it was still there nonetheless. It gave Jinyoung a bit of his own hope. But that was soon lost as a frown replaced the small smile he had on his lips and Jackson pulled on the younger’s ear. “Are you just telling me I stink?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
The elder barked out a laugh then dipped his head to bury his face in Jinyoung’s neck. He could feel the others smile against his skin, his breath wafting over his collarbone. He doesn’t know why he kept going back to the column of his throat, but Jinyoung isn’t about to stop him. His shoulders shook as his back muscles rippled under the movement, making the black-haired man’s breath catch in his throat. He always knew Jackson was fit, they’ve worked out together and forgoing a shirt most of the time showed it, but being able to feel the well-toned muscles under his fingertips was like a wake-up call. The thought of having his hard body on top of him, under him, _everywhere_ was too much to process. Jinyoung could feel a blush clawing up his neck to his cheeks. He needed to get out of this predicament before things, or rather _something,_ can get out of hand.  
  
“Hey,” the younger said softly, tugging on Jackson’s hair to get his attention. “We really need to get up. I don’t want JB to yell at us for being late.”  
  
Jackson grunted. “No. I’m not going anywhere.”  
  
He then fully moved his body on Jinyoung’s, their torsos were flush together while their hips connected nicely. Red alarms were blaring in the younger’s ears as Jackson shimmed until he was comfortably laying on top, a full body to body experience. He could feel everything, every muscle, every inch, every movement he made, he could feel it. Now it was time to get out.  
  
“Jacks, we _really_ need to go.” Jinyoung tried to break free of the elders vice-like grip but it was futile. While Jackson maneuvered himself, he shimmied farther up Jinyoung’s body so he was basically smothering the younger. He placed his hands on the broad chest above him and attempted to push him off but Jackson still didn’t budge. Panic was starting to rise in the younger’s throat, with every passing second being this close to the other man, Jinyoung could feel himself getting excited. He needed to get far away from him. Now.  
  
“Jackson, get off.” His tone was serious, but his words held no malice.  
  
“C’mon Jinyoungie, five more minutes.” The elder pressed himself to the body beneath him. Their hips caused friction that almost made Jinyoung let out a sound he _knew_ Jackson shouldn’t hear, especially this close.  
  
“I said _get off_!” So much for not snapping first.  
  
Jinyoung hooked his right leg behind Jackson’s pair and found the strength to finally push him off, using his body weight as leverage. He flipped them, Jackson landed on his back with a low grunt while the younger climbed atop him this time. Jinyoung straddled the brunette, his knees on either side of his hips while his hands were on his chest. He loomed over the elder, his hair falling in front of his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. Instantly, Jackson’s hands were on his thighs, gripping the supple flesh to hold Jinyoung steady. His heart hammered against his rib cage, blood rushing to his ears as he peered into the shocked expression the elder showed. Jackson’s eyes were wide, and mouth agape, like he wanted to say something but he couldn’t find the words. Then, in a split second so fast he could’ve blinked and missed it, Jackson’s expression morphed into something else.

  
Those soft brown eyes, eyes that held a warmth only Jackson can produce, turned dark. His irises seemed clouded and pupils dilated while his cheeks had a slight pink tint to them. His eyebrows went slack and his eyes turned lidded. His hair was pushed back, exposing his forehead and making Jinyoung lose focus. He was breathing hard, the younger could feel the rapid pounding of his heart beneath his hands as his own heart hammered in his chest.  
  
Park Jinyoung, what have you gotten yourself into?  
  
He was frozen in place with his legs spread on either side of his friend, supporting most of his weight. His back arched slightly, curving just enough so their fronts hovered dangerously close. Jinyoung didn’t notice how far his shorts rode up until Jackson started rubbing his legs, starting from his knees and inching higher until he was mid-thigh, his thumbs tracing circles on his milky skin. The younger’s breath hitched when the brunette squeezed slightly, he gave Jackson a glare that made a smirk crawl up his face.  
  
“You know,” began the elder in a smooth voice, sending chills through Jinyoung’s veins, “if you didn’t want to cuddle, you could’ve just said so.” Jackson’s eyes raked over the black-haired man, taking in the image of the young man straddling him.  
  
That shook the singer out of his cotton filled brain thoughts. He let out a snort. “Believe me,” Jinyoung sat on his hunches, removing his hands from the brunette’s chest (he pretended he didn’t see how his lips twitched downward) and ran a hand through his hair, “I would _love_ to be used as a body pillow the rest of the day, but I’m hungry and I need a shower.”  
  
Jinyoung was about to climb off his friend, but before he could even move, Jackson gripped the back of his knees. He shot a confused look to the elder, a declaration of protest on his lips when the words died in his throat. Jackson sat up, bringing their chest together as he ran his hands along the planes of Jinyoung’s thighs, roaming farther up until they stopped at his hips. The younger felt like his world tilted, he grew dizzy from the close proximity and drew in ragged breaths when Jackson nosed his collarbone. His left hand latched onto the elder's shoulders, he needed something stable to hold onto. He looked up at Jinyoung with hooded eyes and the younger felt the air leave his lungs.  
  
He knew Jackson was handsome, but now, he was breathtaking. The stars danced in his eyes, they sparkled so brightly Jinyoung had to look away. His gaze traced down his face, taking in his cheekbones and round nose. His eyes roamed over the strong jawline, his hand unconsciously coming up to trace the edges then gingerly cup his cheek. Jackson melted into the touch, nuzzling against his palm with a soft hum. Jinyoung’s eyes roamed until they finally landed on the elder's lips. Those lips, the same pair that praises and encourages the black haired man every day, looked so inviting. They seemed soft and plump, practically screaming at Jinyoung to test how silky they were.  
  
Maybe it was his foggy brain talking, but the younger _really_ wanted to kiss Jackson. He wanted to take his lips in his own, turn them red and swollen, run his tongue over them until the Chinese man was begging for more. Jinyoung felt his blood rushing south, but he didn’t care at this point, every fiber in his body was telling him to throw caution into the wind. He began to lean down, tilting his head until their noses brushed. He saw Jackson’s eyes widen, but within seconds they clouded over, turning hazy. Their lips were inches apart, Jinyoung could feel the elders breath ghosting over his face as his nerves were on edge.  
  
It all happened too fast. The younger, completely intoxicated with the other man, was suddenly pulled closer. Jackson tightened his grip around Jinyoung’s hips and tugged them flush against his own. That was a very bad idea. Jinyoung’s lower half made contact with the elders in a downwards motion, his growing erection brushing over Jackson’s front in a subtle (yet very effective) grind. Jinyoung breathed out a quiet moan at the sudden contact, the sound ghosting over the brunette’s lips.  
  
_Good going dumbass._  
  
The young singer retracted from the other man so fast he would’ve fallen backward if it wasn’t for Jackson’s tight hold on him. The hand that was cupping the elder's cheek shot to Jinyoung’s mouth, covering the damn thing before another embarrassing sound could escape. His eyes widened to the size of quarters while his face heated up like an oven, a deep blush creeping from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. He just moaned. He just moaned while grinding. He just moaned while he grinded on _Jackson._  This can’t be good for his health. But it felt _delicious_. Jinyoung wanted to do it again, he wanted to seek relief for his growing bulge that was beginning to feel too tight in his shorts. He wanted to rub against Jackson until stars blurred his vision and he finally got what he wants, what he _needs_.  
  
They were still joined at hips, Jinyoung frozen in place at an arm's length as his gaze scanned the elder's face and had to bite back a curse at the sight. Jackson’s eyes were blown, completely different from the way they looked at the younger not too long ago. His jaw was set, a muscle at the corner of his lip twitched slightly. He was breathing hard like all the wind was knocked out of him. Jinyoung has only seen those expressions in movies or read about them in his books, he hasn’t yet to witness it first hand until now. Jackson looked like he _wanted_ the younger, lust clearly written all over his face.  
  
Jinyoung’s stomach churned, twisting in a way that almost seemed painful. The hand that covered his mouth trembled, thankfully it was hidden due to the sleeves of his hoodie, while his other hand gripped the Chinese man’s shoulder so hard bruises will form later. His whole body throbbed with electricity, the feeling of excitement and nervousness mixing in to create a strong urge to close the gap separating them. Jinyoung’s hips moved on reflex, meeting Jackson’s once again, but this time it brushed against something hard. The small groan the brunette let out sent tingles through the younger. He wanted to hear that again. Jinyoung was about to say _fuck it_ andfully grind on the other man when someone pounded on the door.  
  
“Jackson-hyung, Jinyoung-hyung!” Bambam’s voice rang throughout the room. “We’re heading out at eleven, make sure you don’t leave anything behind.”  
  
Jinyoung felt like he was doused with cold water. Ice traveled down his veins, turning his limbs numb as he finally registered the position he was in. The younger scrambled off Jackson’s lap and went straight to his suitcase.  
  
“Yeah, we got it!” He frantically called out, his voice filled with fear. Jinyoung heard his younger friend say okay as he grabbed a handful of clothes. He needed to distance himself from Jackson, he can’t be near him right now. He probably ruined one of the best friendships he’s ever had, all because he couldn’t keep it in his pants.  
  
Jinyoung rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. He stripped and entered the shower, blasting the cold water, letting the spray hit him to calm down his overheated body. The sound of rushing water drowned out the strangled, “Fuck!” Jackson yelled before flopping back on the bed.


	5. My Reaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, we're back with a new chapter! Sorry this one took longer than expected, school has been on my ass lately but now I have time to update! I will be taking a small break from this fic because I'll be writing a new fic for Jackson's birthday, it'll be a long oneshot with lots of Wang Gae Park Gae feels. Please look forward to that and enjoy the newest chapter of Chapped!

If Jinyoung stayed under the spray of the shower long enough, would he drown himself? He’s had a couple of coughing fits just by accidentally inhaling water, so it’s still a possibility. He’d rather stay in the shower until he resembles a raisin than go out and face the man who’s the bane of Jinyoung’s existence.  
  
With every passing second, embarrassment burns him to the core, boiling so hot his cheeks are still red even with the ice cold water running. The gears in his head are still trying to process what just conspired in the other room not even five minutes ago. If there was an award for most embarrassing and emotionally traumatic experience, Jinyoung would take the cake. Yes, he’s done dumb things in front of the elder, but nothing beats grinding on top of him with a boner threatening to break free.  
  
He didn’t want to enjoy it. He knew it was weird and gross and all types of wrong, but fuck, it felt nice. The feeling of Jackson’s hands on his hips, his hard chest against the younger’s, his lips just a few centimeters shy of Jinyoung’s, everything felt nice. It felt _right_ . Too bad he can never face the rapper again or else his shame would literally burn him alive. He wishes he could turn back the clock so all this would’ve never happened. But a small part of him, the part that’s holding onto the tiny piece of hope, is glad it happened. He feels more connected to Jackson in some weird way, like that moment they had was just for them. There were no cameras, no screaming fans, no one to tell them what to do. They could be themselves and for that tiny moment, the little rift in time, it felt like belonged together.  
  
That was until BamBam decided it was a good time to ruin everything. When he really thinks about it, Jinyoung doesn’t know if he should thank or strangle the young rapper for interrupting them. Of course, he’s mad that their bout was cut short, but what would’ve happened after they kissed? Jackson would mostly let it happen, to let Jinyoung act out his desire before rejecting him, telling him everything was a “spur of the moment” type of reaction because that’s the kind of friend he is. He’ll allow the younger to kiss him, to feel him, to be with him for those few seconds because he’d want to make Jinyoung happy, even if it means he’ll lose a piece of his heart along the way. He’d explain that he was being extra clingy and he didn’t mean to send those mixed signals towards him.  
  
The singer shivered under the freezing water, chilling him to the bone. His erection long gone, but the need to wake up from this wonderful nightmare was too great. He knows things will be awkward between them now, he needs to distance himself before the situation gets too worse. Before he’s in too deep before he drowns in his love for Jackson.  
  
Jinyoung let out a dry chuckle. He leaned against the cool tiled wall and sunk to the floor. The water streamed down his body as he brought his knees to his chest, curling into a ball to hide his shame.  
  
“You fucking idiot.”

* * *

He fucked up. He fucked up _big time_.  
  
Jackson wanted to jump off a cliff. He wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there for eternity. He wanted to chase after Jinyoung and finish what they started. The rapper groaned as he covered his face with his hands.  
  
Why did he let this happen? He should’ve just climbed out of bed and gotten ready like he was supposed too. But no, he wanted to have a few more minutes with Jinyoung before they returned to reality. After last nights fan-meeting, their schedules won’t cross for another few weeks, so sue Jackson for being selfish. If he wanted to cuddle for a little longer than he will damn it.  
  
Too bad he’s an idiot who can’t take a hint. He should’ve gotten off Jinyoung when he was asked, but he was too immersed in the younger stroking his back. When his blunt nails dug into his muscles, Jackson had to hold back a groan. It stung a bit, but he loved it and he knew Jinyoung loved it too, the smirk he felt against his shoulder was more than enough to prove it. The elder enjoyed the body under him, the feeling of strong hands scraping down his back and hot breaths on his neck felt like a dream. Jinyoung invaded his senses, all Jackson could focus on was him and him alone. He didn't want to move, he wanted to stay atop the younger for as long as he could. That was his second mistake. When the younger flipped them, it was too fast for him to process. When his back hit the mattress and he opened his eyes to see the black-haired man on top of him, Jackson couldn’t help the feeling of desire slash through him.  
  
Jinyoung looked _beautiful_.  
  
His hair was tousled, sticking up in some places while his bangs fell in front of his eyes. His mouth was slightly open, his cheeks holding a light pink to them. His oversized hoodie was a bit lopsided, allowing a small sliver of his collarbone to be seen. But his thighs, god his _thighs_ , that’s what drove Jackson crazy. The younger’s shorts rode up a bit, giving the rapper a perfect opportunity to run his hands over the milky white skin while his knees were spread on either side of his hips. Jinyoung’s hands were placed on his chest, fingers curled and palms soft as he let out ragged breaths.  
  
Jackson remembers how he couldn’t move, he was too stunned to form words because the sight above him stole his breath. He knew he would never be able to see that image of Jinyoung straddling him again, so when he started to climb off the rapper, he panicked. He gripped the younger’s thighs shamelessly and sat up, bringing them closer than before. At least laying down, Jackson didn’t have to see his face, but when they were chest to chest, faces a just inches apart, he felt his brain shut down. All coherent words disappeared, if he were to form a sentence at that moment it’ll probably come out as gibberish. They were enchanted by each other, eyes roaming over their features to take in every detail they could.  
  
When Jinyoung’s eyes turned soft and he placed his hand on Jackson’s cheek, he felt lighter than air. The Chinese man felt his heart flutter, every nerve in his body jumped with anticipation. He expected something to happen, he just didn’t expect that something to be Jinyoung leaning down to kiss him. His soul left his body when their lips were inches apart, their noses brushing against each other sent Jackson over the edge. He wanted _more_. He wanted to feel every part of Jinyoung, the gap between them was too big for his liking so he pulled the younger close. That was his third and biggest mistake.  
  
When their clothed fronts made contact, Jackson could see stars. The hard bulge in the younger’s pants only proved that he enjoyed their position just as much as the rapper did. When Jinyoung grinded on the elder, it sent a jolt of electricity through his system, making his hardening cock twitch. Even though that small moment of contact felt like heaven, it didn’t beat the sound he made. When Jinyoung let out a breathy moan against Jackson’s lips, he had to use all his willpower not to jump him. His gut told him to pin the younger down, take control, and see what other sounds the black haired man could make. Jinyoung’s expression, however, spoke a different language.  
  
He looked afraid. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, eyes wide and hands shaky. The deep red that crawled up his neck to his face burned him with embarrassment, making him clutch the elder's shoulder with too much force. The hand that covered his mouth shook, making Jackson want to hold it in his own hand. He knew the younger felt mortified for emitting a sound like that, to be in an intimate position with him, but at that moment, the brunette didn’t care how he felt. Jackson just wanted him to do it again, his more dominant side telling him to have his way with the other man, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. He was frozen on the spot, waiting for Jinyoung to make another move. When he bucked his hips again, his erection bumped against Jackson’s own, making him groan low in his throat. He knew the younger felt his hard-on, their hips met full on, harder than the first time. The Chinese man was like a ticking time bomb, just seconds until he finally explodes and have his way with Jinyoung. If BamBam didn’t interrupt them, then he’s pretty sure he’d be in between the younger’s legs right about now.  
  
Jackson groaned into his hands. Of course, that image isn’t helping his raging boner practically screaming at him. He wants to take care of it, just a quick handjob and he’ll be fine, but he can’t. He knows if he were to jerk off right now, to Jinyoung who’s only a room away, the image of the black-haired man’s shocked expression would appear in his mind. The younger just didn’t look scared, he looked scared of _Jackson_ , like one word, one movement would bring his whole world down.  
  
At that thought, guilt clawed at Jackson’s throat, making it hard to breathe. All the signs were there, the trembling hands, the ragged breathing, his wide eyes filled with panic. Jinyoung was afraid of him. He admits his mind was clouded with lust and want, his desire to do less than innocent things to the younger growing more frantic the longer they stayed like that, but he’d never force himself into Jinyoung. Jackson can barely confess his love for him let alone actually do stuff he won’t be comfortable with. And that’s only if he feels the same. Yes, the moment they shared was intimate, they crossed boundaries they didn’t know was made until it was too late. Jinyoung would explain that it was just morning wood, that the touches were unconsciously done, that their almost kiss was impromptu. That their little piece of time spent together meant nothing.  
  
Well, looks like Jackson doesn’t have to worry about his hard-on because his thoughts scared it away. He needs to get out of here, he can’t be in the same room with Jinyoung knowing he felt uncomfortable with him. The rapper jumped off the bed and frantically threw on a shirt from his suitcase. He zoomed around the room grabbing his belongings just to stuff them in his bags. He almost tripped as he tried to put his shoes on while snatching his jackets from the closet. The longer he stayed in this room, the more shame built up in his chest. He needs to keep his distance from Jinyoung, he doesn’t want to hurt the younger any more than he already has. Once all his things were shoved in his bag, Jackson opened the door and hauled his suitcase out, unknowingly aware of the pair of sad eyes that watched him leave.    
  
The second he closed the door, the Chinese man made a beeline to Mark’s room, the wheels of his bag squeaking along the way. If there’s one thing he needed right now, it was some wise words of advice from his eldest friend. Let’s just pray he’s fully awake or else all he’s going to get is a pillow thrown at him.  
  
Once outside his door, Jackson knocked but didn’t wait till Mark answered. He turned the knob and barged into the room, finding his friend sitting cross-legged on his bed, too immersed in a game on his phone to look up. The young rapper dropped his bags by the threshold and stomped over to his bandmate, emitting a loud sigh before unceremoniously plopping on the mattress. Jackson waited a few seconds, hoping Mark would acknowledge him, but he didn’t. He sighed again, louder and needier.  
  
“Bro, shut up.” The elders' eyebrows were furred in concentration. “I’m almost done with this level and if you make me mess up you’re dead.”  
  
Jackson pouted. “Aren’t you gonna ask me what’s wrong?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Well if you insist.” The Chinese man swiped the phone from his friend's hand, ignoring the shout of protest Mark made as he paused the game and shoved the phone in his pocket. “I need help.”  
  
The seriousness in his tone made Mark’s expression change from one of annoyance to one of sympathy. His features grew soft as he fully faced the shorter man. If there was something Jackson admired most about Mark, it was his willingness to help his members in any way possible. Whether it be a petty fight or help clean up a mess he didn’t make, the elder would be there.  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
The tenderness in his voice is what made Jackson breakdown. He shook his head, his chest tightened, his reply coming out choked. “No, I’m not.”  
  
He explained his situation, starting from last night with their trip to the store, how happy he was to spend time with Jinyoung. Then he moved to when they arrived back at the hotel and the mango episode.  
  
“Wait,” Mark held up his hands, the tips of his ears were a light red. “You got a boner from him eating a mango?”  
  
“Yes,” said the brunette as if it were obvious. “If you saw how he licked his fingers then you’d get one too.”  
  
Jackson continued his story, explaining how the realization of him being in love with Jinyoung slapped him in the face, then onto his conversation with Youngjae and how the younger male was acting strangely. Mark let out a snort.  
  
“Dude, you do know what Youngjae and Jaebeom are-“  
  
The Chinese man smacked the elders arm. “Stop interrupting me. It’s story time with Jackson-oppa.”  
  
“Never fucking say that again.”  
  
The younger man finally finished his tale with how they fell asleep in each other’s arms and their horrific (but equally amazing) morning. Jackson wrung his hands together, looking down as he let out a dry chuckle. “I’m such an idiot.”  
  
Mark had a sad smile on his lips. He placed his hand on his friend's shoulder. “Yeah, you really are.”  
  
“Wow, thanks for the clarification bro.”  
  
“You didn’t let me finish,” the elder rolled his eyes as he pinched Jackson’s shoulder. “You’re definitely an idiot, but Jinyoung is one too.”  
  
At that, the shorter man looked at his friend with curious eyes. How can Jinyoung be the one at fault? It was Jackson who initiated everything, he was the one who didn’t listen when he was asked to get off, he was the one who pulled the younger close. Jackson is the reason Jinyoung isn’t comfortable with him anymore.  
  
“I can see your gears going into overdrive.” Mark flicked his forehead. “But you need to understand it takes two people to tango. Jinyoung is bigger than you-“  
  
“Hey!”  
  
“So he could’ve easily thrown you off, but he didn’t. He also could’ve knocked you out if he wanted too, you’ve seen him wrestle Yugyeom _and_ Jaebeom. If he didn’t like it, then he would’ve told you, but he didn’t.” Mark shrugged. “He enjoyed it, case closed.”  
  
The image of Jinyoung’s shocked expression flashed in Jackson’s mind. He looked down at the mattress and asked in a quiet voice, “Then why was he so scared?”  
  
“He wasn’t scared, he was just embarrassed. I mean, c’mon,” Mark raised an eyebrow, “if you had a boner and grinded on your friend, you wouldn’t feel mortified?”  
  
“No, I’ve done it to you.”  
  
“Jackson, you were drunk, that’s totally different.” The elder’s cheeks held a red tint at the horrible memory. After that day he swore never to leave the Chinese man alone with multiple bottles of alcohol.  
  
“Then why did he run away? He just grabbed his stuff and locked himself in the bathroom. He didn’t even look at me.” Jackson felt tears begin to form. His hands shook as he pressed his palms to his eyes, hoping to hide the dam that was threatening to break. “What if he hates me?”  
  
If only he didn’t cover his eyes. If he didn’t, then the younger would’ve been able to block the pillow that hit him. Flashbacks to last nights conversation with Youngjae came rushing at him.  
  
“Out of all the dumb shit you’ve ever said, that has to be the _dumbest_ ,” Mark exclaimed as he smacked his friend once more for good measure, ignoring the yells of protest. “Don’t think like that.”  
  
Jackson picked his head up, a few tear streaks staining his face. “But what if-“  
  
This time the shorter man successfully blocked the attack. He tugged the pillow from the elder's grip and threw it across the room. “Knock it off!”  
  
“Then you knock it off!” Mark’s voice grew in volume. He wasn’t mad, though, from the tone of his voice, he needed the other to listen. “Jinyoung hates a lot of things, but he’ll never be able to hate you. Jackson, have you seen the way he smiles around you? He thinks you’re the funniest person in the world. How about when we’re interviewed? He asks the others to switch positions so he can be near you.”  
  
Mark placed both hands on his friend's shoulders before continuing. “Bro, Jinyoung is _crazy_ about you. He has been for years, he’s just starting to realize it now. So yeah, you’re an idiot for putting yourself in a situation where things aren’t going too well, but Jinyoung is an even bigger idiot for letting it happen. Both of you are dancing around each other, it’s only a matter of time before the music stops.”  
  
Jackson wanted to scream. He wanted to scream or cry or kiss Jinyoung, maybe he’ll do a weird mixture of all three. But the thing he wants the most is to just hold the young singer. He wants to cradle him in his arms and never let go, to feel his heartbeat, to feel him pressed close to his body. He just wants Jinyoung.  
  
“Hey, look at me,” Mark’s voice was tender, holding a gentle edge as Jackson picked his head up. His dark brown eyes were full of compassion, his heart going out to his friend. “Jinyoung likes you. He adores you. Jackson,” The rapper’s face broke into a grin, “he _loves_ you.”  
  
His world tilted. Jackson felt like the earth beneath him gave out, making him fall through the air while his insides wanted to become his outsides. Jinyoung loves him? Does he actually? The younger feel like Mark is just saying that to make him feel better, a pep talk that held no real meaning. But Mark has never lied to him, ever since they met as clueless foreigners, the elder has always looked out for him. Mark wouldn’t lie about something like this. But, in Jackson’s own insecurity filled mind, he still wondered if Jinyoung even wants to be in the same room as him. He can’t help but mull over the other man running away from him.  
  
“Hey,” Mark flicked the younger’s forehead again to get his attention. “I know what you’re thinking. He’s not scared of you, he could beat your ass if he wanted too and you’d let him. Hell, I’m pretty sure you want to beat yourself up.”  
  
Okay, he has a point.  
  
“He might avoid you the whole day, but you need to understand that he doesn’t know how to deal with it. You need to make the first move in talking about what happened. We both know his pride won’t allow him to look at you let alone talk to you.”  
  
Damn. Jackson hates it when Mark does that. He tells the young rapper what he needs to hear and gives him advice on how to fix things. He makes valid points and shines a light on Jackson’s dark thoughts when he doesn’t know what to do. It’s annoying how amazingly good of a friend Mark can be.  
  
“So, just take things slow. Everything is gonna work out. It might take a while, a week at tops, for things to blow over. Or,” Mark shrugged while an evil spark shined in his eye, “the sexual tension could build up and in a couple of days he could be blowing _you_.”  
  
“Oh god, please don’t say that.” Jackson groaned. He doesn’t need the image of Jinyoung on his knees, between Jackson’s legs, mouth wrapped around his-  
  
Mark’s high pitched laugh broke his thoughts, turning the Chinese man bright red. The elder clapped his shoulder as the heat traveled to his ears. “Wow, I didn’t know that color existed. I never expected the great Jackson Wang would blush over the thought of Jinyoung giving him a blow-“  
  
Jackson lunged forward and grabbed the back of Mark’s orange hoodie, pulling it over his head. “Shut up, carrot lookin’ ass!”  
  
“Oh yeah?” The taller man shoved his friend, earning him a toothy smile. “Well, you look like a tomato!”  
  
The pair laughed until their stomachs hurt, both letting out cackles that echoed through the room. This time, when tears prickled Jackson’s eyes, it was out of laughter and good-natured fun. Arms were swinging and legs kicking at the other in an attempt to land one of them on the floor. Once Mark got a good push on him, Jackson went tumbling down, his laugh louder than ever.  
  
He stood up, running a hand through his hair as he tried to catch his breath. He feels lighter like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He doesn’t seem as on edge anymore, his jumping nerves going back to normal. Jackson faced his longtime friend, his brother, and smiled.  
  
“Thanks, Mark, for talking with me.”  
  
“For the record,” the elder stood from the bed and made his way to Jackson, his eyes soft. “You barged into my room and took my phone. I had no other choice than to speak with you.”  
  
“And what a good choice that was. If you didn’t, then I would be sulking all day and you don’t want that.” The young rapper went in for a hug, wrapping his arms around Mark’s shoulders and holding on tight. They clapped each other the back before separating, bright grins on both their faces.  
  
“Well, a sulking Jackson is a quiet Jackson, so I wouldn’t be complaining.” He held out his hand. “Give my phone back, I still need to get my things together. You can get ready in the bathroom.”  
  
The younger fished the device out of his pocket and handed it over. “Thanks, I need a shower. After all that, I feel like I need a wake-up call.”  
  
“Just make sure if you jack off to Jinyoung, clean it up. I don’t want the housekeepers to deal with that.”  
  
“Mark!” Jackson’s face flushed a deep red, the color crawling up his neck to the roots of his hair.  
  
The elder threw his head back, his laughter only making Jackson more embarrassed. “I’m joking, I’m joking. You better prepare yourself, I’ll be cracking jokes left and right until you guys get together. Jaebeom and I are gonna have a blast.” The smirk that appeared on his lips made the brunette groan. Why does his best friend have to be such as ass? Where’s the receipt? Jackson wants a refund.  
  
The Chinese man went back to his suitcase, trying to will away his blush. He was looking for his moisturizer when a thought occurred to him, one that made him frown. “Hey bro?”  
  
“What’s up?” Mark was folding his clothes and putting them in his bag, his back facing the younger man.  
  
“When was the last time you shared a bed with Jinyoung?”  
  
“I don’t know, what month is it?” Jackson told him the current month, his frown deepening. “Oh, a couple of weeks ago actually. He came over to my place to help me write some songs and stayed the night. We had a few beers, so we knocked out pretty early.  
  
He continued to fold his clothes, acting like this was a normal conversation, while Jackson felt jealously boil in his stomach. Jinyoung stayed the night? They drank and wrote songs together? What else did they do? The shorter man finally found his bottle of moisturizer and stood, gripping the tube too tightly in his hand. If Jackson knew Jinyoung as he does, then the young singer would be overly touchy while intoxicated. He’d drape his limbs on anything that moved, snuggling close until he was smothering the other person. In this case, that person would be Mark.  
  
“Does he normally stay the night when you guys hang out?” Jackson couldn’t help but press the subject further, wanting to know what the pair do while alone.  
  
“Sometimes. He doesn’t have any clothes at my place, so he borrows mine to sleep in. He still hasn’t given me back a couple of my shirts.” Mark chuckled as he closed his suitcase, moving to his carry on bags next. “You know he makes little noises in his sleep? And he loves being the little spoon?” With his back turned to the younger, Jackson couldn’t see the other man trying to hide his laughter.  
  
“Yeah, yeah I knew that. It’s pretty cute.” The Chinese man said through clenched teeth. Of course, he knew that he slept with Jinyoung last night.  
  
“Oh, and if you kiss the little mole on his hip then he’ll-“  
  
“If you _what_?” Jackson felt a fire in his veins. He marched over to his friend, fully prepared to demand why he would be _kissing_ Jinyoung’s _hip_.  
  
Before he could even get close enough, Mark fell on the bed, holding his stomach as he exploded into a laughing fit. His high pitched howls echoed throughout the room, making Jackson stand dumbfounded on the side. Damn, this is the second time within a day where he wanted to strangle one of his bandmates.  
  
Mark’s laughter ceased to tiny giggles as he sat up, wiping a few stray tears as he tried to catch his breath. “Dude, I’m fucking with you. I can’t even remember the last time we shared a bed. He hasn’t been over in weeks.”  
  
The elder could visibly see Jackson’s shoulders relax. He snorted when the brunette flipped him off. “I hate you. I hate you so freaking much.”  
  
“Don’t worry, nothing happened between us. Yeah, we drank the last time it was just us, but he was sober enough to go home.” Mark stood from the bed, his stomach still contracting from laughing so hard. He patted Jackson on the back before continuing to gather his belongings. “You don’t have to get crazy on me, I’m not trying to steal your man.”  
  
Jackson calmed down, his split-second rage gone the moment he knew it was a joke. Mark does have a point, his possessive streak was even more prominent than before. He doesn’t want anyone, even his own friends, touching Jinyoung like he does, holding him as he does. But does he even have the right to do that? Jackson can’t be keeping the younger all to himself, despite his desire to do so. They’re not even together.  
  
_We’re not together._  
  
Suddenly, a wave of emotions washed over the rapper. He felt giddy, angry, and every word in the dictionary to describe how in love he felt. He was giddy because the thought of Jinyoung and him dating made butterflies explode in his stomach. But he was angry at himself for what happened this morning, he needs to fix it soon or else their relationship will be like walking on eggshells. If they don’t talk before they land in Korea tomorrow morning, then they’ll go a few weeks until they see each other again. He doesn’t know how or when they’ll talk, but Jackson is determined to set things straight. He can’t live with himself knowing Jinyoung feels embarrassed all because he was horny.  
  
“Jack.” Mark threw a stray towel at the brunette, watching as he caught it with ease. “Hurry up, we leave in an hour. I don’t want Jaebeom yelling at us and you don’t want to keep your boyfriend waiting.” The smirk on his face made the other man chuckle.  
  
“We’re not boyfriends.” A dopey grin appeared on Jackson’s face. His heart did a little happy dance. “At least, not yet anyway.”

* * *

Jackson took a shower in records time. By the time he got dressed and shaved, Mark was changing his clothes while mumbling to himself about anything he might have forgotten. The brunette exited the bathroom, going to his suitcase to shove his sleep clothes in when his stomach emitted a loud growl.  
  
“Either Coco stowed away in my bags or you’re hungry,” Mark said as he hauled his things near the door. “Yugyeom is picking the café today, let’s hope his picky ass won’t take forever to choose.  
  
“I’m starving, at this point, I’ll eat anything.” Jackson took his bags and placed them next to Mark’s, double checking if he had everything.  
  
“No, you wanna eat _Jinyoung_.”  
  
The elder didn’t have time to dodge the pillow thrown at him. He laughed as his friend blushed for the umpteenth time this morning, the scowl on Jackson’s face not matching his pink cheeks.  
  
“Am I going to have to deal with your teasing until I make a move?”  
  
“Nope.” The shorter man raised a hopeful eyebrow. “I’ll be teasing you even after you make a move.”  
  
Jackson groaned. Mark is an amazing friend, but sometimes the Chinese man wishes he’d fall down a well.  
  
The pair made one last sweep throughout the room, searching for any items left behind, then dragged their bags outside. They made their way to the elevator, chatting about mindless things when someone called out to them.  
  
“Mark-hyung, Jackson-hyung!” BamBam met them in front of the lift, his rolling bag trailing behind him. “Everyone’s downstairs in the lobby waiting for us. Our cars are on the way.”  
  
“Has Yugyeom picked a place to eat yet? I don’t want to wait until I'm old and gray for him to settle on a cafe,” said Mark as the elevator doors opened and all three men stepped inside.  
  
“Yeah, he did, one down the road. Once he saw that they serve chocolate shakes, he was convinced it's perfect.” BamBam rolled his eyes. He shouldn’t be talking, he chooses a place when he sees a sign that reads free refills.  
  
“Oh, I know which one you’re talking about.” Jackson pressed the ground-floor button and turned back to his friend. “Jinyoung and I passed by that place last night on our way to the store.”  
  
“You guys went out and didn’t buy me anything?” The youngest of the three clutched his chest in mock hurt. “How rude.”  
  
“I didn’t want to go out, he made me.” The knowing smirk Mark shot his way earned the elder an elbow to the side. He knows Jackson wouldn’t have been able to say no, even if he wanted too.  
  
“Is Jinyoung-hyung okay?” Asked BamBam as he took out his phone. “I went into Youngjae’s room and saw him in Jaebeom-hyung’s lap. He was rubbing his back and whispering in his ear. Is he sick?”  
  
Jackson’s heart dropped. Mark shot him a look of worry, his eyebrow creasing as he moved a little closer to his friend. The shorter man faced the Thai boy, his hands gripping his suitcase handle so hard his knuckles turned white. “What else were they doing?”  
  
“I couldn’t really see from the doorway, but Jinyoung-hyung’s face was in his neck. Their arms were wrapped around each other too.” BamBam put a hand under his chin. “Which is really weird because I thought JB-hyung and Youngjae were-“  
  
The elevator dinged and the doors opened. The young man let out an excited whoop once he saw Yugyeom sitting in the lobby and completely forgot his train of thought.  
  
Jackson stepped out of the lift like a robot. His face was neutral as he continued to walk towards the others. The image of Jinyoung in Jaebeom’s lap didn't sit too well with him. Does their leader know about what happened this morning? They’ve always had a close relationship, one that rivals Jackson’s own bond with the singer, but did their relationship go farther? Memories of smiles shared and touches exchanged between the two flashed in Jackson's mind. Jeabeom has always treated Jinyoung differently, his soft spot for the younger equal to his one for Youngjae. And that's saying a lot.  
  
His mind raced a mile a minute, thinking about how Jinyoung and Jaebeom have known each other for almost half their lives. In his conversations with Mark and Youngjae, they both stated Jinyoung likes Jackson, even going as far enough to say he loves him. But what about Jaebeom? Jinyoung loves Jaebeom, the whole group knows that, but they don’t know what type of love they share. Maybe in his confused and insecure mind, the brunette is overthinking everything. With how long they’ve known each other, one of them would have bound to share how they felt. But then again, after almost six years, Jackson couldn’t bring himself to tell Jinyoung either.  
  
Laughter broke Jackson out of thoughts. He looked up to find Jinyoung, Youngjae, and Jaebeom walking towards the rest of the group. All three of them had smiles on their faces, laughing at a joke Youngjae told them. Jaebeom had his arm around Jinyoung, smiling fondly at him. Jackson felt cold.  
  
Their eyes met and time stopped. The noises around them faded into the background. The pouring rain outside only made the lobby feel colder. Jinyoung’s face dropped from a happy smile that always made Jackson feel lighter than air, to a small frown. His lips tugged downwards and his eyes grew sad. It was only for a split second that his expression resembled one of a kicked puppy before he composed himself again. Jackson’s stomach dropped.  
  
Jinyoung whispered something into Jaebeom’s ear, the elder nodding and removed his arm from the other's shoulder. He walked over to Jackson, every step he took echoed in the shorter man's ears. He was only an arms lengths away, if Jackson just reached out, then he could grab his hand. He could explain everything that raced through his mind and the conflicting feelings of his heart. But he knew it wasn’t the right time.  
  
Jinyoung stood in front of the Chinese man. They didn’t say a word, only searched each other’s eyes for that little something that would spark the fire that burned through both of them. A fire that blazed so bright, it burned both of them alive.  
  
The singer placed his hand in his pocket. Jackson held his breath until Jinyoung brought out the chapsticks from last night. “You left these on the nightstand.”  
  
The brunette stared at the two small tubes in his outstretched hand. He took them with a quiet thank you, trying to ignore the rush he felt from their hands touching. Jackson stuffed them in his pocket, his eyes never leaving Jinyoung’s deep brown ones. The singer nodded, like he did what he needed to do, and began to turn around. Jackson’s heart sped up, he needed to talk to Jinyoung and he couldn’t wait any longer, so he grabbed onto the younger’s wrist. His fingers wrapped around his limb, caressing the soft skin on his hand.  
  
His actions were on such an impulse he didn’t know how to form coherent words. Jinyoung’s eyebrow creases only deepened as he glanced at their hands, his confused expression making Jackson feel nauseous.  
  
Jackson cleared his throat before speaking. “We need to talk.”  
  
His expression turned from confusion to utter panic. Jinyoung’s response came out as a stutter, “T-there’s nothing to t-talk about.”  
  
“Yes, there is,” insisted the brunette. He took a step closer to the younger. “What happened this morning-“  
  
“ _Jackson_ ,” Jinyoung hissed through clenched teeth. “Nows not the time.”  
  
“Then when?” The Chinese man was growing impatient. They needed to settle things soon or else they’re going to continue this awkward dance around each other. “You’re not running away from me this time.”  
  
Jinyoung’s features softened. His mouth opened and closed like a fish. He was too stunned at the realization that he did run away from Jackson. But if he didn’t want to cause a rift in their friendship because he couldn’t keep his feelings in check, then he’d have to do more than running.  
  
Jinyoung’s hand turned in Jackson’s hold. He gripped the others hand hesitatingly like he was scared the elder would pull away. Jackson has never pulled away from him.  
  
“Later, alright?” Jinyoung’s eyes traveled from there joined hands to Jackson’s own. “Just...later.”  
  
He squeezed. Once. Twice. He rubbed his thumb over Jackson’s knuckles and then released him. He walked back to Jaebeom. It was sheer willpower that kept Jackson from going after him and collecting him in his arms. What he didn’t know, was that Jinyoung had to resist the urge to do the same.


	6. Come Back To Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, two months and we're finally getting an update, happy early Christmas! Sorry for not updating Chapped and kinda leaving it to rot for a while, but I finally found the time (and motivation) to continue. My updates for both this one and Surprise! will vary from now on until June due to finals, but once summer starts, Jinson nation better be ready for the fics I have planned. Until then, enjoy!

“You should talk to him.”

“I’ll do it later.”

“Do it now. He keeps looking at you like a sad puppy.”

“Youngjae, shut up and drink your coffee.”

Jinyoung was on edge. He kept bouncing his leg under the table him, Youngjae, and Jaebeom occupied. It had nothing to do with the two shots of espresso he put in his coffee, it was because he felt the pair of eyes on his back. He knew if he looked behind him, Jackson would be staring.

Throughout the morning, from the time they left the hotel to now inside the café Yugyeom chose, Jinyoung was avoiding him. When he saw that Jackson was occupying a certain car, he’d then go to the other one. When the rapper was standing a little too close as they ordered their drinks, Jinyoung would move next to Jaebeom. When the younger walked past the table Jackson sat at all alone, he’d avert eye contact and make a beeline for Youngjae’s table.

The little moment they had in the hotel lobby left him with a small hole in his chest, one that cried every time they were near each other. The singer knew they needed to talk, to clear the air before they landed back in Korea. If they don’t, then they won’t see each other for weeks and the embarrassment of this morning's events would eat him alive. He needs closure, to know that Jackson was just messing around, just being his overly affectionate self. But there’s that little spark of hope that wishes their time together, that small moment that felt so intimate, so real, was a hint to how the rapper felt about him.

Jinyoung was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt a hand on his leg. He looked at Jaebeom who was rubbing soothing circles on his inner thigh, stopping his bouncing leg and calming him down instantly.

“You don’t have anything to worry about.” Jaebeom gave him a soft smile, one he’s seen countless times when the younger was at his lowest. “You can work this out. I know you. I know _both_ of you. You’ll get through whatever this weird limbo is.”

Jinyoung let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. If he didn’t have Jaebeom by his side then he would’ve had another breakdown. Earlier when the singer was finished with his shower, he packed his things and ran to his leader's room again. The moment Youngjae opened the door and saw his face, he stepped aside and Jinyoung dashed to Jaebeom who immediately opened his arms. He held his longtime friend, rubbing his back to release the tension in his shoulders. He explained what conspired in their room and how Jinyoung wishes he could throw himself down a well. They spent a few minutes like that, the taller man in the elder’s lap with arms wrapped around each other. Jaebeom didn’t try to talk to him about it, he just let his friend word vomit while a few tears escaped him. He’d occasionally whisper soothing words in his ear to ease his racing heart and shaking hands.

At one point BamBam poked his head into the room to tell them to hurry up and saw their position. He shot Youngjae a curious glance but the main vocal just told him to beat it. The Thai boy didn’t question why his older friends were holding each other, but he could tell from the way Jinyoung’s shoulders shook, he shouldn’t be in the room. Youngjae told him they’d be right down then BamBam retreated back to Yugyeom, giving one last worried look to his brothers before closing the door.

It took Jaebeom another few minutes for him to calm down his friend. He just held Jinyoung until he stopped shaking then wiped his tears away. It wasn’t until Youngjae came over and hugged him too, giving him reassuring words with a sunshine smile. They told him he’d be okay and the more they repeated it, the more he started to believe it. Jinyoung shook himself out of his little slump and put a smile on his face as he told them he’s alright. However, he’s always been a good actor.

“Talk to him when you’re ready.” Jaebeom kept rubbing his thigh, his hand was warm and strong. It anchored Jinyoung when he felt like he was drifting away. "I know it's hard right now, but don't try to avoid him either. The more you guys are apart, the more it hurts both of you."

"I thought I was best friends with an old man, not a fortune cookie."

"Old Man Jaebeom is off duty right now. It's Wise Jaebeom's time to shine." Their leader fluttered his fingers in front of his face, making his friend and boyfriend break out into little fits of laughter.

Jinyoung felt a bit lighter, his chest doesn't feel as tight anymore and he could breathe again. The elder always knew how to cheer him up with words or touches or even doing jazz hands. If it'll make the black-haired man crack a smile, then he'll do it.

“I feel like Wise Jaebeom watches too many dramas.” Jinyoung let out a chuckle as he sipped his drink. “What would I ever do without you?”

The elder ruffled his hair with a small smile. “You’d be crying in a ditch.”

The three of them laughed again, the atmosphere was lighter, a bit more cheerful despite the incident that went down not too long ago. The singer scooted his chair closer to his leader so he could lay his head on those broad shoulders. Jaebeom shifted his arm so it rested around Jinyoung, making him snuggle closer into his side.

“Hey, don’t get too comfy,” Youngjae playfully pointed a finger at him, “that’s _my_ favorite cuddle spot.”

“Suck it up buttercup, let me love my best friend for a while.” And just because Jinyoung can, he tilted his head and planted a loud kiss on Jaebeom’s cheek.

There was a sound of glass shattering and a loud chorus of, “Jackson!”

The trio looked to their left to find the rest of their group surrounding a table dripping with spilled coffee. Jackson was sitting down, looking at his hand covered in brown liquid mixed in with red. There was a ceramic cup with huge chunks missing and cracks dancing along the side. Small shards of the cup were scattered across the table, some going as far as falling to the floor.

“Jacks your hand!” Mark was at his side with napkins. He took his friend's palm in his and started cleaning the shallow cuts. “Bam, go ask the staff for bandages. Yugyeom, tell the cafe to please clean this up.”

The maknaes nodded with wide eyes as they split off to do as told. Jackson sat in his seat with coffee dripping onto his lap and a blank expression on his face. His eyes were glued to his hand seeping blood then moved to Mark who was trying to gently clean his wounds. Youngjae was about to stand from his chair but Jaebeom called him back with a soft voice. He untangled himself from Jinyoung and leaned on his elbows.

“Mark’s got him.”

Jinyoung looked at the dark-haired man then to their oldest member who was mumbling something about Jackson being an idiot. His leg was bouncing again. His nerves were jumping with every passing second as his gaze shifted Jackson then, in a split second, he turned his attention to Jinyoung. They locked eyes, brown staring into brown, and his heart jumped. Jinyoung could see a sliver of vulnerability, that small wave of weakness overtake him as he kept looking at the younger. The realization hit him, Jinyoung broke eye contact to look at how close he was to the older main vocal. Jackson was mad that he was in Jaebeom’s arms.

Was he jealous? Was he so angry that Jinyoung was giving all his attention to their leader instead of him? He knows the Chinese man is possessive, but to be angry about Jinyoung being close with Jaebeom is strange, it’s never happened before. Jackson has always sulked or pouted whenever the singer would direct his attention to the other members, but he’d never go as far as to break something.

“There’s glass in your hand. C’mon, you need to wash it out.” Mark gripped his wrist then dragged him out of the chair, heading to a nearby restroom. Jackson’s head whipped towards him and he nodded, following their eldest member in a trance.

“You knew he’d react like that.” Jaebeom’s voice was stern in his ear. “You wanted a reaction out of him.”

Jinyoung hates when Jaebeom can see right through him. Part him did want a reaction, to see what he’d do, to prove if he really was jealous. Looks like the singer was right, but that still doesn’t explain why. If he doesn’t have any sort of feelings for him, then why would he even care if Jinyoung was close with his leader?

“If you don’t talk to him by the end of the day, then things are just gonna get worse.” Jaebeom stood from his seat and looked at his boyfriend. “Let’s go see if BamBam got the bandages.”

Youngjae nodded then stood from the table to follow him. Before he left, he patted Jinyoung’s hand in reassurance, then jogged to catch up with the elder. Their hands brushed against each other, resulting in them linking their pinky’s as they walked away.

Jinyoung sat at the table and watched as Yugyeom came back with the cafe staff and lots of apologies as they cleaned up the mess. The black haired man soon found himself focusing on the fractured cup that sat on the table, thinking about the man who broke it.

This is like a bad drama. Boy likes boy, boy doesn’t think other boy likes him back, they have an embarrassing but meaningful event, then both boys keep dancing around each other until one of them grows a pair and talks to the other. Jinyoung loves acting, but if he needs to be apart of this shit-show then he’s moving to the mountains and becoming a hermit.

He can’t stand the constant reminder of this mornings episode every time he looks at Jackson. He can’t handle the irregular beating of his heart whenever he hears the rapper’s voice. He feels like he’s going crazy at the mere sight of his smile. Jinyoung feels like he’s on a ship, one that’s violently rocking him back and forth, trying to throw him into the ocean but he keeps holding on. He’ll sink with this boat before he ever let's go.

Jinyoung’s gut is telling him to run to the restroom and take Jackson into his arms, kiss his cuts away, and spill his heart out. But his brain is screaming at him to push everything aside, to discard his feelings and forget everything he loves about Jackson. If only it was that easy.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Jinyoung fished it out then snorted at the text message on his screen.

**Jaebeom:** _I can see you sulking. Get up and go get your mans_

The singer glanced up to scan the large cafe and found Jaebeom, Youngjae, and BamBam with their manager on the other end of the room. The younger two were explaining what happened while his leader was looking directly at him with his phone in hand.

 **Jinyoung:** _He’s not my mans_

 **Jaebeom:** _Then go check up on your friend_

Jinyoung frowned at his device then placed it back on the table. He groaned then leaned his head in his palm as he stirred his coffee. Jackson is his friend before he’s anything else, he needs to fix the rift that’s growing by the second or else he won’t be able to even call him a friend anymore. But even if they do talk now, he doesn’t know how to start it off. He can’t just say _Hey I’m sorry for grinding on you and almost kissing you this morning, are we still bros?_

Jinyoung let his head fall to the table with a hard thump and sighed in defeat. He really is going to sink with this ship.

* * *

Mark dragged Jackson into the restroom, heading straight for the sink to wash his still bleeding hand. 

“You’re an idiot, you know that? You just don’t break a freakin cup because your boyfriend is getting cuddly with another guy. With Jaebeom for crying out loud!” Despite his harsh tone, Mark’s touches were gentle. He ran a stream of warm water over his hand as he tried to push the small shards out.  
  
“I didn’t mean too.” Jackson’s voice was small, almost fragile. “I was just...was just-“  
  
“You were pissed Jinyoung kissed Jaebeom.”  
  
The younger rapper let out a hiss of pain as Mark got a particularly large piece of glass out. Honestly speaking, that hurt less than the image of Jinyoung pecking his leader’s cheek. He doesn’t even know why he did that, but the fact that he did and he had a huge smile on his face while doing it, made Jackson boil. Jealousy, anger, regret, it all bubbled in his stomach as he witnessed the man he loves kiss his best friend.  
  
Mark finished getting the glass out then went to get paper towels. He patted his friend's tender palm and tried to be careful of the open cuts. They weren’t that deep, but they still seeped out blood if not taken cared of. Mark kept pressure on his hand as they made eye contact and sighed.  
  
“Jackson, you know that didn’t mean anything. They’ve been friends for years, Jinyoung wouldn’t suddenly ignore you and-“  
  
“He already has!”  
  
Jackson’s voice rose in volume, he could feel his temper increasing as his anger got the best of him. He’s been holding it in since this morning and that kiss was the last straw. He didn’t want to take it out on Mark, but knowing him, he’d let the shorter man express himself now before he blows up in a different situation.  
  
“I tried to talk to him, but he blew me off. He’s been avoiding me since we left the hotel. I stood too close to him earlier so he went to Jaebeom and held his fucking hand. He won’t even look at me!” Jackson retracted his hand from the elder and threw both in the air. “He’s acting like this morning didn’t happen, like he didn’t hold me or tried to _kiss me_!”  
  
The Chinese man backed up against a wall and gripped his hair. His throat was choking him from the inside out, making it hard to breathe as he struggled for air. His ears were ringing the more his voice got louder, he didn’t even care if anyone heard him. He’s angry. He’s so fucking mad he can’t even think straight. He’s mad about what happened, about his feelings, and the situation he’s in, but he’s furious at _himself_ the most. If he could just control his desire to have Jinyoung near him then none of this would’ve happened.  
  
Jackson felt tears start to prickle his eyes, but he refused to let them drop. “Did you even see him react to the cup breaking? He just sat there and looked at me! He didn’t even seem worried,” his voice broke, “like he didn’t even care!”  
  
“ _Jackson_!” Mark lunged at him, enveloping him in a tight hug. “Calm down. You don't know what you're saying."  
  
The brunette stood ramrod still until his legs give out. The two sunk to the floor, Mark still had his arms around his friend but his grip loosened. A sob rack through Jackson's body when he finally returned the warm embrace. He let a few tears slip out until he felt a hand wipe them away. The younger man sniffled before picking his head off Mark's shoulder.  
  
"I-I'm sorry."    
  
The main rapper wiped his face, drying the tear stains as Jackson regained his breathing. He sat in front of him and took his wounded hand in his own. It was bleeding again.  
  
“You don’t need to apologize. I know what Jinyoung was doing, he knew you were watching him.”  
  
“Then why-“  
  
“I don’t know why.” Mark stood to grab more paper towels and returned to the floor. He took his hand again to wipe the blood as he sighed. “Jinyoung is...testing you, I guess.”  
  
“The fuck does that mean?” Jackson hissed as his friend put a little too much pressure on his palm.  
  
“He wants to see if you really have feelings for him. He wants to get any type of response out of you any way he can without actually having to talk to you.”  
  
“That’s fucking dumb.”  
  
Mark snorted in agreement. “It’s Jinyoung, he probably thinks this is a way of understanding how you feel about him.”  
  
Jackson rolled his eyes as his friend let go of his hand. He inspected the wounds, they should be gone in a few days, but they still stung. The Chinese man dryly chuckled to himself, his heart was hurting emotionally now his hand is hurting physically. What a great day!  
  
“He’s supposed to be the bright one, why can’t he get his head outta his ass and see that I’m head over heels for him?” Jackson let his head slump against the wall. Mark moved to sit next to him and patted his shoulder.  
  
“At this point, I’m pretty sure the only way he’ll understand is if you push him against a wall and suck his dick,” said the American man as he tried to hold in a laugh.  
  
It took Jackson a couple of seconds to process his words before his face burned a deep red and he let out his own laugh. However, if he’s being completely honest, he’s not _totally_ opposed to that idea.  
  
The air turned lighter, the mood was less dark as the brunette laughed along with his friend. He was still battling an internal war within himself and his hand was still throbbing in pain, but Jackson could breathe again. He scooted closer to Mark and laid his head on his shoulder, picking at his dry coffee stained sweatpants. That’s going to be a bitch to get out.  
  
They sat there is comfortable silence until Jackson blurted out the thought that’s been bugging him since they left the hotel elevator that morning.  
  
“Does Jinyoung like Jaebeom?”  
  
“Jack, you sound like a high schooler trying to get the dirt on his crush.” Mark chuckled and glanced down at him only to find Jackson’s eyes dead serious. The taller man sighed and sat up straight to fully face his friend.  
  
“Listen to me carefully,” the older man grabbed his face and squished his cheeks, “Jinyoung doesn’t have any sort of romantic feelings for Jaebeom at _all_.”  
  
“How do you know?” His lips pursed, making Jackson look like a fish.  
  
Mark scoffed. “Because Jinyoung knows JB and Youngjae are fuck-“  
  
The door to the restroom opened with a loud squeak and a timid voice called out to the pair.  
  
“Mark-hyung? Jackson-hyung? Are you in here?”  
  
Yugyeom poked his head into the room and found his friends on the floor opposite him. He stepped inside with a fresh pair of jeans along with a shirt and a worried look on his face. He looked down at Jackson and the Chinese man felt his chest tighten. Their youngest member looked nervous, almost scared.  
  
“A-are you okay hyung?” His voice was small. “Is your hand alright?”  
  
The brunette stood from the floor and hugged the taller man, Yugyeom immediately wrapped his arms around Jackson. He might not be a kid anymore, but he still gets scared. He doesn’t see his members fight or get angry often so when that happens, he doesn’t know how to react. He either wants to comfort his friend or back away in fear at the explosive emotions. He’s not that exposed to the darker side of his older members and Jackson is sure as hell going to keep it that way, no matter how old he gets.  
  
“I’m fine Gyeom,” he said as he rubbed the younger’s back. “It was an accident, everything is fine.”  
  
Yugyeom gripped his shoulders maybe a little too tight, making Jackson groan a bit. He finally released the rapper and gave him the clean clothes.  
  
“Where’s Bam with the bandaids?” Asked Mark as he stood up as well.  
  
“The staff didn’t have any so him, Youngjae-hyung, and Jaebeom-hyung went to go buy some.” The dancer toed the floor with his shoe, not making eye contact with either of the rappers. “Jinyoung-hyung is still at the table.”  
  
Jackson saw the worried glance Mark gave him, but he shrugged it off. It’s fine if Jinyoung wasn’t worried about him, he probably hates Jackson’s guts right about now, so it’s completely understandable.  
  
“Hyung, are you sure you’re okay? I haven’t seen you that mad in ages.” Yugyeom picked up his head to eye Jackson. His fluffy silver hair fell in front of his eyes and Jackson had to resist the urge to brush them away as a parent would. “Even BamBam was scared for a minute.”  
  
“It’s nothing, I was just over thinking some things and my emotions got the best of me,” Jackson said smoothly, trying to cover up his internal screaming with a casual smile. “You don’t have to worry about a thing.”  
  
Jackson knew Yugyeom wasn’t buying it. He might be clueless at times (those times are mostly with BamBam) but he knows when his hyung’s are lying. It’s a wonderful skill he’s picked up over the years, but being on the receiving end of it isn’t good. Like at all.  
  
Yugyeom picked at his shirt, refusing to look at either Jackson or Mark, then started straight at Jackson and said, “It’s because of Jinyoung-hyung, isn’t it?”  
  
Jackson’s pre-thought of response that was somewhere along the lines of, “I promise to not break any more cups with my bare hands,” was caught in his throat. He narrowed his eyes at Yugyeom then to Mark.  
  
The older rapper put his hands up in defense. “I didn’t tell him. He probably saw you drooling over him at dinner last night.”  
  
“I wasn’t drooling!”  
  
“Yes, you were. He laughed then a bit of your water spilled out of your mouth.” Yugyeom was trying to hide his laughter behind a hand but Jackson smacked his arm before he could emit a single giggle. He rubbed his arm with a fond smile on his face before his eyes turned serious. “You didn’t like it did you? The kiss?”  
  
Jackson sighed. He couldn’t lie to Yugyeom, it was physically impossible. “No, I didn’t.”  
  
“You just don’t like him, do you?” The dancer’s eyes softened so much they looked like brown clouds. “You love him.”  
  
“Yeah, I do,” Jackson groaned, “I love him so fucking much it feels like my heart is gonna explode.”  
  
“Then why can’t you tell him?” Oh Yugyeom, sweet and innocent, Yugyeom, he doesn’t know jack-shit about relationships.  
  
“It’s not that easy, Yugs,” Mark spoke up from the side. “Jackson’s too scared.”  
  
The taller boy laughed like he just heard the funniest joke in the world. "Jackson-hyung is afraid to tell Jinyoung-hyung he loves him? You can't be serious! He basically shouts it at the top of his lungs every day!"  
  
"We know, but it's different this time around." Mark patted his shoulder with a soft smile. "You'll understand when you're older."  
  
"Hyung, I'm not a kid anymore."  
  
"You still need me to hold your hand in the airport because you'll get lost if I don't," said Jackson.  
  
"That was one time!" Yugyeom stomped his foot like the baby he is. No matter how old the kid gets, he's still the same snot-nosed brat he was in his trainee days and Jackson wouldn't have him any other way. The silver-haired man turned to the younger rapper and poked his chest. "We're not talking about that right now. You need to man up and tell hyung how you feel."  
  
"I'm not gonna take dating advice from someone who watches romance dramas all day." Jackson rubbed his chest, knowing a small bruise will form later. "Besides, I'm not sure he even feels the same."  
  
Yugyeom scoffed. “You’re kidding, right? We’re talking about the same Park Jinyoung? Tall, black hair, mole on his lip?”  
  
“If you know the damn answer, then why do you keep asking?” Jackson huffed, getting really tired of all these repetitive questions.  
  
“Because the Jinyoung-hyung I’m thinking about is completely different from the one you’re talking about.” Yugyeom saw the raised eyebrow both his hyung’s gave him then continued his explanation. “The one I’m thinking about is completely and utterly in love with you.”  
  
Jackson’s stomach did a somersault. This is the third person to say Jinyoung has feelings for the rapper. He wants to jump for joy, do a flip out of pure happiness at the news, but unless Jackson hears the words come out of the singer’s mouth, then he won’t believe anything. A million more people could tell him Jinyoung loves him, but Jackson will refuse their claims until Jinyoung tells him, until the words, “I love you,” leave his lips.  
  
“Jacks?” Mark is at his side with a hand on his shoulder and a confused look on his face.  
  
He didn’t realize it at first, but the Chinese man was frowning, his mouth was curled downwards at the ends and his eyebrows were pinched together. He didn’t look too happy at the new information, no matter how fast his heart was beating.  
  
“How do you know? You could just be saying things to make me feel better.” Jackson narrowed his eyes at the youngest member. He didn’t want to grill Yugyeom on something he might not know, but his emotions are getting the best of him. Jackson wants answers and he’ll get them by any means possible _without_ having to confront Jinyoung about them. He doesn’t want to face that man just yet, he’ll give it a few more hours until he can even get the guts to look at him after the coffee mug incident.  
  
“Hyung, it’s as plain as day. He’s always looking at you or touching you. There’s not a second that goes by where his eyes aren’t glued to your face or your ass.” Jackson felt a light flush crawl up his cheeks. Yugyeom smirked. “Jinyoung-hyung talks about you all the time, a little too much if you ask me. He’s always saying things like how you wear those dumb caps all the time, how nice your hair is when combed back, stuff like that. He even dreams about you for crying out loud!”  
  
At this point, his heart resembled a jackhammer, pounding hard and loud in his ears. He wants to believe everything Yugyeom is saying, but he can’t. “No, he doesn’t.”  
  
“Yes, he does!” The taller man whined while a pout threatened to break out on his lips. “Him and Jaebeom-hyung were talking and I couldn’t help but overhear,” Mark shot him a look that made the younger let loose the pout, “okay _eavesdrop_ in on their conversation.”  
  
Jackson’s ears perked up. Whatever is discussed between Jinyoung and Jaebeom is about as confidential as the password to Fort Knox. Before he knew it, he was facing Yugyeom with his whole body standing at attention. He motioned for the younger man to continue and when he did, Jackson’s world tilted.  
  
“Jinyoung-hyung said he had a dream about you. He was at your apartment, helping you with something. You guys were laughing and joking around when suddenly you two started slow dancing. You danced with him, confessed your feelings, then kissed him.” Yugyeom didn’t miss how Jackson’s breath hitched.  
  
“And then what? What did he say after?” The brunette demanded. His nerves jumped at the mention of the kiss, he wants the dream to be real. He wants to laugh with Jinyoung. He wants to slow dance in his apartment with Jinyoung. And he _really_ wants to kiss the living daylights outs of Jinyoung. “Jaebeom must’ve said something about it.”  
  
Yugyeom broke eye contact, he took a sudden interest in the patterns of the tile floor. “I don’t know what happened after. BamBam came around the corner and almost exposed me.” Jackson’s face fell but the next set of words that left the younger’s mouth made the rapper’s heart flutter. “But before Bam came, I heard Jinyoung-hyung say ‘as if he’d ever do that with me’.”  
  
Jackson could barely register the punch to his arm and the happy, “Told you so!” Mark emitted. He was too focused on a particular spot on the wall, one that had a smudge of dirt that closely resembled a flower. He inspected the flower, taking in the petal-like shapes and tried to morph it into a little rose. Jackson was too immersed in his rose that he didn’t notice Yugyeom trying to get his attention.  
  
“Hyung? You’re spacing out again.” He lightly shoved the older man and Jackson finally tore his eyes away from the wall.  
  
“I’m fine Gyeomie.” He gave his friend a forced smile, one he knew Yugyeom saw through. “I’m gonna change my pants. You and Mark can go tell Manager-hyung I’m alright.” He patted both of their arms then turned around and entered a stall.  
  
Jackson missed how Yugyeom reached out to him, how he was about to call for him. He didn’t catch when Mark lowered the younger’s arm and shake his head. He motioned to the door and the pair left, but not before shooting their brother a concerned look. Jackson wishes he didn’t see it.  
  
The Chinese man sat in the stall, staring off into the distance as his thoughts overtook his mind. He kept replaying the coffee scene in his head over and over again. The deafening _crack!_ of the mug will forever resonate in his head along with the loud smack of Jinyoung’s lips against Jaebeom’s cheek.  
  
Jackson balled his uninjured hand into a tight first, wrinkling the clothes he held. The memory will never leave him, he’s sure of it. The smile Jinyoung had as he leaned up to plant the kiss. The way he was glued to their leader’s side. The way he looked so content and happy will haunt Jackson because he wasn’t the one who made Jinyoung look like that. The brunette let out an emotionless chuckle.  
  
_As if he’d ever do that with me._  
  
Why’d he say that if he didn’t have feelings for the rapper? Jinyoung would never have a dream about Jackson, let alone one like that. Slow dancing in his apartment? Kissing him right after he confesses his undying love for the singer? Jackson could only wish! He’d do anything to make that dream a reality, he’d do anything to make Jinyoung his.  
  
The brunette sighed as he inspected his palm. The cuts stopped bleeding, but his wounds were an angry red that, left untreated, will only get worse. He knows a particular cut around his thumb will scar, leaving a reminder as the day Jackson broke a coffee mug with his bare hand because he couldn’t stand the sight in front of him. He wasn’t trying to stare at Jinyoung, he was honestly trying to listen in on the conversation the maknae’s and Mark were having, but his eyes were trained on him.  
  
The moment they left the car and entered the cafe, Jackson couldn’t take his eyes off him. Jinyoung acted like nothing happened between them like everything was normal despite him straddling Jackson’s lap not even two hours ago. He laughed like he didn’t touch the rapper so intimately. His eyes sparkled like his heart didn’t race just as fast as Jackson’s own when their noses bumped. He smiled like he didn’t try to kiss Jackson.  
  
Jinyoung has always been a good actor, but he can’t fake those kinds of moments. The Chinese man knows he felt something spark between them. The air was electric the second they made eye contact, but Jinyoung doesn’t seem to think so. The little patch of time they spent together must’ve meant nothing.  
  
The man groaned. Jinyoung is making his head shake and rattle like a roller coaster, making his hopes go up up up until they reach the top, then watch as his heart plummets with every thought of Jinyoung rejecting him. Jackson _hates_ roller coasters with a passion.  
  
He was getting restless. He didn’t know he was bouncing his leg until his phone vibrated in his pocket. He stopped the jittery limb and fished the device out (thankful the drink didn’t reach as far as his pockets), reading the text message from Mark that read _hurry up, we’re leaving in 5._  
  
Jackson stood from his perched seat on the toilet and removed his shirt, being mindful of his wounds. The clean shirt was black and a little too small, so it clung to his sides and biceps. Jackson’s sure if he flexed then it might rip. He took off his stained pants and thanked the Lord that his underwear didn’t have coffee on it, he wasn’t about to go commando. He wiggled into the fresh pair of jeans and sighed at the feeling of nonsticky legs. The pants hugged his thighs, but it was still a bit loose around the waist, he’ll have to ask for a belt.  
  
As Jackson looked over his soiled pants, he barely heard the squeaky sound of the restroom door opening. He didn’t notice the body enter the room, he was too immersed in remembering how to get a coffee stain out. He’ll call his mom later, she probably knows.  
  
He folded his dirty clothes and did a quick once over of his new ones. Once he deemed himself fine, Jackson opened the restroom stall but stopped in his tracks at the sight of Jinyoung leaning against the sink. He had his hands in his pockets and when his head snapped up at the sound of the door opening, Jinyoung’s eyes widened.  
  
Jackson’s stomach flipped as the younger’s eyes roamed his body, from the tips of his shoes to the wide planes of his chest. He took in every inch his eyes could see, lingering a bit on the rapper's arms, causing the brunette to lightly blush. Only when he cleared the lump in his throat did Jinyoung stop his ogling.  
  
“D-did Mark send you in here? I told him I’d be r-right out.” Jackson cursed at his stuttering, but the intense way Jinyoung was staring at him made him lose focus.  
  
The singer kept looking at him, his brown eyes burning holes in his chest, making the Chinese man feel a little hot under the collar until he stalked up to him. Jackson took a step back but instantly relaxed when Jinyoung gently took his folded clothes from him and placed them on the edge of the sink. He made his way back to Jackson and took his injured palm in his.  
  
“How’s your hand?” His voice was soft as he inspected the cuts. The rapper couldn’t find his voice, he was too stunned due to the way Jinyoung delicately held his hand, until the younger glanced up through his long eyelashes. He raised an eyebrow and Jackson finally spoke in a rough tone.  
  
“It’s fine. It hurts, but I can manage.”  
  
Jinyoung’s eyebrows pinched together, making little wrinkles appear on his forehead. “If you don’t care for it you could get an infection.” The black haired man reached into his back pocket and pulled out a package of gauze and disinfectant. He nodded towards the sink counter behind them. “Sit.”  
  
Jackson stared at him dumbfounded. Jinyoung could barely stand to be within a five-foot radius of him and now he’s telling Jackson to sit so he could tend to his hand. Looks like the roller coaster is going up again and he’s not looking forward to the drop.

Jinyoung motioned for him to sit again, with a bit more emphasis, and Jackson complied. He hopped up onto the sink counter and his breath hitched when Jinyoung stood between his spread thighs. With the added height of the counter, the Chinese man was a few inches taller. He could see the top of his head and had to resist the urge to run his fingers through the soft locks. The close proximity of their bodies made Jackson dizzy, he could smell Jinyoung’s cologne and feel his body heat. His hips kept brushing against the brunette’s inner thighs with every small movement. When the singer carefully gripped his palm again, Jackson felt his heart flip. Jinyoung quietly got to work tending his hand, he applied the antibiotic jelly and Jackson jumped at the stinging pain.  
  
“Sorry. Did I hurt you?” He didn’t make eye contact, but the elder could tell he was nervous. His shoulders were tense and he kept shifting like he was on edge. Jackson wanted to smooth his good hand down his back to remove some of the strain, but he couldn’t. At least, not right now.  
  
“No, no, you’re fine. It just stings a little.” His voice was scratchy. His throat was dry. His mind was foggy. His heart was beating to an irregular beat. Jackson thinks he’s dying.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Jinyoung continued to gently work his hand. His touches were featherlight, like he’s scared he’d hurt Jackson even more. The air was heavy with the unsaid words the brunette is yearning to scream out, then tension was so thick a chainsaw would barely make a dent. Jackson needed to grow a pair and get the burden off his chest, tell Jinyoung he’s sorry about this morning and explain his side of the story. However, he needs to figure out how he could reword _I was horny and I needed to feel you against me or else I would’ve gone insane._ There’s so subtle way to apologize for almost jumping someone, but damn it, Jackson is going to find a way.  
  
He can’t keep this game of cat and mouse going on forever. He feels like he’s chasing the mouse and right when he thinks he has it in his claws, the tiny, timid creature turns into a rabid bear. The bear roars and Jackson is suddenly running away in fear of having his throat ripped out. He doesn’t like this game, _at all._  
  
It doesn’t make any sense to him, really. Jinyoung acts like he doesn’t exist, completely ignoring him and giving him the cold shoulder, then he’s here, taking care of him. Jackson can’t wrap his head around it. Maybe he feels guilty about this morning too, so he thinks this is a way of apologizing. But he didn’t do anything wrong, yeah might have tried to kiss him, but maybe Jackson’s reading too much into it. Jinyoung only leaned his head in and made their noses brush, they do that all the time on and off camera. And they’re always in each other’s lap, maybe not in that kind of position with their legs spread on either side of the other’s hips, but it shouldn’t make a difference.  
  
Only, it did make a difference. A huge ass difference. One so gigantic Godzilla looks like an ant compared to it. Jackson just realized he’s in love with Jinyoung so any type of interaction just boosts his adoration for him, but their morning together made his current level of love skyrocket. He craves Jinyoung’s touch. His presence. His everything. He itches to kiss him and hug him and just be there. Jackson wants to be so much more than a friend, but he can’t even bring himself to reveal his feelings. He’s a coward who’s afraid of rejection because he knows he won’t be able to stay normal around the man he loves.  
  
If Jackson was a screenwriter then he’d make a killing off of his tragic one-sided affection. The public would eat up his despairs and struggles like their morning breakfast.  
  
Jinyoung finished applying the medicine then opened the package of gauze. He gingerly gripped Jackson’s hand and started to wrap the cloth around his palm and tried not to put too much pressure on his wounds. Jackson watched as he concentrated on his work, every once in a while he’d have to rewrap because the gauze was too loose or too tight. He’d poke out his tongue and furrow his eyebrows whenever he’d have to tuck a stray piece back into place. He looked adorable.  
  
Jackson tried to ignore how his other palm was sweating with nervousness and how his breathing was thin. He couldn’t think straight with Jinyoung so close to him, he could hardly look at the man in front of his without feeling like a complete fool. He messed up, now he has to deal with the consequences. He just doesn’t know how much more pain his heart can take.  
  
As he watched the younger begin to finish up his wrapping, Jackson started to panic. This was the longest they’ve been near each other without something going horribly wrong. He wanted to apologize about this morning and beg for any sort of forgiveness, Jackson knows he initiated everything and he’s fully prepared to get the full frontal force that is Jinyoung, he wants things to be fine between them. Jackson just wants his friend back. He opened his mouth, words on the tip of his tongue about to tumble out when he was cut off.  
  
“I’m not angry at you if you’re wondering that,” said the singer as he tucked one final piece of gauze into place.  
  
Jackson felt like he was sucker punched. The air was knocked out of his lungs as he took in those words. He’s not angry? But if he’s not mad, then why has he been brushing Jackson off? The Chinese man was about to ask when, once again, he was cut off. Honestly speaking, he doesn’t mind it though. In those two hours they didn’t speak to each other, the rapper really missed his voice.  
  
“I know you want to talk about, to clear the air and all that,” Jinyoung shyly glanced at his bandmate, “but I’m not ready yet.”  
  
It took a second for him to completely understand his words, but when he did, Jackson felt like an even bigger idiot. He’s been focused on explaining his side, his reasons for this morning, and totally ignoring how Jinyoung felt. He must feel the most embarrassed about his whole fiasco, after all, he did kind of moan when their fronts made contact. Not that Jackson’s complaining, he quite enjoyed it, but Jinyoung didn’t. The look of mortification flashed in the elder’s mind and his stomach lurched. He never wants the black haired man to wear that kind of expression because of him ever again. He wants to make Jinyoung smile, not cower in humiliation.  
  
Jackson cleared his throat before speaking. “It’s okay. We’ll talk when you’re ready.”  
  
The small, timid grin the younger gave him made the rapper feel a bit lighter. The bolder on his chest hasn’t been lifted, only a small portion, but it’s enough to make him breathe again. Jinyoung nodded then fully stepped back from him, holding Jackson’s wrapped hand in his to help him down from the counter. It wasn’t a far jump, but he didn’t point it out, he wanted to keep holding his hand a little longer.  
  
They stood a bit too close, not even an arm lengths away. It seemed to startle the younger man, making him release Jackson’s hand and step back. He didn’t even try to hide the disappointment on his face once he let go.  
  
“You’re probably gonna need to change the bandage when you get home.” Jinyoung ducked his head and rubbed his neck sheepishly. Shit, he’s really cute. “Just make sure to take care of it.”  
  
“Yeah, I will.” Jackson turned his head to the wall, not knowing what else to do, and spotted his flower with the smudged petals. His little rose seemed to bloom.  
  
The singer cleared his throat, he’s done what he needed to do. He doesn’t have to be in here. “We should get going. The guys are waiting in the car.”  
  
“I’ll be right out, just give me a minute.” Jinyoung nodded and took the clothes off the sink. He was about to walk out the door when Jackson called for him again. “Thank you. For, you know,” he held up his bandaged hand, “I appreciate it.”  
  
Jinyoung smiled a real one that reached his eyes and made them crinkle at the edges. It still held its shy appearance, but the elder could tell it was genuine. “Just don’t go breaking any more cups. Manager-hyung almost had a heart attack.”  
  
“I won’t make any promises, but I’ll try,” Jackson chuckled.  
  
Jinyoung had his hand on the door handle, about to push through and exit the restroom, when he stopped again. He slowly turned around and stared straight at the elder.  
  
“The thing that happened between me and Jaebeom? You don’t have to worry about it.” Jinyoung’s eyes were soft, but they still held a sparkle of mischief. “Besides, he’s kissing someone else.” He walked out the door, leaving Jackson stunned and very much confused.  
  
He stood there, in front of the mirror with a slightly throbbing hand and a racing heart. Jinyoung’s words replayed in his mind until he slowly understood what he meant. Jinyoung doesn’t have feelings for Jaebeom. At all. He’s in the clear. Jackson couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face. The fact that Jinyoung would even tell him means they’re okay, they’re not completely fine, but it’s a start.  
  
His reflection beamed back at him, a grin full of teeth and eyes shaped like crescents. If Jinyoung doesn’t have any sort of romantic feelings for their leader, then that means Jackson has a shot. He doesn’t know how big of a target he’s aiming for, he just knows there’s nothing standing in his way now. Well, there’s still the fact that he’s scared shitless, but right now he doesn’t care, he’s focusing on the good. He’ll deal with his crappy cowardly thoughts later, he just wants to bask in the fact that he’s making progress.

Jackson turned and walked to the door, about to open it and walk out of the restroom, when the smudge on the wall caught his eye. His rose was still the same size and still had the same dirt marks, but from this angle, it’s shaped changed. Jackson tilted his head, just to make sure, then felt another piece of the boulder chip off. It was a sign, he’s sure of it. He’s always been wary of the supernatural aspects of the universe, not fully believing in fortunes and messages sent to lead him to places, but he’s definitely following this one. From his position by the doorway, Jackson’s flower, his little rose friend, turned into a heart.

  
Even though Jackson is feeling giddy, excitement racing through his veins with the mere thought of pursuing Jinyoung, there’s still something that’s bugging him.  
  
Who the hell is Jaebeom kissing?

 


	7. If It's Only You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter!! this one took a little longer than expected because it's literally 10k words of Jinyoung going through it. I hope you guys enjoy!

Jinyoung felt like throwing up. Nausea finally hit him once he left the restroom, making him feel sick to his stomach. Being in such close proximity of the rapper right after their morning together was like a wave of emotions he didn’t want to deal with. That and the fact that once he entered the van Jaebeom asked him if he sucked Jackson’s dick.

“Beom, it’s not funny!”

Jaebeom’s cackle rang throughout the car, making Jinyoung blush and Youngjae snicker along with him. “You two were in there for ten minutes. You came running out with a red face and a bite mark on your neck. How am I not supposed to think you blew him?”

“Because I didn’t!” Jinyoung whined. He looked to Youngjae and pouted, going into full brat mode. “Jae, please control your boyfriend.”

“Hyung, you know he’s just messing with you. But,” Youngjae smirked, “Jackson-hyung did walk out of the restroom with a satisfied smile on his face.”

Jinyoung groaned and flopped back into his seat, covering his heated face. “I hate you guys, I’m revoking my therapy sessions with you.”

“C’mon Nyoungie, take a joke,” Jaebeom said as he leaned over to poke his best friends cheek. “I know you guys didn’t do anything. But that doesn’t explain why you have a hickey on your neck.” He poked that area too, earning himself a slap.

“He bit me when I kept bugging him to get up and get ready to leave.” Jinyoung pushed his hand away with a frown but Jaebeom poked his neck once more, just because he can. “Cut it out!”

His leader chuckled one last time before his eyes turned serious. “Did you talk about it?”

The singer broke eye contact. He suddenly found the raindrops sliding down the window very interesting. In a quiet voice, he whispered, “No. I’m not ready.”

Jaebeom nodded his head in understanding and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Even Youngjae scooted from his little nook in the backseat to ruffle his hair, easing the tension from Jinyoung in a single touch.

“We didn’t talk about it, but I did tell him not to worry about you and me.” Jinyoung glanced up at his oldest friend. “I think he understood, but I walked out before I could make sure.”

“At this point, I think hyung and I will just have to make out in front of Jackson-hyung for him to really get it,” Youngjae said with a laugh making Jaebeom’s eyes shine.

“I’m all for a make-out session,” his smirk was wicked, full of teasing and that hidden charm only he holds, “but I’d rather we be alone.”

“Ew, gross.” Jinyoung made gagging sounds and clutched his stomach, pretending to throw up at the mention of his two friends kissing.

“Shut it, lover boy. Like you don’t want to make out with Jackson,” Jaebeom said with his arms crossed.

“I think he wants to do more than make out.” Youngjae decided to put in his two cents and Jinyoung has never been more disappointed in him.

“That’s it, I’m jumping out. Both of you can go to hell. Tell my mom I love her and tell Coco she’s always been my favorite.” Jinyoung unbuckled his seatbelt and made like he was going to open the door of a moving vehicle, but Youngjae’s soft but strong grip around his arm held him back.

“We’re just messing around, don’t take it seriously, hyung. With how much you’ve frowned today I think you could use a few laughs.” The younger man reached around for the seatbelt and strapped him in, a few giggles still slipped past his lips but Jinyoung was too emotionally drained to care. “Besides, until you and Jackson-hyung get together, we’ll be making jokes all the time.”

“Even when you two idiots get together I’ll still be making jokes,” said Jaebeom. His tone was playful but his whole demeanor screamed seriousness. Is it too late to return a best friend?

Jinyoung slouched in his seat. He loves them, really does, but he won’t hesitate to drop kick both of them down a well. Youngjae has no filter most of the time so he just blurts out whatever comes to mind, but his sunny personality makes up for his sharp jab of words. Jaebeom knows when to joke around and poke fun at his members but also act like a big brother at the same time. They’re a good combination, a mix that has helped Jinyoung in the past few hours when he needed it.

He didn’t notice until now, but they’re like a security blanket for him. Jinyoung always ran to Jaebeom when he’s in a crisis ever since they were trainees, his big brother aura always calming the young singer down instantly. Now he’s looking for Youngjae for advice and comfort. His bluntness leaves no room for explanations, he’ll tell Jinyoung like it is and he appreciates it, more than he lets on. All three of their personalities click, making a little unit of support for Jinyoung that he knows he can count on. They’ll help him through his Jackson induced situation in any way they can, but they definitely won’t make it easy for Jinyoung along the way. Despite their attempts to cheer him up or make him forget about his horrible day, he can’t get the tornado of thoughts to stop thrashing around in his head.

“That’s _if_ we get together,” he mumbled, sinking into his seat more. His somber mood just keeps getting worse the more he thinks about the situation. Jinyoung cleared some things with Jackson, but the unavoidable conversation they need to have still sat like a rock in his stomach.

“What do you mean if you get together?” Jaebeom lightly shoved his shoulder, making Jinyoung give him a side eye. “I’m betting five thousand won you’ll be happily dating by next week.”

“Don’t put bets on things you’re going to lose.” The little cringe his leader gave matched the one in his heart.

“You still have doubts? Hyung, if he didn’t love you then why would he be angry enough to break a mug with his bare hand?” Youngjae scooted behind Jinyoung’s seat and ran his fingers through his hair. The soothing strokes through the soft locks made the singer loosen up a bit. His shoulders didn’t feel as tense and his leg stopped bouncing. “Jackson-hyung wouldn’t act like that with just anyone.”

“Maybe he was just angry at himself that he wasn’t in my position.” Jaebeom shrugged. Jinyoung didn’t miss how he glanced at Youngjae with hopeful eyes.

“Yeah, about that,” the youngest of the three moved to the middle seat and leaned over the aisle to cup Jaebeom’s head, bringing him to his chest, “don’t do that again. I’m the only one who can kiss him.” And just because Youngjae felt like he needed to prove a point, even though he really didn’t, he brought their lips together in a short kiss. Jinyoung could see the smirk on Jaebeom’s lips when they separated. This cheeky bastard.

“The more you two flaunt your gross love, the more likely I will _actually_ jump out.” Jinyoung’s tone had a twinge of annoyance, but the small smile threatening to break through ruined his facade.

He couldn’t be angry at them for acting like a happy couple, if anyone needed a slice of happiness provided in a relationship, it’s Jaebeom. With all the stress of being a leader, a big brother, and how he’s juggling his responsibilities, he’s the one who needs someone to run back to when life is kicking him down. Jinyoung’s glad Youngjae could be that person.

His leader chuckled as he laced his hand with his boyfriends. “Love makes you do stupid things and Jackson definitely did a stupid thing because he’s stupid.” Jaebeom laughed at his own joke. What a dork. “He’s in love with you, case closed, someone bang the gavel.”

“I’m going to bang it on your head.” Jinyoung moved so he could fully face his friend. “Until he flat out says he likes me, I won’t believe anything.”

“I like you,” Youngjae said in a deep, raspy voice. Even after years of impersonating Jackson, he still can’t get it right.

“Knock it off.” Jinyoung tried, but the small fit of giggles escaped before his hand reached his mouth. “Besides, how do I know if he even likes me?”

There was a collective groan from his two friends then a punch to the arm by Jaebeom. “We know you’re just delusional.”

Youngjae nodded. “That’s a fact.”

“Whatever crazy thoughts you’re having to make you think Jackson _isn’t_ completely in love with you, needs to stop.” The elder main vocal gave him a stern look, one that made Jinyoung fidget in his seat. He calls it the _Dad Look_ because his eyebrow would slightly rise and he’d have his mouth set in a hard line. His eyes would bore into your soul and make a person feel bad even if they didn’t do anything. It works on all of them, especially the kids, but Mark is the only immune one. Mark is Jinyoung’s hero.

“Hyung,” Youngjae’s voice was soft, almost like he was talking to a scared animal. “Why do you keep doubting him?”

Jinyoung looked away. The sound of raindrops slamming against the van window was the only sound they heard. That was until Jinyoung took a breath and said, “Why wouldn’t he? I’m not that special.” Jaebeom seemed like he was ready to fight him. He opened his mouth but Jinyoung cut him off. “He has thousands of girls screaming his name every day. Everywhere he goes he’s meeting amazing people and forming friendships that lasts forever. People practically throw themselves at him. He has many choices to choose from, why would he choose me?”

Jinyoung felt his stomach knot. A burning in his chest made him curl in on himself. He wants to believe it’s just indigestion, but he knows better. His insecurities are drowning him, filling his lungs with water and making it hard to breathe. He’s had these thoughts for years, but they still hit him like a semi-truck each time. He’s not handsome. He has flaws. No one will ever love him. Jinyoung knows the fans and his members try to keep those thoughts away, but when he’s alone in his room, he can’t help but read the comments and see the posts about him. He throws himself down a stairway of self-doubt but then picks himself up like nothing happened. But it’s not the case this time.

Why would Jackson settle for him? He can’t provide him the happiness or love he deserves when he can barely love himself. He felt his eyes prickle, but he’s determined to not cry, at least not right now. His throat began to tighten, choking him from the inside out, but an arm around his shoulder made him let out a choked sob. Youngjae was at his side, kneeling in the aisle and lifting up the armrest to embrace Jinyoung in a tight hug. The older man wrapped his arms around Youngjae, relishing in the warmth and well-being only he can give.

"Hey," his voice was softer than velvet in Jinyoung's ear, "if I can get over my demons, then so can you." Youngjae cupped the back of his neck and stroked the downy soft hair at his nape. His other hand rubbed soothing circles on his back, releasing some of the strain in the muscles before he spoke up again. "I used to think the same way. I never would've thought in a million years that JB would ever love me back. I would sit in my room and think of little scenarios where I was confident enough in myself to confess, to be a man he'd love." Youngjae's voice was quiet, but Jinyoung could hear the waver in his tone. It made his heartache, more than it did before.

"My insecurities felt like a rock on my chest, weighing me down to a point where I couldn't get up. I'd cry in my sleep because of my nightmares then wake myself up just to cry some more because those nightmares were my reality.” Youngjae pulled away to look at his friend. Jinyoung saw the unshed tears in his eyes and felt a sharp pang in his chest. He didn't know the young singer had doubts of his own. He knew of Youngjae’s nightmares when they shared a dorm, but to know his ambiguity was the cause of it made Jinyoung hug him tighter. “Hyung, I thought the exact same way as you do. He’d never love me. He’d never choose me over the billion other choices. JB wouldn’t settle for someone who can’t even grow a pair to tell him I’ve been in love with him since the day we met. But, _God,_  was I wrong. I was so _wrong_ and so are you.”

He cupped Jinyoung’s face in his palms, remaining eye contact and watching as Youngjae’s eyes softened to a pool of brown. They sparkled so brightly the stars couldn’t even compare, then Jinyoung finally understood why Jaebeom was always looking at him. Youngjae is a literal angel.

“Jackson-hyung is a lot of things, but he’s definitely not _that_ stupid to miss the chance of loving you.”

Well fuck. Looks like the dam broke.

When the first tear slid down his cheek, Youngjae wiped it away. But when the second one appeared, he just brought Jinyoung to the back seat with him. Youngjae maneuvered them so he sat in the middle with the older singer curled at his side. Jinyoung’s head was burrowed deep in the crook of his neck hiding his tear-stained face. A hand was back in his hair, lightly scratching his scalp and ceasing his quiet sobs. His body felt small in Youngjae’s hold despite him being slightly taller. Jinyoung’s knees were leaning on Youngjae’s thighs while an arm snaked its way behind the younger man to grip his side with his other one rubbing his eyes. The younger man’s arm was across Jinyoung’s shoulders, making warmth seep in through his jacket and warming him to the bone.

Youngjae is the best hugger he’s ever had the chance to know. Jaebeom, that lucky bastard, gets to experience this kind of affection every night. Jinyoung thinks it’s unfair he’s keeping Youngjae to himself.

They sat like that, the younger main vocal giving Jinyoung the comfort he needs with no words, just warmth. Before he knew it, Jinyoung’s eyes grew heavy. The sound of the pitter patter of rain outside and the van moving mixed in with how Youngjae was scratching his head was like a lullaby. It pulled him in, embracing him until his sobs stopped and his breathing evened out.

Jinyoung felt a hand wipe away the last tear on his cheek and heard the sound of a camera shutter before he closed his eyes. He had a small smile on his face, he knew Jaebeom wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to capture a picture of his best friend and boyfriend cuddling. The second before sleep took over his body, Jinyoung deduced that these two are more than a security blanket, they’re his own personal safe haven.

* * *

 When BamBam said he wanted to go shopping before their flight, everyone was on board with the idea. Jinyoung was actually looking forward to it, he wanted to buy some clothes and look for a new watch. Maybe throw in a fresh jacket while he’s at it.

When the boys arrived at the shopping center, their manager told them to stay close and not get into any trouble. They laughed at him, finding the way he treats them like children instead of capable adults funny, but the serious look he gave them made them nod their heads in understanding. If Jaebeom is like the dad of the group, then their manager is the grandfather, just as stressed as he is and is always worrying about their wellbeing. It’s cute if you ask Jinyoung.

What’s not cute, however, is that he also told them to stay in groups and the second they entered the mall, the maknaes dragged Mark to the nearest video game store, leaving Jackson with Jinyoung and a smirking couple.

Now for the record, Jinyoung didn’t run away when Jackson walked over to them and told them he lost their friends and asked if he could tag along with them, no he didn’t do that. Jinyoung, instead, squeaked something along the lines of, “I need to use the restroom, I’ll be right back.” And booked it the escalator, almost tripping over his own feet in his haste, leaving a worried Jaebeom with an equally worried Youngjae along with a Jackson who tried to hide his disappointment.

Jinyoung gripped the marble sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror, while he thought of a good excuse as to why he can’t be in a five-foot radius of Jackson. He thought those ten minutes in the cafe restroom were nerve-wracking, but walking around a mall with him until they need to catch their flight? That's terrifying. His internal screaming at the cafe didn't compare to this.

His nerves were on edge the second he decided to take the bandages and tend to his hand. It took a long time for him to hype himself up just to enter the room and a lot of pacing. Jinyoung walked back and forth under the canopy outside the cafe so much he’s pretty sure he made a dent in the sidewalk with his heavy footsteps.

He didn’t want too, every fiber of his body was screaming that if he goes into the restroom and be alone with Jackson, he’ll fuck up, mortify himself again, do anything that’ll just add to his embarrassment. But no, him and his dumbass decided to listen to his heart rather than his brain. So when Youngjae, Jaebeom, and BamBam came back from the convenience store, the same one Jinyoung and Jackson went to last night, he snatched the gauze and medicine from the young rapper’s hand and marched into the restroom.

He was fine for the first ten seconds. Then Jackson exited the stall dressed like a greaser with his muscular arms and thighs threatening to break free of his clothes and suddenly Jinyoung couldn’t think straight. He knew he was staring. Jackson knew he was staring. But hey, he couldn’t really help himself on that one.

When Jinyoung told him to sit on the counter so he could fix up his hand, he saw the hesitation in his eyes. He probably didn’t want to be in there with him as much as the singer did, but when Jackson hopped onto the counter, Jinyoung felt him relax....until he stood in between his thighs. In hindsight, he could have stood on the side of him, but his feet moved before his brain could process what he was doing.

While applying the medicine and wrapping his hand, Jinyoung couldn’t shake the feeling of awkwardness between them. He knew they needed talk, to get things off each other’s chest, but he wasn’t ready for it. The black haired man still burned with embarrassment about this morning, and maybe talking about it would make him feel better, but it wasn’t the right time. Besides, explaining why Jinyoung almost kissed him while in the men’s restroom wasn’t his ideal way of clearing the air.

But this? Oh, this is definitely worse. Jinyoung could barely breathe around Jackson then, how is he supposed to get through a few hours?

The door to the restroom squeaked open, the sound echoing off the tiled walls. Jinyoung whipped his head up to find Youngjae tentatively walking towards him. He sighed in relief at the sight of the young man, immediately calming down his racing heart.

“I know what you’re going to say. I didn’t run away this time.” The taller man straightened up and ran a hand through his hair. He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder then sighed.

“You did kinda run.”

“I was speed walking, Jae. There’s a huge difference.”

Youngjae snorted. “I left them by the fountain, they’d start worrying if we take too long.”

Jinyoung faced his friend. “He didn’t look...hurt, did he?”

The young singer frowned as he brushed his hair behind his ear. He should get a trim soon. “He asked if he did anything wrong. If his presence wasn’t wanted. But JB told him no, something about how you needed to take a dump after eating something in the car.”

“This idiot,” he groaned. “He couldn’t come up with anything else?”

“It was more believable than telling Jackson you don’t want to be near him.”

That shot a pang of hurt through his chest. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be around the rapper, he wants to be with him at every waking second. It’s just that he _can’t_ , at least not right now. Jinyoung doesn’t know if he’ll embarrass himself in front of Jackson again and risk patching up their already crumbling friendship. He can’t risk that.

“I don’t like that look on your face.” Youngjae poked his cheek. “You’re overthinking again.”

“Am not.”

He looked away, not wanting to make eye contact with the younger man in fear of him seeing through his little lie. Jokes on him, however, because Youngjae cupped Jinyoung’s face in his palms with a stern expression. His hands were warm and strong, a pianist’s hands.

“ _Yes,_  you are. You need to snap out of this slump you’re in or else you’ll never get anywhere. Jackson-hyung looked sad when you ran away, he didn’t even look at us until he asked us if he did anything to upset you. He’s blaming himself for what happened, can’t you see that?” Youngjae brushed Jinyoung’s bangs out of his eyes. He stepped back a bit to give the older man some breathing room then spoke up again. “Jackson-hyung feels terrible. He didn’t need to tell us, we already picked up on it after the look he gave you. He’s more angry at himself than you think he is.”

Jinyoung didn’t know how to respond to that. He just stared at the wall behind Youngjae as his gears worked into overdrive. Jackson doesn’t need to be angry, he didn’t do anything wrong, granted neither did Jinyoung, the situation they’re in doesn’t call for blame. But if he really thinks about it, the whole ordeal is both of their faults. Jackson pulled him closer, Jinyoung reacted, now they’re both paying the price. If only the price wasn’t this awkward tension.

The singer could deal with anything else, anything that wasn’t this small rift between them, it’s beginning to be too much. It’s only been half a day of this treatment, of the longing looks, the silent exchange of eyes, the downward pull of his lips whenever they see each other. He misses Jackson. Jinyoung wants the jokes back. He wants the loud laughter they share whenever Jackson does something funny. He wants the innocent hand holding again.

He wants his Seunnie back.

It felt like a wind entered the restroom, a cool breeze that made goosebumps erupt on Jinyoung’s skin. Determination raced through his veins, coursing through his body and making him feel like he could climb a mountain. He knows what he needs to do, to fix the cracks that broke open this morning.

Jinyoung locked eyes with Youngjae. The young singer looked taken aback by the intense gaze shot his way, but soon smiled at him. He nodded, understanding what Jinyoung meant, then made his way over to the door.

“C’mon, if we leave those two alone for too long someone might commit murder.” Youngjae exited the restroom with Jinyoung trailing behind him. They walked in silence until the shorter man asked, “Do you feel nervous?”

Jinyoung didn’t hesitate. “Of course I do.” They rounded a corner and spotted the fountain. The two familiar bodies sitting at the edge were in a deep conversation, fully immersed in the topic at hand. Jackson was using his hands to elaborate while Jaebeom sat and listened, occasionally responding or nodding his head. The singer felt his stomach twist. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

A warm hand slipped into his own, locking their fingers in place. He glanced at Youngjae and squeezed his hand in a silent thank you. The small curl of his lips gave Jinyoung some reassurance. “I’m here, don’t worry.”

In a split second, images of a 17-year-old Youngjae, scared and shy, flashed before the raven-haired man’s eyes. The picture of a timid boy who would break eye contact instantly and cling to Jaebeom when nervous crumbled, revealing the confident and outgoing man before him. After years of taking care of him, Youngjae grew up and is now taking care of Jinyoung.

“When did you become my hyung? It seems like you’re always the one comforting me when it used to be the other way around.” The taller snickered as they neared the fountain. Jackson and Jaebeom still haven’t noticed them.

“Oh, Jinyoung-ah,” he had a cheeky smile on his face at the drop of formalities. He’s lucky he’s cute or else Jinyoung would’ve pushed him into a nearby plant. “I’ve grown up. I’ve always been a hyung to Bam and Yugyeom, but knowing you view me as a role model is-“

“Shut up, Jae.” Jinyoung lightly shoved him, earning himself a hardy laugh.

Youngjae gripped his hand a bit tighter, leaning his head on his shoulder as his other hand clutched his arm. They walked up to the conversing pair like that, hand in hand with smiles on their faces. Jaebeom caught sight of them and stopped talking to look at his boyfriend and best friend. His eyes were soft, a small smile graced his lips, one full of adoration for the two boys.

Jinyoung tried not too, but his gaze shifted over to Jackson than his breath caught in his throat. He looked...exactly like Jaebeom. The only difference between their gazes was that his eyes never left Jinyoung. His features were relaxed, like some of the tension they had when he first walked up their group left him. He also had a small smile, one directed right at the raven haired man.

He felt his cheeks heat up more as they neared the older boys. The conversation came to a stop the moment they were in hearing distance, making Jinyoung feel a little more on edge.

“Hey,” Jaebeom eyed their joined hands but didn’t question, “everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Hyung just needed...” Youngjae glanced at his lightly flushed face, “time to himself.”

“I told you not to eat that seaweed snack.” Jaebeom crossed his arms and shot him a stern look. Seems like the _Dad Look_ is his favorite expression of the day.

“I was hungry,” Jinyoung went along smoothly with the little lie. “Besides, I tell you not to do a lot of things, but you still don’t listen to me.”

“I’m older than you, I don’t have to listen to a word you say.” And just because he can, his leader ruffled his hair, messing up his bangs and earning himself a glare.

The scoff of laughter hidden behind a well-disguised cough caught all of their attention. Jackson was stifling his giggles but his shoulders still shook with the effort.

“Why are you laughing? You practically listen to every word he says.” Jaebeom brought Jackson into a headlock, enjoying how he struggled to get loose and watching how his cheeks turned a light pink.

Jinyoung enjoyed it too.

“Only because he threatens to burn all my hats if I don’t.”

“That was one time.” Jinyoung couldn’t help the giggle escape his lips as he witnessed Jaebeom tighten his hold on the rapper, making his limbs flare out in a frenzy.

Jackson finally broke out then lightly pushed Jaebeom’s chest with a chuckle. He faced Jinyoung with a dopey grin. The younger man ignored how his heart leaped at the flash of white teeth and crescent shaped eyes. “But it still haunts me every night.”

He felt the knot in his stomach slacken. The gloomy tension began to lift, revealing a vibrant afterglow that shined on them, only them. Jinyoung felt lighter and he could tell Jackson felt it too.

“C’mon, I wanna go look around!” Youngjae released the elder's hand and practically skipped to Jaebeom’s side. “I promised I’d help you find a new toy for Kunta.” The young singer latched onto his boyfriend's arm and pulled him along with matching smiles on their faces.

Jinyoung glanced over to Jackson and noticed the longing look he had as he watched his friends. His eyebrows were furrowed as his lips pulled downward, it was a subtle look that could go unnoticed if not paid attention too. Too bad Jackson is the only thing Jinyoung ever pays attention too.

Suddenly, his feet moved of his own accord.

 _What the hell are you doing?_ His brain screamed.

“Hey,” Jinyoung lightly bumped their shoulders together, making Jackson look at him with wide eyes. “We should go catch them before Jaebeom gets lost.”

 _Stop this before you embarrass yourself._ His brain said.

Jackson gazed at him with a puzzled expression. He seemed like he didn’t know what to do, like he didn’t know how to react around the younger man, but then his face broke out into a small grin. Jinyoung’s heart flipped, but he won’t think much into it.

“Don’t worry, all we need to do is announce there’s a stray cat near the exit and he’d come running.” Jackson’s grin turned into a full smile at the sight of Jinyoung giggling. He still won’t think too much into it.

 _You’re setting yourself up for failure._ His brain warned.

“C’mon,” Jinyoung nodded ahead of them, reaching out to tug on the rapper’s shirt, ignoring the sharp intake of breath from the elder, and started walking. “Just follow the sound of Youngjae and it’ll lead us to them.”

He took a couple of steps ahead, leaving Jackson to gawk at his back, but he soon appeared at Jinyoung’s side. They shared a look, one full of soft eyes, then continued to stroll along the mall, looking at the advertisements and listening to the bustle of people around them. Jinyoung couldn’t help but notice that every few seconds, Jackson would shoot him small glances, so he grew curious.

“What?” He asked as they spotted their main vocal duo by an ice cream shop. “You keep looking at me.”

Jackson’s face flushed red at being caught, but he quickly recovered. His blush was still bright, but his smile was even brighter. “I’m just really happy right now.”

 _Stop before this gets out of hand._ His brain demanded.

Jinyoung’s chest did a weird twisty thing that he’s blaming on acid reflux, but he will admit he liked the warm feeling that enveloped him. “You’re always happy.”

“Yeah, but right now,” Jackson’s eyes shined and Jinyoung swore he saw the galaxy in them, “I’m happy with you next to me.”

This time Jinyoung didn’t pretend how his heart leaped, how his stomach exploded in butterflies, or how he felt a light blush creep up his cheeks. He didn’t ignore any of that because in that instant he knew Jackson hasn’t been ignoring how his body did the same.

A smile graced his lips, one that made his eyes crinkle with shyness, but also made Jackson grin along with him. “You’re such a dork. C’mon, I want some ice cream.”

He reached out his hand and flashbacks to last night in their hotel room before going to the convenience store appeared in his mind. Jackson looked at the limb with hesitation, making Jinyoung’s smile waver and him retracting his open palm, before grabbing it. Electricity ran through his veins when their skin touched, the feeling of Jackson’s hand in his own felt familiar, it felt right.

 _This will only end badly for both of you._ His brain reasoned.

 _Shut the hell up._ His heart countered.

* * *

 Is Jinyoung internally screaming? Yes. Is he trying not to combust while Jackson gently strokes his knuckles with his thumb? Yes, yes he is. Is he trying to keep his cool because he knows one slip of his tongue or misstep will cause both of them to retract their joined hands and never speak again? Yes, he’s very aware.

Does Jinyoung regret reaching out? No, most definitely not.

The feeling of Jackson’s palm in his heightened his senses, making everything vibrant. The soothing way he ran his thumb over Jinyoung's knuckles shouldn't make him feel hot under the collar, but the relaxing gesture was doing wonders to him. The way Jackson squeezed his hand like he needed to make sure this was real, sent a sharp ache through the younger man's chest. Just being this close to him was making Jinyoung's head clouded, filling it with cotton, causing the raven-haired man to lose focus.

It seems like every little thing Jackson does makes a huge impact on the singer. When he pulled Jinyoung closer so he wouldn't bump into pushy people made his stomach flip. As he talked about how BamBam and Mark got into a heated conversation about yogurt in the car ride, his face would light up in enjoyment, making Jinyoung keep his gaze trained on his sparkling eyes. When they finally made it to the ice cream shop, he released Jinyoung's hand to open the door then instantly grab it again once inside. He tried to ignore it, but that small action made the younger’s heart thump.

They found Jaebeom and Youngjae at the counter, the younger singer was still latched onto his leader, grinning wildly as he ordered for the both of them. To anyone else, it looks like an older friend treating his junior, but Jinyoung knew Jaebeom just wants to spoil him in as much PDA as they can get away with, making him smile. The way Jaebeom knew his favorite ice cream without having to ask his boyfriend also made Youngjae smile.

“Do you want your regular?”

Jinyoung snapped his head to the side so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. “What was that?”

Jackson’s eyes were still scanning the menu board but he somehow still gave all his attention to the taller man. “I asked if you want your regular ice cream.”

“What’s my regular ice cream?”

“A vanilla cone,” he finally looked at Jinyoung, making the younger suddenly feel shy, “you’ve only been eating it for the past few years. Seems like that’s the only flavor you know.”

Jinyoung couldn’t help the small grin appear on his lips. He likes this comfortable feeling, it’s like paradise after the day they’ve had. Seems like Jackson liked it too. He lightly shoved his shoulder, his grin was still there. “I like other flavors, I’m not that basic.” He pointed to a pink ice-pop on the menu. “I want that one.”

Jackson chuckled, Jinyoung really likes his chuckle. After the couple received their treats (Youngjae was literally glowing with happiness, Jaebeom was equally happy just by looking at him) the pair stepped up to the counter and Jackson ordered. He released Jinyoung’s hand to grab his wallet from his back pocket (he tried with his injured hand because he didn’t want to let go, but gave up when he couldn’t grasp it). Jinyoung didn’t mind this time, his palm began to sweat and he knows Jackson doesn’t like clammy hand holding, he claims it feels weird and the young singer agrees.

They soon got their ice creams and exited the shop to meet Jaebeom and Youngjae. As they wandered around the mall, the rapper was happily eating his mint chocolate chip cone, humming in content. The light green color and dark brown chips didn’t sit too well with the other man.

“I can’t believe you’re eating that, it tastes like toothpaste,” said Jinyoung as he gingerly licked his own treat. He didn’t miss Jackson’s intense gaze.

“You just don’t have good taste,” he pointed to the pink ice pop, “You said you’re not basic, but you chose one of the most boring ice creams.”

“How dare you say Melona is boring. I’m sorry your taste buds aren’t functioning correctly, no person in their right mind would choose mint chip.”

Their bickering is back. Jinyoung really missed it.

“If you two keep arguing then I’m shoving my cone up both your noses.” Jaebeom shot them a warning glance, but his eyes were playful.

“That’s a waste of perfectly good ice cream, hyung,” said Jackson. He continued to eat his cold treat like nothing bothered him. Jinyoung is starting to question why he loves this guy.

The four idols walked around the mall, occasionally looking at store displays and commenting on brands they found. At one point Youngjae saw a Supreme display and made a beeline to the window, he pressed his forehead to the glass like a child would with a happy squeal. He’s too cute for his own good.

“Look at that blanket! I don’t have that one at home, how much is it? I hope it’s not too expensive.”

Jinyoung walked up next to him with a giggle escaping his lips. “Jae, you could buy this whole store if you wanted too.”

Youngjae stared at him with a blank expression, the gears in his head seemed to slow down. “Oh, you’re right.”

Jinyoung snorted at the younger man. Yeah, this guy is way too cute. He threw his free arm around Youngjae’s shoulder and brought their heads together. They both laughed, Jinyoung’s chuckle coming out mild and reserved while Youngjae’s hardy bellow echoed through the mall. Their laughter died down as the shorter man kept looking at the merchandise. His eyes scanned the goodies until it landed on Jinyoung’s forgotten ice cream.

“Hyung, your ice pop is melting.” Youngjae glanced at his own to make sure it was still alive.

He looked at the treat and, sure enough, drops of pink trailed down the sides, threatening to drip onto his hand. Jinyoung quickly brought the pop to his mouth and licked the drops before swallowing the whole thing. The cold dessert hit his throat and the top of his teeth, making Jinyoung shiver. He got to the wooden stick, enclosing his lips over the end of the ice pop then pulled off slowly, licking his lips of any leftover ice cream.

There was a quick _thwack!_ and a high pitched yell of surprise. The two boys at the window turned to see Jackson rubbing the back of his head as he subtly glared at Jaebeom who looked as innocent as a saint.

“There was a bug.” He shrugged then grabbed Youngjae’s arm, pulling him inside the store. “Let’s go inside, maybe they have matching sheets for the blanket.”

The couple entered the store and left Jinyoung outside with Jackson who wouldn’t even make eye contact with him. A pink tint dusted across his cheeks when Jinyoung walked back to him, his head was ducked low like he was trying to hide it.

“What?” He asked.

“N-nothing.” Jackson’s voice was higher, coming out in a squeak. He glanced at the man in front of him then to his still melting ice pop. “I’ll go get napkins!”

Jinyoung’s stomach twisted painfully, he couldn’t even get out a rushed protest before the rapper was briskly walking back to the food court. He stood there, outside the store with a melting ice pop and confusion bubbling in his chest. He backtracked to what he could’ve done that scared him off, but nothing popped up. The hand holding was mutual, the banter was normal, even the little insults thrown at each other were equally as jabbing. No matter how much Jinyoung tried to think of a reason why Jackson would become so flustered came up as a mystery to him.

That was before his phone buzzed in his pocket. Jinyoung fished out the device and read the text message from Jaebeom, feeling ice run up his veins.

 **Jaebeom:** _next time you deep throat an ice pop, make sure Jackson isn’t around. the guy almost jizzed his pants_

Jinyoung metaphorically and physically slapped himself. The loud smack of his palm against his forehead seemed to echo. How could he be so clueless? Jackson gave him subtle heated looks every time he licked his ice cream, ones that resembled the gaze he held this morning. Jinyoung didn’t think much into it, he didn’t even know why he chose to ignore it. Maybe he was subconsciously aware of how every flick of his tongue or lick of his ice pop made Jackson squirm, maybe he wanted to see how far he could push again before the other man broke.

Fuck, he’s so stupid.

Jinyoung keeps doing these actions to cause any sort of _reaction_ out of Jackson, to see if he’s paying as much attention to Jinyoung as he does to him. First, the kiss on Jaebeom’s cheek resulted in a broken cup and Jackson’s injured hand, now Jinyoung and his idiotic tendency to stuff a whole ice pop in his mouth making it look like something less than innocent, caused Jackson to run off because he was flustered. If he keeps this up, then things might not really go back to how they were.

He heard footsteps coming his way then glanced up to see the brunette running back to him. His mint chocolate chip treat was gone. As he neared, Jinyoung could see his cheeks have gone back to a normal color...and a juice bottle in his hand?

He reached in his back pocket and pulled out a few napkins. He handed them to Jinyoung, who took them wordlessly, then nodded towards a nearby bench. “Let’s go sit.”

The pair sat down on the bench with a good few feet separating them. Jinyoung didn’t look at him, opting to focus on the mall floor as he quickly finished his dessert. His leg was bouncing again.

Jackson cleared his throat before speaking. “Here.” He nudged Jinyoung’s arm with the drink, making him gaze at it with an even more puzzled expression. He didn’t take it right away so Jackson insisted, nudging him again until Jinyoung took the bottle. It was strawberry flavored. He looked at the elder, mouth open to ask why, but he was cut off. “I promised I’d buy you another one, didn’t I?”

That struck a chord in Jinyoung, pulling at his heartstrings until his chest hurt. Flashbacks of Jackson saying he’d buy him another juice after Youngjae took his first one zoomed by. Memories of merely two hours later when Jinyoung crawled into his bed to share warmth appeared before his eyes, making his aching chest throb. Remembrance of their morning stabbed the younger’s nerves, hitting each vital point until his whole body was burning in embarrassment. His skin was scorching under his jacket, making him feel uncomfortable and his palms sweaty. His leg was bouncing faster now.

Jinyoung knew where this was going, they were finally alone so it was inevitable they have their talk. He’s been pushing this conversation around in the back of his mind for hours, trying to come up with a good way to even bring it up let alone apologize for it. He’s tired of dancing around Jackson. The last half hour was nice, he relished in the way they seemed to go back to their old antics, but something was still hanging over both their heads. It didn’t fully feel like things were back to normal, the awkwardness subsided, thankfully, but the tension still lingered between them. The air was thick with unsaid words, urges to act upon, and feelings to be shared.

Jinyoung’s heart thumped rapidly in his chest, threatening to break free and run away from this situation. But he’s tired of running, he’s going to fix things now.

He fully faced the older man and spoke up. “Jackson, I-“

“Jinyoung, I’m sorry about this morning.”

He finally looked at the Korean man with serious eyes. His mouth was in a thin line, twitching at the corners with tension. Jinyoung had to resist the desire to run his thumb over his lips to ease the strain, to make any sort of nervousness disappear from his body. He didn’t even spend enough time mulling over the thought before Jackson continued.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything. It wasn’t my place to act like that, it was weird and I promise it’ll never happen again.” He looked into Jinyoung’s eyes and the younger’s breath got caught in his throat. “I’m sorry for what happened and for what continued to happen after. I shouldn’t have touched you like that or pulled you closer, it was on impulse. I just-“

“You don’t need to explain it.” Jinyoung cut him off. Jackson was talking fast, making his apology rushed and out of breath, but he got his point across. The singer felt his features soften at the anxious man beside him, Jackson was fidgeting in his seat, shifting every so often and picking at the end of his shirt. He’d rub at the gauze on his hand then break eye contact only to return it a few seconds later. His nervousness matched Jinyoung’s own.

“It was a...weird morning, but you don’t need to explain anything to me. I understand everything, it was a spare the moment type of thing between us.” That hurt his already painful chest.

Jackson nodded, maybe a little too enthusiastically. “It was like a game of chicken, we always play to an extent but this time it seemed like we both wanted to win.” Jackson forced a smile then nonchalantly smacked him lightly on the shoulder. “It didn’t mean anything, right? Just a game between friends.”

Jinyoung’s eyes scanned his face, looking for something he knows isn’t there. He didn’t want to call it a game when he wants the real thing, but he can’t let Jackson know that. His chest still ached. It’s like time stopped and they’re the only ones not affected. The people around them slowed down, any sort of noise was muffled, making the pair focus on each other. Jinyoung held his breath, afraid if he moves he’ll ruin the moment they’re having.

He blinked then shook his head, clearing his mind of any unwanted thoughts. He peered at Jackson again, this time with his own forced smile. “Yeah, of course.” Jinyoung pretended like the air wasn’t knocked out of his lungs. “It always ends a little weirdly for us.”

“Exactly! It was a game and nothing else. Besides, we can’t control our morning wood, right?”

Jinyoung nodded. He knew if he were to speak then his voice would break. He opened his juice and took a huge swig, the strawberry flavor exploding in his mouth and going down, leaving a sweet aftertaste. The taste of strawberry was soon replaced with something bitter after his next choice of words.

“Right, it meant nothing.”

He said it with no venom, no malice like how he wanted too. He can’t feel angry at him, it’s only the truth, it meant nothing to him, a piece of time shared together was seen only as a  trivial game. Nothing more than that. A light finally shined on Jackson’s true feelings. Jinyoung’s leg continued to bounce.

“So,” the rapper scooted closer to him, making their knees brush, “are we good?”

Jinyoung wanted to say no. He wanted to grab Jackson’s face and tell him that, no, they aren’t good. They’ve finished their dance around each other and now stopped their very awkward tango, but Jinyoung is still dancing to his own music with the elder. He’s dipping and twirling around his emotions when he wants to have a big finish of revealing his feelings, but knows he can’t or else he’ll mess up the movements entirely. Now instead of the tango, Jinyoung is doing the chicken dance.

Jackson bumped their shoulders with a hopeful expression on his face. His big doe eyes shined, crumbling any built up anger bubbling in his stomach. He looked like a puppy waiting patiently for his treat.

Jinyoung ruffled his hair with a small grin, pushing any and all thoughts of his one-sided love to the back of his brain. He’ll deal with those later, right now he has his Seunnie back and that’s all that matters, no matter how much his heart hurt.

“Yeah, we’re good.”

The happy laugh Jackson emitted was music to Jinyoung’s ears. The first second he was sitting soundly on the bench, then the next he was being enveloped in a huge bear hug by the Chinese man. He wrapped his arms around the young singer’s shoulders and held on tight, maybe a little too tight but Jinyoung didn’t care. He circled his own arms around Jackson’s waist and hugged him back equally as tight. His warmth embraced him, making the black haired man feel fuzzy inside. He buried his face in Jackson’s neck and took in his cologne, basking in the feeling of being in his arms again, making Jinyoung sigh in contentment.

Jackson was the first one to pull back. The younger man was hoping they could hold each other for a little longer, but when he saw the smile on Jackson’s face, he didn’t mind letting go a bit early.

“You have no idea how hard to was not talking to you.” He sighed in relief, inching himself even closer so his arm draped behind the bench. “I think Mark was getting annoyed with all my complaining.”

Jinyoung instantly melted into his side like second nature, like nothing changed between them. Which, sadly, didn’t happen. He snorted before poking the elder’s side. “Did you miss me that much?”

“Yes, yes, a million times yes.” Jackson’s hand found his way into Jinyoung’s hair, lightly scratching his scalp and trailing downwards to stroke at his nape. It sent a shiver down the younger’s spine, but thankfully the Chinese man didn’t notice, he just continued talking like his ministrations didn’t cause a fire to spark in Jinyoung’s belly. “It was weird, you know? I wanted to text you, send a funny picture of Yugyeom, literally anything, but then I stopped because I remembered you were mad at me.”

That earned him a slap to the chest. “I wasn’t mad at you, idiot!” Jinyoung fumed. His brows pinched together and a pout formed on his lips.

“Well you were avoiding me, how could I not think you’re mad?” Jackson tugged on his hair lightly. Jinyoung felt a rush run through his veins. “It wasn’t exactly easy to go up to you and ask what’s wrong. You kept running away.”

“I didn’t run away.” The pout was back along with a twinge of hurt. When Jackson gave him a look that literally said _you did run and you know it._ He pushed his head away. He didn’t want to look at his stupid face. “I wasn’t in the mood to talk about it till now.”

“Okay, whatever you say.”

They sat in comfortable silence, listening to the crowd of people around them and waiting for their friends. They didn’t move from their spot huddled against each other until Jackson squirmed to dig something out of his pocket. Jinyoung noticed it was a small tube with a peach on the side.

“You still have that?” He asked as he watched Jackson apply the lip balm. He tried not to lose focus when his lips pursed and glistened under the fluorescent lights, making them look very inviting.

“Course I do, you dragged me to the store to buy them, why wouldn’t I still have them?” He smacked his lips together and it turns out Jinyoung already lost focus. “The other one is in my bag, but this is my favorite.”

“Excuse me, but I bought them.”

“You say tomato, I say tomato. Same thing.”

They laughed and it was nice, it felt right. They easily stepped back into their old routine and Jinyoung couldn’t be happier, it was lonely without having Jackson to butt-heads with, even if it was for a few hours. Granted they’ve gone days without speaking to each other whenever they’d have a disagreement, but this time it was worse. It caused the singer to feel empty, like a piece of him was missing and only Jackson could take its spot. But now that things are back to normal, he was whole again. However, there was still something that bothered him. He shifted so he was leaning more into his side then placed his head near the rapper’s, nuzzling his hair.

“You know,” he began, “I didn’t feel uncomfortable, just caught off guard. I was a little embarrassed, but that was just that, embarrassment.” He glanced at the elder, gauging his reaction, before finally saying, “I didn’t mind you touching me like that.”

Jackson slowly turned his head so his forehead was against the younger’s temple. His breath fanned across Jinyoung’s cheek. “Really? I didn’t go too far?”

His next set of movements wasn’t thought through well enough, but he wouldn’t think twice if he had the chance to do it again. Jinyoung turned his head so their foreheads were pressed together and eyes perfectly aligned. Their breaths mixed together in hot puffs, the younger could smell the peach scent from his lip balm and it made his head go fuzzy.

“As long as it’s you, I don’t mind at all.” His voice was low, meant for only Jackson to hear. It came out as a whisper, ghosting over the elder’s face and making his Adam’s apple bob.

Someone clearing their throat broke the moment they were having, causing Jackson to lean and peer over Jinyoung’s shoulder. He also turned only to find Jaebeom and Youngjae standing with shopping bags in their hands. Youngjae had a knowing smirk on his face while Jaebeom tried not to show it, but his smile was giving away how glad he was to see his friends have patched things up.

“If you two are done here, we’re going to get lunch, if you’d care to join us. We don’t want to ruin the atmosphere.” Youngjae is definitely getting pushed into a plant.

Jinyoung mumbled, “Too late,” when Jackson whooped in agreement, masking his harsh tone. The elder jumped up, taking his body heat with him, but then reached his hand out to help Jinyoung stand. He took the open palm and heaved a sigh as he stood. He faced the friends who helped him through his little crisis but also ruined one of the best moments he’s had with Jackson. He gave them a smile full of teeth and eye crinkles and a promise of them having a talk later. He saw Youngjae visibly pale.

“What do you want to eat?”

The four wondered back to the food court in a small huddle. Jaebeom was showing Jinyoung the new cat toy he found in the store, a red pole that hung a fluffy ball at the end with the word Supreme running up and down the sides.

“I picked it out,” Youngjae said proudly, making his leader beam.

The two younger singers snagged a table while the other pair went to order food. Jinyoung wasn’t feeling as picky today so he told Jackson to order him anything, making the rapper grin. He always grins for odd reasons. Once they were alone, Youngjae smacked his friend on the arm and demanded to be told every detail of their conversation. His eyes burnt holes in the elder's chest so Jinyoung complied with little resistance.

He told him everything, from his worry of doing something embarrassing (which he did in a sense) to their long-awaited talk on the bench. The black haired man explained how his heartbeat to a sad drum at the agreement of their morning being a dumb game that none of them were aware of. Throughout his sob story, Youngjae placed his hand on top of Jinyoung’s, stroking the back of his hand in relaxing circles. He finally finished his tale with how he told Jackson he doesn’t mind being touched so intimately only if he was the one doing it.

The low wolf whistle the younger let out made Jinyoung’s cheeks red. “You’re basically giving him permission to touch you however he wants. You know that, right?”

“Yes, I’m very aware,” he puffed out. He wouldn’t have told Jackson he low key liked it if he didn’t. “But he won’t try anything, he doesn’t like me. He made that known.”

“Hyung,” Youngjae groaned, “you’re really dense.”

He blocked the swift hand aimed to tickle his stomach, making Jinyoung scoff in annoyance.

“I said it once and I’ll keep saying it until he tells me he likes or _loves me,_  I won’t believe anything.” Jinyoung crossed his arms but soon uncrossed them to push away Youngjae’s hand that was about to poke his puffed up cheeks.

“Okay, let me rephrase that.” The younger cleared his throat then looked Jinyoung dead in the eye. “Both of you are as dense as Jaebeom.”

A mock gasp escaped his lips. The older singer clutched his shirt above his heart in exaggeration. “That is the _worst_ insult you’ve ever given me. Take that back right now or you’re grounded.”

Youngjae stuck his tongue out at him before the pair shared a laugh, their smiles were on full display when the older boys came back.

“What’s so funny?” Asked Jackson as he placed a takeout tray in front of Jinyoung.

“Nothing,” both boys said in unison, making their leader and rapper share a curious look. The boys shared their own look before letting out a few more giggles.

Lunch went by smoothly with no interruptions. Jackson bought Jinyoung a plate of fried rice and beef (how he knew the younger man wanted beef is a mystery), while he ate a bowl of noodles. Every so often he’d glance at the pile of rice on his chopsticks, not saying it verbally, but asking for a bite with his big eyes. Jinyoung would, obviously, never say no to him so he’d feed the Chinese man, earning himself smirks from the couple across from them.

They made conversation, talking about their next plan for an upcoming show in a few months and trivial things like the weather. Jackson soon brought up the fact that Yugyeom has been sneaking sweets in before bed again and made the three of them promise not to rat him out. Both Jinyoung and Jaebeom vowed to scold their beloved youngest brother for it later.

Everything was calm, the conversation, the atmosphere, it all felt tranquil. Jinyoung took a deep breath, basking in the cool air around him. He loved the feeling of bliss knowing he finally patched things up with his friend, opting to worry about his feelings later. They were talking again, cracking jokes, just being around each other. He felt at ease with Jackson.

That was until he placed his hand on Jinyoung’s thigh.

He’s blaming Yugyeom for it, ultimately. If Yugyeom didn’t send a picture of himself in a new yellow jacket he bought and if Jaebeom didn’t make a comment of him looking like a minion then Jackson wouldn’t have laughed so hard. If he didn’t laugh so hard then he wouldn’t have had to clutch onto Jinyoung’s upper thigh, squeezing the flesh with every high pitched cackle he made.

The singer’s heart crawled into his throat at the contact, making him let out a choked gasp. He quickly hid it behind feigned laughter when Youngjae gave him a weird look. Jackson’s hot palm was heavy on his thigh, causing a fire to erupt where he touched. Jinyoung tried to ignore it, but it just sat there, unbothered and unmoving. It’s not that he didn’t mind it, he liked it, more than he let on, he just didn’t know how to react. He’s used to a hand on his waist, a hip, a knee, even his ass, but Jackson’s hand on his thigh was a _little_ too high. All he needed to do was shift upwards a few inches and his palm would be in a place Jinyoung _definitely_ doesn't mind.

“Hyung, what do you think?”

Jinyoung blinked, switching his focus from the limb that was absentmindedly stroking his leg to his younger friend. “Sorry, what was that?”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes and shot Jinyoung a knowing look (he might’ve glanced under the table to make sure Jackson wasn’t getting too touchy. A best friend has his worries). “Jae asked if it was okay if we split up for a while then meet back at the fountain in two hours.”

Jinyoung didn’t trust his voice so he took a bite of beef before nodding. He didn’t mind being alone with Jackson, he actually wanted some time just for themselves. As Jaebeom gave them the rundown of what not to do like the doting leader he is, Jackson slouched in his seat with a groan, making his hand go farther in between the younger’s legs. His fingers gripped the bottom of Jinyoung’s limb, his thumb drew random shapes on his inner thigh, making Jinyoung’s heart to leap into his throat.

“Jaebeom,” Jackson began but soon backtracked at the glare his leader sent him. He cleared his throat, “Hyung, we’ll be fine. It’s not like we’re going to get lost, this place isn’t even that big.”

“I’m not worried about you two getting lost, I’m worried that Jinyoung might lose _you_.”

Jinyoung had to stifle a laugh. They’ve lost Jackson once and it’s bound to happen again. “Maybe I should get a leash for you.”

“Kinky.” The way Jackson’s eyes darkened sent a thrill down the younger’s spine. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that because the smirk Youngjae shot him made his blush deepen.

The four finished their lunch then departed from the food court, promising to find each other at the fountain they started at. Before walking in different directions, the younger main vocal told Jinyoung that if anything happens to text him and he’ll come running either to comfort or, if anything happened between him and Jackson, to spill all the juicy details.

Jinyoung appreciated the offer and swore to tell him everything. He ruffled Youngjae’s hair once more because he can’t help but love the way he scrunched his nose in annoyance, then went back to Jackson’s side.

“You baby him a lot,” he said once they turned their backs and started walking south.

“No I don’t, not compared to Jaebeom.”

Jackson chuckled then nodded in agreement. “You’re right, hyung has a major soft spot for him. It’s like he’s in love with him or something.”

Jinyoung grinned then ruffled his hair as well. “You have no idea.”


	8. Take My Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the third part of this chapter is full of crackheadery to make up for the angst in the past chapters, enjoy heathens <3

Well, good news: Jinyoung didn’t lose him. The bad news? Jinyoung fell more in love with him.

They spent the first hour of their free time wandering around the mall, trying to look for something to do. It wasn’t until they stumbled across a store that was selling the best looking hoodies Jinyoung has ever seen for them to finally decide on shopping. He dragged Jackson by the scruff of his shirt into the store and dived into the nearest clothes rack. The singer spent a good majority of the time choosing between a black hoodie or a blue one before deciding to buy both. Even Jackson bought a new jacket, a leather one that complimented his greaser look and made Jinyoung’s throat run dry.

They then continued to stroll through the crowds, making conversation about anything and everything. When Jackson was in a good mood, he could talk for hours, days at most. There was never a moment between them that he wasn’t commenting on a store display or asking Jinyoung what he wanted to do. There also wasn’t a moment when he wasn’t touching the younger. It was either a hand on his waist, an arm across his shoulder, or their fingers laced together. Jackson couldn’t keep his hands to himself, but it’s not like Jinyoung’s complaining.

Dread came over the singer like a tidal wave, drowning him as they made it back to the fountain. With every passing second, he grew sadder at the thought of not seeing Jackson for a few weeks. Of course, they’d still talk through text messages, but knowing they’d be apart shot Jinyoung through the chest. He knows he’s being delusional, they’ve been apart for longer than that, but his heart ached just being in different cars. Within the past few days, he’s grown so accustomed to having Jackson at his side that it feels unnatural to be separated. The hours they weren’t talking to each other was the hardest time Jinyoung has ever had. He doesn’t want to relive it.

“Stop thinking,” said the rapper. He hip bumped the young singer, making him let loose a small grin. “Whatever’s bothering you can wait till you get home.”

“How do you know something’s bothering me?”

“You pinch eyebrows together and you pout when something’s on your mind.” Jackson glanced at him as they walked back to the fountain. Their time alone is up. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“It’s nothing.” Jinyoung wasn’t looking at him. He’d rather look anywhere that isn’t the man giving him a worried expression.

“Jinyoungie,” Jackson drawled, making his name sound like a whine.

“Seunnie.” His tone was firm when he finally made eye contact with the elder. “I’m fine. There’s nothing you need to worry about.”

He knew he didn’t mean it. He knew Jackson wasn’t buying it. Heck, even the baby that passed by in a stroller gave him a disapproving stare down. Jinyoung’s acting like a child, he doesn’t want to leave Jackson’s side even if it’s for a short amount of time. He hasn’t had separation issues this bad since he was a toddler.

Suddenly he was being pulled and lead towards a store by an excited Jackson. He briefly glanced up to see the sign of a jewelry shop before he was roughly pushed through a set of double doors. The Chinese man held his hand tight as they navigated through the store until they stopped at a display case full of diamond-encrusted necklaces.

Jinyoung snorted. “Don’t you have enough diamonds?”

“I can never have enough. Diamonds are a mans best friend.” He winked at the younger man, making him roll his eyes.

“Its dogs, but whatever.”

Jinyoung released his hand to wander around, glancing at glass cases filled to the brim with jewelry. He found a pair of earrings that would look good on Jaebeom but decided against buying them. He’ll tell Youngjae to go shopping for the same pair around their anniversary.

Jinyoung kept his mindless walking, hoping to find something suitable for him. He doesn’t want anything fancy or outrageous, just a simple watch or ring would suffice. He was just about to give up when he spotted a case with a silver bracelet and necklace of the same cut. They were beautiful, the small diamonds shined brightly underneath the fluorescent lights, making the chain links dazzle.

“Would you like to try it on?”

A woman appeared before him with a helpful smile. He nodded at her and she unlocked the case, delicately bringing the bracelet. Jinyoung held out his hand for her to snap the clasp in place. It looked good on his slim wrist. It complimented his skin tone nicely and didn’t stand out like some of the others. He wanted it. Jinyoung asked the women for the price and nodded in agreement when she asked if he was buying it.

The saleswoman took back the bracelet and placed it in a black box. While Jinyoung was grabbing his wallet he noticed she was also taking out the necklace.

“Oh, I’m just buying the bracelet.”

“I’m sorry, it comes in a set. If you want the bracelet you’ll have to buy the necklace also.”

He looked at the necklace again. It was nice, it went well with the bracelet but it wouldn’t look good on himself. Jinyoung knew he wouldn’t wear it, it would just sit in his room collecting dust. He really wants the bracelet but he won’t put the necklace to good use. With a frown on his face, he was going to decline his purchase when Jackson popped up on his right.

“Found anything you like?” He eyed the bracelet then eyed Jinyoung. “Are you buying this?”

“No, it comes in a set and I don’t want the additional necklace.”

Jackson nodded then faced the saleswoman. “I’ll buy it.” He took out his wallet and pulled a black card from its folds. Within seconds two boxes were in a small shopping bag and the cash register showed a lot of zeros.

Jinyoung tried not to show his disappointment as they walked out of the store. He really wanted that bracelet, but if Jackson was going to put it to good use then it’s better in his hands. Thankfully the small frown went unnoticed as they made their way over to the fountain where their friends were waiting. His somber mood was soon filled with sunshine as Youngjae bounded up to them to show his spoils. The smile on the young singer’s face as he showed the pair his new shoes (that Jaebeom bought) made Jinyoung smile along with him.

The four of them spotted Mark and the kids while conversing by the fountain. The kids wouldn’t shut up about the new video games they bought and Jackson couldn’t contain his laughter at the bright yellow jacket Yugyeom was wearing. He really did look like a minion.  

The group of idols was soon found by their manager who had his own share of bags in his arms. He rounded them up and ushered the seven of them out the exit and towards the parking lot. Jinyoung was strolling along in the back, a fond smile on his face as he watched Jaebeom and Mark argue over what to have for dinner at the airport while the three youngest talked about what they bought.

Jinyoung kept walking, making his way over to the van where Jaebeom and Youngjae stood when a soft grip on his arm stopped him. The singer looked at the limb around his bicep then to its owner. Jackson seemed to be on edge, his eyes kept shifting ahead of him and his mouth was open, making him gap like a fish.

Jinyoung placed a free hand on the elders own and cleared his throat. “What’s up?”

Jackson gawked one last time before he shook his head. He dropped the hand on Jinyoung’s arm and stood with a new found confidence. He reached into the bag from the jewelry store and pulled out one of the boxes. It was the smaller one.

Before Jinyoung could ask what he’s doing, Jackson presented the box to him. He gingerly held out the box until the black-haired man took it from his shaky grasp. He knew what it was, but he opened it anyway. The diamonds sparkled in the sunlight making the silver chain links look like stars. He stared at Jackson, waiting for an answer and when he did, Jinyoung’s heart soared.

“I didn’t actually buy it for me. I was thinking that, um,” he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, looking away from the man in front of him, “we could match? You know, you keep the bracelet and I have the necklace. I mean if you want too, that is. If you don’t then I could-“

“Thank you, Jackson.” Jinyoung felt his features soften at his nervous demeanor. It was cute how he fidgeted in place, picking at his shirt and avoiding eye contact. He looked cute. Like, really cute.

“You’ll keep it? Are you sure?”

Jinyoung gave him a small grin and stepped closer to hug him. It was quick, just a few seconds of warmth before he pulled back. “I’d love too.” He felt his stomach coil at the million-watt smile on Jackson’s face, his smile was so bright the sun couldn’t even compare.

“I was hoping you would. I, uh, really wanted you to have it be-because,” he stumbled over his words and Jinyoung swooned.

He couldn’t help but enjoy the blush on his cheeks as Jackson cleared his throat. He shook his head like he cleared all his thoughts and stared at Jinyoung with determination in his eyes. The dark irises had flecks of lighter brown floating around, making it look like a small galaxy. Jinyoung always loved his eyes.

“I know I’m going to miss you until our next group meeting. So I just wanted to have something both of us could wear.” Jackson toed the gravel, looking at his shoe digging into the pavement. “You know, like a, um-“

“Like a couples set!”

Yugyeom is so lucky there are witnesses around to hear him scream. Jinyoung can’t successfully murder him if there’s a family of five walking in the parking lot. The youngest of the group threw a heavy arm across Jinyoung’s shoulder, putting most of his body weight on him. He completely ignored the hard scowl the shorter man gave him in favor of peering into the box to inspect the bracelet.

“Wow, hyung is this nice. How much did it cost?” Yugyeom’s eyes grew wide. If Jinyoung is fast enough maybe he could poke an eyeball out.

Before Jackson could answer, a hand that wasn’t his own was reaching into the shopping bags. BamBam pulled out the other box, letting out a whistle at the sight of diamonds.

“I’m guessing he spent more than twenty grand.” BamBam showed Yugyeom, making the boy release his hold on Jinyoung and make his way to stand next to his friend. They traded boxes, losing interest in the two other idols while Jinyoung was losing his patience. “Hyung, you know you could’ve just bought matching shirts, right?”

Jackson gawked at him, but before he could respond, Yugyeom pipped in. “Yeah, normal people buy couple shirts. But you bought couple diamonds.”

Jinyoung felt his face heat up at the indication of matching jewelry. He’s not against the idea, he loves it actually, it’s just that he’s pretty sure Jackson didn’t mean it that way. The way his heart sunk when the elder frantically waved his hands in a misunderstanding hurt more than it needed too.

“It’s not like that! It’s not a couple thing!” His voice came out in a panic. Jinyoung felt his blood run cold at the sight of his wide eyes. Jackson looked to him for help but all he could do was meekly nod in agreement. He felt numb when Jackson said, “See? It’s just a friendship thing. Nothing more.”

He couldn’t read the look Yugyeom gave him, but he did see BamBam recoil. Jinyoung stood still as he watched the kids give back the boxes with somber looks. He gingerly took the box back from the Thai boy, dropping it into his shopping bag. Jinyoung stared at the box on top of his new hoodies. It seemed to mock him, calling him a coward. He knew he’s a coward, he doesn’t need inanimate objects to vouch for him.

He finally gazed up at the three boys staring at him. Yugyeom wore a sad expression, his eyebrows scrunched together as his bottom lip hung. BamBam was neutral, but Jinyoung picked up on the worried look in his eyes. Jackson, however, gave him a pleading look, like he needed Jinyoung to confirm that by giving him the bracelet was a more friendly doing than anything else. Jackson didn’t want it to be anything else.

Jinyoung stared him down, trying to tell him that he didn’t want it to be a thing between friends. He doesn’t want to be friends with the rapper. But he knew if he said anything that established him wanting to be more, then he might actually destroy the relationship he just fixed. Jinyoung made up his mind of hiding his feelings in order to be a beacon in Jackson’s life, he just didn’t realize how much it would hurt to do so. He strapped himself into this crazy roller coaster of feelings, doubts, and heartache with Jackson sitting beside him. But now that he’s at the top, he badly wants to jump off the ride. If he hits the tracks while falling, then so be it. As long as Jackson can safely ride this terror without noticing Jinyoung’s feelings for him, then they can enjoy the ride.

Too bad with every hectic loop or twist, Jinyoung is falling even more in love with him.

“Hyung?” Yugyeom placed a gentle hand on his arm, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Are you okay? You looked lost for a second.”

They made eye contact and Jinyoung felt like he was doused with cold water. He woke up, feeling more alert despite his horrible roller coaster ride. He didn’t sign up for this ride willingly, but now he’ll just have to withstand it.

“I’m fine, just tired.” He faced Jackson and summoned the fakest smile he could muster. “I love the bracelet. It’s cute, matching _friendship_ jewelry.” The word rolled off his tongue like a curse, but the rapper didn’t notice it at all. Maybe he is as dense as Jaebeom.

“Yeah,” his voice was strained but he also smiled back, a grin that was so fake plastic couldn’t even compare. Seems like Jackson isn’t the only dense one. “Friends.”

They stared at each other, trying to read the atmosphere and act accordingly. Jinyoung searched his eyes for any sort of indication that by giving him this bracelet means more than being friends, but it was in vain. He didn’t find anything besides the warm brown he wants to drown himself in. The soft irises that bore into his soul every time they meet, making him weak in the knees. Jinyoung has been searching those eyes for what seems like a lifetime, but always comes out empty handed. Maybe it’s time he stops his searching.

“What are you guys doing?” Jaebeom’s loud voice boomed across the parking lot, reaching the four boys and making the younger ones jump. “Let’s go! Our flight leaves in three hours!”

“Hyung!” BamBam squeaked out as he faced Jackson. “I need to ask you and Mark-hyung something about, uh, stuff.” He grabbed the bags hanging off his arm and gently gripped his wrapped hand, pulling him towards the van. Jackson shot Jinyoung one last forced smile before he was pushed into the vehicle.

Jinyoung stood next to Yugyeom who couldn’t help but place a comforting hand on his shoulder. The younger boy gave him a sad look when Jinyoung’s eyebrow rose and a frown appeared on his lips. His expression matched how he felt on the inside. The black haired man won’t express his sorrow in fear of Yugyeom putting two and two together. He’s always been good at dodging his older brothers lies and getting straight to the hard truth. It’s a talent that no one as nosy as him should have, but sometimes it’s what a person needs.

“You know,” he began, voice gentle and hand even gentler, “you’ve always been a good actor, but not even the best can hide his feelings.” The corner of Yugyeom’s lips twitched downwards. He was trying to hold back his own frown. “Jackson-hyung maybe falling for it, but you can’t convince yourself.”

His soft words left a gash in Jinyoung. It hurt, more than necessary. He’s been trying to act normal around him like the singer isn’t completely and utterly in love with Jackson. He’s trying and trying and trying but in the end, he can’t help his desire to be more than a friend to him. Jinyoung feels like this roller coaster will be the last one he’ll ever ride if he gets the chance to call Jackson his, however, he doesn’t know if Jackson even wants to be on this ride.

“Jinyoung.”

Jaebeom was in front of him. His face was unreadable, but his soft voice was enough to make Jinyoung move from his spot, walking to his side in seconds. Jaebeom nodded to Yugyeom in a thank you, then steered the young singer towards the car.

When he climbed in, Jinyoung didn’t even need to tell him, Youngjae already had his arms open in the back seat.

* * *

 “Hyung-“

“I swear to God, don’t say it.”

“Fine, I’ll say it.” The loud smack Mark gave to the back of Jackson’s head echoed in the car, making the young idols recoil. “You’re a fucking idiot.”

“I know I am! I don’t need you to tell me every five seconds.” Jackson rubbed his head as he glared at his friend. Getting hit in the head twice by his older members isn’t something he likes doing. “I panicked, okay? I didn’t know what else to say, I’m bad at words when I’m around him.”

“You could’ve just agreed,” BamBam spoke up from the back of the van. He shrugged his shoulders then elbowed Yugyeom to nod along with him.

“He’s right, Jinyoung-hyung didn’t seem to mind it.” Yugyeom lightly tapped BamBam’s shoulder. “Did you see his face after Jack told him it’s not a couple thing? I thought hyung was going to cry.”

“He wasn’t going to cry.” The Chinese man protested. He saw Jinyoung’s expression, it was more of an intense staredown than anything else. The look in his eyes when the Thai boy said to buy couple shirts instead of couple diamonds made something in Jackson’s stomach churn. It almost seemed like Jinyoung didn’t like the idea.

“Well, he looked pretty down when you denied it. He just dropped his gift in the bag like it burned him.” Yugyeom moved from the window seat towards the middle to peer at his older friend. “I think you hurt his feelings.”

“There’s nothing to hurt. He said the thing that happened between us this morning was nothing too.”

The chorus of, “Because you said it first!” Between all three of the other boys made Jackson’s ears ring.

“Hyung, gay chicken doesn’t even begin to describe what you guys were doing.” BamBam should really shut up before he gets socked in the arm. “The sexual tension was so thick I could taste it through the door.”

The yelp of pain from being punched by both Mark and Jackson made Yugyeom laugh. He got smacked too, just for agreeing with the younger rapper.

“Why’d you say it was a game? What if he thinks you were just playing around and messing with him? Jinyoung might look like a tough cookie, but you know he’s fragile.” Mark’s overprotective big brother mode is engaged and Jackson really shouldn’t be in choking proximity of him.

“I panicked. I needed a reason for my actions and that’s the first thing that came to mind.” The brunette hung his head in defeat. He couldn’t even look at the disapproving glare Mark gave him. “I couldn’t think of a better excuse.”

“You didn’t need to think of an excuse. Just be honest with him. I’m pretty sure Jinyoung-hyung wouldn’t treat you any differently if he knew of your feelings.” BamBam is trying to reassure him, and he’s grateful for it, but the constant thought of himself being the problem keeps weighing him down.

When Jackson told him of his feelings for Jinyoung, the Thai boy was supportive, telling him things will be alright and he could get through his situation. When Jackson told him and the rest of them about the talk on the bench, BamBam was the first to give him a hug. Both him and Yugyeom are trying to make the rapper feel better by giving him gentle words, Mark isn’t sugar coating anything, and while Jackson appreciates it, he knows their comfort only does so much when he’s in this deep.

“I can’t tell him. It’s not that I don’t want too, I wanna scream it from the rooftops, it’s just,” Jackson’s voice was small, almost scared, “I don’t know if I can handle the rejection. He’s different from the other people I’ve loved, it feels more real with him. I know I’ll distance myself from him, get away from the pain then ruin a friendship and the group.”

“But he won’t reject you, you need to get that through your head.” Mark tapped his forehead with his pointer finger. “No matter what you think will happen if you confess, things won’t go how you think they will. You won’t ruin the group, nothing can break us up.”

BamBam nodded in agreement. “We’ve been through worse, something like relationships won’t destroy us. We’re stronger than that. You’re stronger than that.”

“Jack, we all know Jinyoung loves you, you’re the only one who needs to believe it,” said Yugyeom. His big eyes were shining with worry, making Jackson’s heart clench.

He felt his eyes begin to sting, but he refuses to cry. He already had two breakdowns today, he doesn’t need a third one. His body feels tired, his head hurt, and he’s emotionally drained. Jackson just wants to go back home and wallow in his heartache, but he knows if he enters an empty apartment his demons will just scream at him, make him overthink. His thoughts would be overrun by self-doubt and Jinyoung, overtaking him like a tsunami and making him drown in his one-sided love.

A gentle hand was on his back. Jackson looked at his owner and his chest felt tight. BamBam’s expression was so soft, full of worry but also compassion as he rubbed soothing circles. Yugyeom was next to him, giving him a small smile of tenderness. These kids are always at his side whenever he’s down, they’re like his personal little happy pills that make him feel like things will be alright.

“Jaebeom told me you two talked.” Mark’s voice broke the silence. “What was it about?”

Jackson picked at his wrapped hand, rubbing the gauze and playing with the stray lint. He’ll have to change it later. He sighed then said, “I told him about this morning. I asked for advice on how to apologize. He picked up on my feelings then gave me advice on that too.”

“Okay, so what did he say? JB might not look it but he’s an expert on relationships.” BamBam unbuckled his seatbelt so he could sit in the aisle while the youngest boy sat in the middle seat. Whether they moved to instantly comfort Jackson if needed or just to get the juicy gossip, he doesn’t know.

Jackson picked at the gauze again. His conversation with Jaebeom was still fresh in his mind, the words still swirling around in jumbled thoughts. The look of compassion on his face as he spoke remained Jackson of his father. He listened to the whole thing, the rapper poured his heart out to the elder in hopes of help. He’s Jinyoung’s best friend, anything would assist him.

Jaebeom was patient with him, he let Jackson stumble over his sentences because he couldn’t describe how happy Jinyoung makes him. He nodded along and added in words when Jackson couldn’t think of ways to explain the situation to him. He also didn’t jump the Chinese man when he admitted he wanted to do more than what happened this morning. Jackson might not be afraid of much, but he’s definitely terrified of an angry Jaebeom who wouldn’t hesitate to give him a beat down in Jinyoung’s defense.

What his leader said after his word vomit still echoed in Jackson’s mind, making his heart thump.

“He told me to go for it.”

The three pairs of eyes that were on him shined with hope. They seemed happy for him, Jaebeom gave Jackson his blessing, in a sense. If he didn’t approve of his best friend dating the rapper, then he would’ve told him. His encouragement was a sign.

“That’s great news, right hyung?” Yugyeom had a confused look, one that matched BamBam’s. “Why aren’t you happy?”

Jackson fidgeted in his seat. “Because he also said Jinyoung is iffy about relationships. He hasn’t been in a real one, never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, just a few drunken one night stands when he was younger. He doesn’t know how to express his feelings when it comes to love, he’s tried but always came up short.” Jackson’s voice was wavering, it might break soon. “He said Jinyoung feels something for me.”

They waited for any sort backtrack, anything that might drag the silver lining of hope that surrounds Jackson. Nothing ever did.

“Where’s the ‘but’?” Mark narrowed his eyes at him. “You stopped like there’s something wrong. Jinyoung has feelings for you. Jaebeom told you to go for it. This is all getting good, why aren’t you happy about?”

Jackson’s chest felt heavy, like another rock as added to the one weighing him down. It stopped raining hours ago, but the bang of thunder outside their van matched how Jackson’s heart boomed.

“I’m scared that I might mess it up.” His voice finally broke like shattered glass. “I screwed up our friendship for half a day because I wanted him. I got jealous when he kissed Jaebeom. I tried to give him a gift because I wanted something to remind me of him when we’re apart, but fucked that up too.”

Jackson brought his knees up to his chest. His head pounded and his shoulders shook with every shaky breath. He won’t cry. He refuses to cry. He bets Jinyoung hasn’t once shed a tear over him, so he won’t shed another tear either.

“Jack, both you and Jinyoung-hyung are scared of relationships.” Yugyeom’s voice was gentle like he was talking to a little boy. “Why don’t you be scared together? Try to get over this fear of rejection and doubt with him?”

“Because I-“ A choked sobbed escaped him, but tears didn’t fall, “-don’t want to lose someone as important as him.”

BamBam’s arm snaked around his shoulders in a tight hug. He rubbed Jackson’s back to ease the tension in his muscles. “We know you’re afraid, but he is too. Hyung just doesn’t know how to show his feelings, but he’s trying. You said he reached out to you earlier, grabbed your hand, and held on tight. He’s doing his best, can’t you see that?”

“The efforts you made were well intended, at least the last one,” Mark backtracked. “He’s the first one to reach out and you always take his hand. Now it’s your turn to do it before he stops entirely.”

He won’t cry. He won’t cry. He _won't_ cry.

“Hyung’s smile when he said the diamonds where friendship jewelry was fake. He doesn’t like the idea of you two being just friends.” Yugyeom’s hand was warm on Jackson’s shoulder. “He wants more than friendship. He wants you, but you’re too scared to give yourself to him.”

“We understand why you’re scared, we’re scared for you too,” BamBam gently shook his shoulders, “you just need a confidence boost. A little motivation to get your gears moving.”

“Imagine going on lunch dates with him. You could hold hands while walking in the park. Surprise him in the studio with his favorite coffee.” Yugyeom listed off all the possible scenarios of them dating on his fingers. With his wild imagination, Jackson’s surprised he only came up with three.

“You two could move in together,” BamBam added his thoughts in with a small smile. “Split up the chores. Go grocery shopping. Have lazy Sundays. All that domestic shit.”

“And,” Jackson didn’t like the look in Mark's eye, “being able to fuck him on a regular basis is good too.”

The kids exploded into disguised protests of, “Ew hyung!” While Jackson’s face burned red. They’re right though, he’d love to go on dates with Jinyoung. Moving in together is something he hasn’t thought of, but an idea he’d be willing try to out. And the thought of fucking Jinyoung maybe every day is something he _definitely_ fantasized about a couple of times. He wants it all.

“What we’re trying to say,” Yugyeom lightly smacked a snickering Mark on the arm, “is that you could have a life with Jinyoung-hyung if you just confess to him. Both of you deserve to be happy, and if you can provide that for each other, then there’s nothing stopping you.”

BamBam finally released his shoulders to look Jackson dead in the eye. “You like him. He likes you. You guys are totally oblivious and really scared when to comes to relationships. But if you have each other, you can make it work.”

Jackson felt the tears well up, but they didn’t spill. He held them back, as best as he could.

_A life with Jinyoung._

That shot him straight through the heart. He wants it, he wants Jinyoung to be with him, always. His chest still felt tight, but the jackhammer pounding in his head subsided. The booming thunder outside stopped.

Jackson uncurled from the ball he was in. He suddenly felt a gust of fresh air enter his lungs, allowing him to breathe easier. The rocks on his heart were split in half, making Jackson feel balanced. One half was his worries and doubts, that won’t disappear until he knows Jinyoung wants the same thing as him. The other half was his fear. He’s still scared shitless of rejection, but if it means he can call Jinyoung his, then he’ll withstand a whole avalanche of boulders.

He shifted in his seat, then stopped when he felt something poke his thigh. He dug through his pocket and soon pulled out the small tube of chapstick with the cartoon peach on the side. He broke out in the first real smile he’s had since his time with Jinyoung. His heart felt full and heavy, it weighed him down but he won’t drown in his doubts this time. He’ll float on his determination to not be a hot mess around him, to make the young singer fall head over heels for him. Like how Jackson keeps doing.

“Hyung? You’re staring at your lip balm like it’s the golden ticket. Are you feeling okay?” Yugyeom’s big brown doe eyes bore into his soul. Jackson felt warm when their eyes met, only their youngest member could seem like he’s going to give you the third-degree interrogation while looking like an innocent child.

“He’s fine, Yugie.” Mark’s canines flashed when he smiled at Jackson. The proud shine in his eye made the Chinese man warmer, like a summers lazy afternoon. “I think he just had an epiphany.”

BamBam leaned back into Yugyeom, motioning for him to lean down, then whispered, “What does epiphany mean?”

The younger boy shrugged. “I thought it was just a really good song.”

That lightened the dark atmosphere that surrounded them. Jackson laughed, a real one that had his eyes crinkling and his giggles coming out high pitched. The gloomy mood that overtook him not even a minute ago vanished with the confused look the kids shared. He should get them a dictionary, maybe they could widen their vocabulary from “flexin” and “hella” with a little light reading.

“Jack,” Mark’s tone held a stern edge to it, but it was also soft, like how one would speak to a toddler that needs reassurance. “Are you done crying?”

Jackson scoffed. “I didn’t cry.”

“Not this time,” Yugyeom said, earning himself a pinch to the arm.

“Mark-hyung told us about your tear-jerking breakdowns. I wish he caught it on video. I could’ve made a documentary about your love story. How does ‘The Chinese Idiot and Petty Pretty Boy’ sound as a title?” BamBam is getting thrown in the trash when they get back to Korea. Maybe he can find a new sense of humor while he’s in there.

He punched the Thai boy’s arm, but couldn’t help the uncontrollable bubble of giggles that erupted from his mouth. He wouldn’t want to watch his horror love experience on the big screen, it’s hard enough just living it.

“I’ll make sure to catch the next one. There’s bound to be more if this fool doesn’t man up soon.” The American rapper was dead serious, but Jackson could pick up on the playful tone.

“There won’t be a next time, I can promise you that.” The assurance in his voice resonated throughout the car, making the other three boys smile.

Jackson is done being the one to take his hand, holding onto Jinyoung's outstretched palm, being the one to wait. This time, he's making sure the boy takes his hand instead. Jackson isn’t sure how things will turn out, he doesn’t even know how he’ll tell Jinyoung of his feelings. However, he does know that he’s done crying. The next time he cries over Jinyoung, they’ll be in each other’s arms, kissing their tears away.

* * *

 The loud slurping sound from BamBam drinking his iced coffee was beginning to piss Mark off. The rattle of ice cubes mixed with Yugyeom’s gasps of shock over the anime he was so engrossed in on his phone only added fuel to the fire. The elder was about to snap when Jaebeom and Youngjae finally rounded the corner and plopped down in the two seats opposite of the trio.

“Sorry we took so long,” the younger singer apologized, “Beomie wanted a smoothie but they got his order wrong.”

Jaebeom stopped drinking his orange smoothie to interject but was only cut off when Mark raised his hand. “I don’t wanna hear it, let’s just get this over with.” He looked at Youngjae who only fidgeted in his seat. “What did Jinyoung tell you?”

The air around the table they occupied turned serious. The five of them gathered at the food court the second they arrived at the airport in favor of having a long-awaited talk. They ditched their two lovesick friends to entertain each other after they made it through checking just to discuss said friends. The five of them know if they leave it up to Jinyoung and Jackson to confess to each other, then they’d be waiting even longer than they’ve already had.

Mark called Jaebeom and Youngjae before they exited their cars to tell them to meet the trio at the food court. His leader was reluctant to talk about his best friends love life without him knowing, but Youngjae convinced him with a few smoothly spoken words and promises of Jinyoung’s happiness. Jaebeom still doesn’t like the idea of them meddling in something they don’t belong in, but he’s tired of seeing Jinyoung’s sad face just as much as Mark is tired of Jackson’s.

Normally they would let something between two members be, but this was too serious to ignore. If those two idiots are too blinded by the thought of rejection, then they need help in the form of five very nosy brothers.

Youngjae cleared his throat. “He said hyung wants to be friends.”

“That’s what Jack said too.” Yugyeom finally put down his phone to engage in the team meeting. One Piece can wait, their friends love lives are in danger and needs saving.

“Well, they’re both obviously lying.” BamBam finished his coffee and placed the empty cup to the side. “We spoke to Jackson-hyung and he basically said he wants to be Jinyoung-hyung’s one and only.”

“Jinyoung cried again when we left the shopping center. He jumped into the car and didn’t say anything until we got onto the highway.” Jaebeom placed his half-drunken smoothie next to BamBam’s cup. The Thai boy eyed the drink, Mark could see his hands itching to snag a taste. “Jackson’s words hurt him more than it should’ve.”

“Hyung panicked and blurted the first thing that came to mind. He didn’t want Jinyoung-hyung to think he wanted it to be a couple thing when he really did mean it.” Now Yugyeom was eyeing the orange cup. “He admitted he’s stupid for saying it meant nothing more.”

“He’s even stupider for saying what happened between them was a game of gay chicken. Jinyoung now thinks Jackson was just entertaining himself by playing with his body and feelings.” Jaebeom’s eyes grew dark. Mark knows he’s pissed at Jackson, and he has every right to be as an overprotective best friend, but the rapper thinks bodily harming the Chinese man would make Jinyoung very sad.

Youngjae placed his hand atop their leaders own, rubbing his knuckles in calming strokes to ease the anger bubbling up in the older main vocal. Mark wanted to scoff at their subtle affection and just tell them to hold hands but decided against it. He knew those two were dating ever since he saw the look of jealousy on Jaebeom’s face when Youngjae was absent mindlessly flirting with a bartender the last time they all went to a club. In the younger’s defense, he was slightly drunk and kept referring to the bartender as _Jaebeomie-hyung,_ so Mark couldn’t be mad at him. It was cute how Jaebeom sulked in a corner until Yugyeom steered the singer to their booth to be with the real Jaebeomie.

“In my opinion,” BamBam’s hand was on the table, next to the smoothie, “they’re both incredibly stupid.”

All four heads nodded in agreement. The Thai rapper might not say the smartest things at times, but all of them can agree that he’s totally right.

Yugyeom’s eyes kept shifting from the cup to BamBam’s hand. “They’re both terrified of rejection, though we know they won’t reject each other. Jack said he won’t believe anything we say until Jinyoung-hyung tells him himself.”

“Jinyoung said the same thing earlier, but now he’s stuck on Jackson saying everything that went down between them means nothing.” Jaebeom took a sip from his smoothie then placed it closer to him. Both the younger ones frowned.

“They just need a little motivation to actually confess to each other,” Youngjae said as he finally let go of Jaebeom’s hand. It was his turn to frown this time. “If we can get one of them to walk or least look in the right direction, then they can finally be together.”

“We gave Jackson pretty good points as to why he should spill his feelings,” Mark spoke up as he watched BamBam slowly inch his chair closer to Jaebeom and his smoothie. “We think it worked. After we told him to man up, he laughed at his lip balm then promised us he won’t cry over Jinyoung again.”

“Hyung cried all day. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so distraught.” Youngjae’s small voice was enough to make Mark’s chest ache. They know it’s bad when their resident ball of sunshine is sad. When Youngjae is sad, everyone else is sad.

Jaebeom threw an arm around his boyfriend, making the younger lay his head on his broad shoulders. “Jinyoung had, like, four breakdowns. That’s all in one day, that’s more than he’s had when we were trainees. He’s never cried over someone this much before.”

“He’s never been in a real relationship, right?” Asked BamBam, causing the main vocal duo to nod in confirmation. “Then he’s just figuring out how to love. He understands the platonic love we all share, but the romantic kind seems to go over his head.”

“Hyung really loves Jack. You can see it, everyone can see it. Even manager-hyung sees it.” Youngjae nuzzled closer into his leaders' side. Mark enjoyed watching them, they were cute. “They’re the only blind ones.”

“Maybe if Jackson-hyung sees someone else trying to take Jinyoung-hyung away from him, then he could finally act out his feelings,” said Yugyeom.

Mark shook his head at the suggestion. “That’s a bad idea. If he got mad enough to break a mug with his bare hand because Jinyoung kissed Jaebeom’s cheek, then I’d hate to be the guy who straight up flirts with Jinyoung in front of him. He can’t ruin his image because some dude is getting comfy with his crush.”

“Jinyoung definitely won’t approve of Jackson getting into a fight because of him. He’s still trying to wrap his head as to why Jackson was jealous in the first place.” Jaebeom took another sip of his smoothie, it was almost gone. “He’s lucky he’s pretty, I’m sure Jackson doesn’t love him just for his smarts.”

“What if we set them up on dates?” BamBam’s eyes still haven’t left the smoothie. “You know, make a group lunch date then we cancel on them last minute so they’re forced to hang out.”

“That won’t work either. Knowing Jack he’d just say it won’t be the same without all seven of us there.” Youngjae swiped Jaebeom’s smoothie from the elder's hand and took a generous sip. Their leader didn’t protest, but the youngest duo’s frowns were back.

“Then what? We can’t plan anything when we get back home, we’ll be busy with our own schedules to really talk.” Yugyeom gave up his battle for the drink then picked up his phone to check the time. Their flight leaves in an hour so they need to hurry up and plot a plan to have these idiots confess to each other or else they’ll all be stuck in limbo. “Jackson-hyung and Jinyoung-hyung just fixed their friendship only to have something dumb cause another crack in it. They can’t fix it on their own.”

“Maybe we don’t need to fix it.” BamBam’s eyes finally left the smoothie in favor of glancing up to the sound of high pitched laughter.

Mark’s gaze followed the younger’s and the sight before him made a weight lift off his shoulders. Jackson and Jinyoung were walking hand in hand towards them, sharing giggles and smiles with ducked heads. They looked happy, like neither of them were about to have another crying session less than two hours ago. Jackson was practically bouncing in joy, jumping every few seconds and pulling the younger along with him. When Jinyoung stretched his arm, his jacket sleeve would ride up to reveal a diamond bracelet on his slim wrist.

The happy pair finally noticed their missing members and walked over. Jackson and Mark made eye contact and in that instant, he knew the Chinese man wasn’t faking it this time.

“There you guys are, we thought you boarded a different plane and left us.” Jinyoung’s giggles died down when they neared the table. He saw the orange smoothie in Youngjae’s hand and took the drink, finishing it in a few gulps. “Jackson and I were getting worried.”

“Yeah, you assholes left us after checking. I had to hunt down Jinyoung then we spent, like, ten minutes looking for you guys.” Jackson didn’t sound annoyed. He seemed happy to be alone with the Korean man. From the way they were standing next to each other, taking up the others breathing space, invading their personal bubbles, Mark could tell Jackson was anything but annoyed.

“If I didn’t know any better,” Jinyoung eyed the five boys, making them all squirm in their seats, “it almost seems like you guys wanted us to find each other before finding you.”

BamBam waved his hand nonchalantly with a scoff. “What? No, definitely not. We just all conveniently met here at the same time and sat together because we don’t want Yugie to get lost again.”

“It was one time! Let it go!” The youngest singer whined, lightly pounding his balled fists on the table.

Jinyoung narrowed his eyes and at that moment, Mark felt a sharp twinge of fear. There’s only a handful of things he’s scared of and Jinyoung takes a spot in the top three. He used to sit low on his ranking until him and Mark got into a petty argument, resulting in the elder “accidentally” spilling coffee on one of his new books. The next day, he woke up to find his favorite jacket has miraculously shrunk in the wash along with every article of clothing he owned turning a horrible brown color. That didn’t even beat what he did to the American man’s shoes and hat collection. Jinyoung may have the face of an angel, but he has the mind of the devil.

“Whatever you idiots are planning,” he glanced at every boy around the table, making the air turn chilly, “if it involves me and Jackson, don’t even think about going through with it.”

“But you guys are totally oblivious-umph!” Thank God for Jaebeom’s fast reflexes. The Thai boy struggled to pry off the hand over his mouth, but Mark kicked him under the table to stop his squirming. If BamBam said any more than that, then they’d have both an angry Jinyoung and Jackson on their tails.

“We weren’t planning anything.” Jaebeom’s smooth voice broke the tension. He shot Jinyoung a million-watt smile that only resulted in the younger man glaring harder. “There’s no scheme that needs your two cents.”

Jackson’s eyebrows pinched together. “Wouldn’t that be four cents?” He asked. The hand that wasn’t in Jinyoung’s own waving in between himself and the other man.

“Not in your case,” Yugyeom spoke up, “you don’t even have a single cent to give.”

The table erupted in loud laughter, their high pitched crackles echoing through the crowded airport food court, making passersby stare at them. As Mark wiped tears from his eye, he saw Jackson with a hard frown on his face, but it was soon buried in Jinyoung’s neck. The taller man had his other hand on the rapper’s head as he stroked the soft hair. When Jackson shifted so he was basically flush with Jinyoung’s body, his jacket and shirt moved too, allowing Mark to catch a peek of a diamond necklace he hasn’t seen before gracing his neck.

“He’s lucky he’s adorable or I would’ve strangled this kid a long time ago.” Jackson’s mumbled complaint was full of annoyance only for him to instantly relax when Jinyoung nuzzled his forehead.

The black haired man directed a proud smile towards Yugyeom who beamed right back. After years together the kid picked up on Jinyoung’s swift mouth and, like monkey-see-monkey-do, mimics his sharp words with enthusiasm.

“Don’t worry, Seun-ah, Yugyeomie is just messing around.” He smirked and Mark felt like he should be running right about now. The curl of his lips wasn’t even for him but it made a chill run down his spine. “Besides, if you had more than one cent, you’d be a dangerous force of nature.”

The table once again exploded in giggles at Jackson’s whine of protest. He stomped his foot and detangled himself from Jinyoung’s side, his frown was stronger than ever. He pushed the giggling man away and crossed his arms.

“Remind me again why I’m friends with you.”

His giggles weren’t dying anytime soon, but the young singer still choked out a reply. “Because your life would be boring without me.”

Jackson’s features softened. His frown let up as his crossed arms slackened. Mark saw his brown eyes melt into puddles of adoration for the man laughing before him. He’s so in love he out beats Cupid himself.

“It’s a good thing you’re not cute.”

Before Jinyoung could shout his protest, Jackson’s arm was sneaking around his shoulders to bring him into a headlock. The giggles that spilled from the younger’s lips only made the table slightly confused. The hold around his neck wasn’t tight enough, the singer could easily break free, but he didn’t. When Jinyoung wrapped his arms around the Chinese man’s torso to jab his hands into his side, earning himself a squeal of surprise, Mark was already raising a curious eyebrow. These two were ready to cry their eyes out for the millionth time today then suddenly they play fighting in the middle of a food court. The oldest of the group wanted to voice his thoughts, but a nosy BamBam beat him to it.

“Okay, hold up.” He raised both his hands, gathering everyone’s attention. “What’s going on? You guys were mad at each other before we arrived at the airport, now you’re acting like best friends when it’s only been,” he squinted at Yugyeom’s phone, “ _fifteen minutes_ since we got here?”

Jackson released his hold on Jinyoung to fully face the young rapper. “We’re adults, we talked about it, now we’re fine. See?” He moved his shirt's neckline to show off the sparkling diamond necklace. He then grabbed Jinyoung’s hand to pull down his jacket sleeve to reveal the matching bracelet. “We made up.”

Mark glanced at the black haired man and let out a sigh. Jinyoung had a forced smile on his face, his eye whiskers weren’t as convincing. He pulled his hand free from Jackson’s grasp to throw an arm over his shoulder. They faced their group with an air of contentment around them mixed in with tension only those two can cause.

“We’re fine, so we don’t need you guys to butt-in.” His eyes instantly found Jaebeom’s. They seemed to have a silent conversation that ended with their leader nodding his head in understanding. Jinyoung then pulled Jackson’s ear to get his attention, snapping his eyes away from his and Mark’s own conversation. “That smoothie was good, go buy me one.”

Jackson scoffed, rolling his eyes at him with a hint of a smile playing at his lips. “I bought you lunch, ice cream, and a drink. Now you’re demanding me to buy you a smoothie? What’s in it for me?”

“I won’t say your hats are ugly anymore.” His hopeful eyes only made the rapper raise an eyebrow. Jinyoung then slid off the arm around him to clutch at his forearm and hand, fingers interlacing each other like it was second nature. He then batted his eyelashes with a pout and in a honey-sweet voice said, “Pretty please, _hyung_?”

In a split second, Jackson’s eyes turned dark, his irises deepening to the color of rich earth. His jaw clenched, Mark saw a muscle around his mouth twitch. His entire body turned rigid. A faint pink dusted his cheeks when he looked away from the pouting man.

“O-only because you said p-please.” Came his stuttered reply. The smile Jinyoung gave him only deepened his blush. The table of five all shared a knowing look while Youngjae mouthed the word _whipped_.

“We’ll see you guys when we board.” Jinyoung gave them all a smile that held a promise of either bodily harm or shrinking jackets if they meddled, then released Jackson’s hand in favor of draping it across his shoulders again. “Yugyeomie,” the youngest member jolted at his name, a visible shiver running down his spine, “don’t get lost.”

With that, the two idols turned around and made their way to a cafe, all while Jinyoung raddled off his smoothie order. Mark didn’t miss how Jackson slipped his hand in Jinyoung’s back pocket as they walked off.

“What the fuck just happened?” BamBam voiced what they all were thinking.

“Those two give me headaches,” Yugyeom groaned as he picked up his phone to resume his anime. He mumbled something about how Zoro and Jackson share the same muscle bounded brain before tuning the rest of the members out.

“So they’re fine now? We don’t need to come up with an elaborate scheme to get them together?” Youngjae asked, frowning at the empty smoothie cup near him.

What’s with everyone and smoothies? Mark needs to buy one to see what all the fuss is over.

“Is no one going to point how out Jackson grabbed Jinyoung’s ass?” Looks like Overprotective Bestie mode is engaged once again.

“Maybe it’s for best if we don’t stick our noses in their business.” Mark shrugged, slouching a little in his seat. “They seemed alright to me. They can figure out how to handle their feelings.”

“But hyung,” Youngjae’s voice was full of caution, “it took them almost a full day for them to make up after this morning. How long will it take for them to finally confess to each other?”

“Guys, seriously. He just groped his ass in the middle of an airport.”

“So? You grab Youngjae’s ass all the time.” Yugyeom pipped up, momentarily prying his eyes from his phone to give Jaebeom a deadpan stare. “Besides, Jinyoung-hyung probably enjoyed it.”

Their leader gawked at Yugyeom like a fish out of water, his mouth open and closing as he tried to get his words out. “I d-do not grab h-his ass.”

A group agreement of, “Yes you do,” made Jaebeom pout. Mark snickered as the main vocalist crossed his arms and slouched in his seat. He looked cute.

“I’ll still plan something in case those dorks need a little push.” BamBam nodded. Mark could already see the gears turning in his head and he didn’t like the spark in his eye.

“You just want to get the bet over with.” Yugyeom nudged his shoulder, making the Thai boy’s eyes widen.

“What bet?” Youngjae asked, leaning towards the younger two.

“It’s nothing-“

“Bammie thinks Jinyoung-hyung is the guy in the relationship, so I bet him twenty thousand won saying he’s not.”

The bark of laughter Mark let out caused a family eating ramen a few tables over to glare in his direction. “You two bet on who’s top in the relationship?” Another fit of laughter broke through his chest, making the American man’s stomach clench.

It took a moment for Youngjae to understand what they were talking about, but once it clicked, his face turned bright red. “You guys are so freakin weird.”

Mark sat in thought for a while before saying, “Why do they need to establish a top and bottom? Can’t they just switch off-“

“Okay!” Jaebeom slammed his hand on the table, straightening up from his seat. His face also held a faint red to his cheeks. “I don’t wanna talk about whether my _best friend_ takes it or not. Honestly, I’d rather not talk about anything else that involves them. We should just stay outta their business and leave them alone. They’re grown adults, they can figure things out for themselves.”

The four boys nodded their head in agreement. Mark was neutral to the whole thing, he wasn’t against them plotting something or all for it either, he just wants his friends to be happy. However, if he needs to see one more puppy dog face or tear roll down Jackson’s cheeks because he can’t man up and make a move, then he’s disowning the rapper.

The table was quiet, the only noise was the faint sounds of metal swords clashing and rubber stretching coming from Yugyeom’s phone. They seemed to end their Jackson and Jinyoung conversation, so Mark was about to suggest they head back to their boarding gate when Youngjae, never one to think before he speaks, blurted out, “Why’d you bet only twenty thousand? I’m putting down eighty.”

The pained groan Jaebeom emitted rang in Mark’s ears, making him snicker again. Their leader stood up from the table mumbling to himself about how his members give him gray hairs, then stormed off. Youngjae laughed before running after him, protests of, “Beomie he’s going to tell you anyway, just get used to it,” spilling from his lips.

It only took less than five seconds for Jaebeom’s hard scowl to turn into a soft smile, one of fondness, before they fell into step with each other. Then it took less than a second for his hand to find homepage in Youngjae jeans pocket.

Mark watched their receding backs then faced the maknaes. The three boys had smirks on their faces when they all said, “Whipped.”


	9. Focus On Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao here's an extra long chapter as an apology for not updating in like a month

Youngjae picked up on the second ring and Jinyoung has never felt so grateful for him always having his phone on hand. 

“ _Hyung? What’s up? Are you okay?_ ” 

The older singer let out a snort at his worried tone. “I’m fine Jae. Nothing’s wrong.” 

“ _Then why are you calling? I just saw you a few days ago._ ”

“What? I can’t call and check in on you? You know you worry me the most when we’re on breaks.” 

It was Youngjae’s turn to scoff. “ _How bored are you, hyung?_ ”

“Extremely.”

It’s been three weeks since all of them gathered together. They still text their group chat with little updates on each other, but it’s not the same. Granted they still see one another, Jinyoung visited Youngjae at his home, just to check in and make sure he isn’t overworking himself. He’s serious when he said Youngjae worries him the most. The boy is always in the studio, cooking up melodies and tracks that would make anyone melt just from his angelic voice. He forgets to eat and forgoes sleep in favor of writing tear-jerking lyrics. It’s a wonderful talent he has, but it’s also his worst habit. 

The younger man on the other line chuckled. “ _Have you tried reading your new books?_ ” 

“Can’t focus on them.”

“ _Walk in the park?_ ”

“I don’t wanna leave the house.” 

“ _Working on songs?_ ” 

“I have writer's block.” 

The groan Youngjae emitted matched how Jinyoung felt. “ _Hyung, you’re not giving me much to work with. You need something to entertain you, but you’re just being difficult._ ” It was quiet until the younger brought up a topic Jinyoung was dreading. “ _Have you tried texting Jackson-hyung?_ ” 

“No.” His voice sounded small, even to him. “I haven’t spoken to him in a few days.”

It’s been three weeks since their last concert. It’s been three weeks since Jinyoung’s trip to the convenience store with Jackson. It’s been three weeks since he realized he’s in love with that hyperactive goofball. 

Their time together before they landed in Korea was too short. After they left their friends at the food court and bought Jinyoung’s smoothie (that was the best airport smoothie he’s ever had) he and Jackson decided to wait at their boarding gate. They sat in a little corner and just talked. They conversed about their plans for their break, how Jinyoung is meeting with his sisters when he gets back, and how Jackson is planning on working with other artists in a few collaborations. 

Throughout their chit-chat, they gradually scooted closer to each other until there was barely room for a sheet of paper between them. Every so often Jinyoung would catch the elder staring at his wrist donning the diamond bracelet and feel his chest clench. His conversation with the rapper before they ventured off to look for their friends still stung weeks later. 

_“I’m sorry if how I reacted was a bit off.” Jinyoung started as they walked through the airport. “Yugyeom and BamBam just annoyed me.”_

_“It’s fine. I’m sorry if they made you think differently. I, uh, didn’t mean it like that,” Jackson said, avoiding eye contact._

_Jinyoung wanted to scream at him to please mean it like that but waved a nonchalant hand. “Don’t worry about it, they probably just wanted to cause trouble.”_

_“Are you still going to accept it?”_

_When they finally made it to their gate, Jinyoung took the black box out from his carry on and took the bracelet out. He held out his wrist to the rapper and said, “Help me put it on?”_

_Both their hands were shaky as Jackson gingerly took the jewelry. He took Jinyoung’s hand in his, turning it upside down and stroking the soft skin of his wrist, making the younger’s breathing fluctuate. He hooked the clasp on and admired how it looked on him, his eyes shined. Jinyoung wanted to admire it too, but his gaze was too engrossed on the diamond necklace around the elder’s throat._

_His hand was reaching out before he even took the time to notice it. He fingered the chain, running his thumb over the links, grazing the skin of Jackson’s neck in the process. His breath hitched when his limb was caught in the Chinese man’s own. The gauze of his hand was rough, scratching Jinyoung’s skin, but his fingers were soft as they rubbed his knuckles._

_“It was a really weird day.” Jackson took his hand in both of his, gazing at the bracelet._

_Jinyoung tried to swallow the lump in his throat to no anvil. “It was. But we’re fine now, right?”_

_When Jackson’s big puppy dog eyes met his brown ones, the lump grew bigger. “Of course. We’ve had weirder things happen to us.”_

_“We did, but I don’t think almost dying from embarrassment counts as weird.” Jinyoung turned his hand over to interlace their fingers, finding the lump shrinking when Jackson squeezed his hand. “It’s more like a situation where I’ll room with Mark next time.”_

_The flash of disappointment that ran through the elder’s eyes made Jinyoung’s chest hurt. It came quickly but left just as fast, replacing the dark brown with a playful light. That made his chest pain worsen._

_“C’mon! You can’t break up the Wang gae and Park gae duo!” Jackson gripped his hand tighter and stomped his feet like a child. “I promise I’ll wake up when you tell me to. I won’t complain anymore. I’ll even throw in a few extra cuddles.”_

_His voice came out strained, like his smile. Jinyoung brought his free hand up to ruffle the rapper’s hair, making his pout change into a grin. “Only if you share the blanket. I don’t care if you’re as warm as a bear, I was still cold without it.”_

_The smile that Jackson gave him shouldn’t make Jinyoung sad. It shouldn’t make his heart hurt or limbs feel heavy. Normally his smile and laughter light up Jinyoung’s world, but now it’s just a reminder of something he can’t have._

“ _Hyung!_ ” Youngjae’s loud shout rang in his ears, making Jinyoung snap back to reality. 

The elder shook his head, apologizing for not paying attention and told the boy to repeat his question. Youngjae gave him a dry laugh, he must’ve known what the singer was thinking about.

“ _I asked why you haven’t called him. Are you guys going through something again?_ ”

“No, it’s nothing like that. It’s just..” his voice sounded off like it was far away. 

“ _You’ve given up, haven’t you?_ ”

“I don’t want too, Jae, but he’s made his points clear.” Jinyoung stopped to clear his throat before his voice cracked. He stood from his couch to get a glass of water, attempting to distract himself. 

“ _Just because he’s denying it, doesn’t mean it’s true. You know Jackson-hyung is a terrible liar. You can’t give up just because he goes into gay panic every time you’re near._ ” 

Jinyoung snorted before taking a huge gulp of his glass. He finished it in seconds. “Did you give up?” 

“ _I thought about it, but I didn’t. The thought of sharing memories with Jaebeom kept me going._ ” Even if he couldn’t see it, Jinyoung knew the younger boy had a dreamy smile on his face. “ _I used to daydream about us going on dates to my favorite cafe. I’d imagine what it would feel like to hold his hand. I’d hope that someday I’ll be able to kiss him in the studio. All that domestic stuff, you know?_ ”

There was shuffling on the other side, a squeal of surprise, then Jaebeom’s deep voice said, “ _For the record, we did more than a kiss in the studio._ ” 

The moment Youngjae’s high pitched protest of, “ _Babe!_ ” came from the background is when Jinyoung vowed to never go into their studio again. 

“ _Just call him, you coward. Nothing can go wrong from wanting to hang out with Jackson,_ ” reasoned Jaebeom. There was more shuffling than the sound of springs squeaking. _"He can’t say no to you, even if he tried._ ” 

More springs sang then there was a muffled thump of a pillow hitting something. “ _Beomie’s right, hyung. He practically worships the ground you walk on. You could tell him to jump and he’d do a backflip for you._ ” 

“ _Jinyoung, reach out to him. It can't hurt to try._ ” 

Jinyoung sighed. He wants to reach out, but the more he stretches the farther Jackson gets. He’s been trying to get closer but every time he’s about to grab his hand, Jackson takes a leap forward, leaving Jinyoung in the dust. He’s tired of running towards him but ending up with dirt in his face. He’s tired of attempting to show him his feelings through actions because he knows if he uses words then they’d get mixed up, resulting in more heartache. He’s so _tired_. 

Jinyoung didn’t want to rebuttal, he didn’t want to say something then have the couple comfort him. They’ve done so much for him, he knows they’re tired too. Instead of saying how he’s going to stop his running, the singer just said, “Okay. I’ll try.” 

“ _Good. Keep your head up._ ” Jaebeom’s soft voice still calmed him down. Even when he’s not trying, he’s Jinyoung’s anchor when he feels like he’s drifting. “ _Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to the studio._ ” 

It took a second for Jinyoung to pick up on the innuendo when he did he instantly gagged in disgust. “I didn’t need to know that. You two are so gross. I hate you.” 

His leader laughed but his chuckles soon turned into pained grunts. The sound of the thumping pillow was back along with Youngjae’s loud voice saying how stupid Jaebeom is. Once Jinyoung assumed the elder was safe from the onslaught of pillow attacks, he said he’s hanging up in fear of overhearing things he definitely doesn’t want to hear. The pair promised to call him later, then the line went dead. 

Jinyoung stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, letting his hand drop to his side. He tilted his head back until it landed on the cupboard with a heavy thud. He stared at his ceiling then sighed once more. He’s been doing that a lot lately. 

He glanced at his phone screen, peering at his recent calls. Jackson’s contact stared up at him, sitting at the bottom of the list. Jinyoung’s thumb twitched, wanting to press his contact but held against it. He groaned, the sound coming out pained then dropped his phone on the counter to scrub his face with his hands. 

He’s trapping himself, he’s constantly doubting everything him and Jackson’s been through, thinking it’s all just a game. The touches, the words, the longing looks, everything. It’s all been a twisted dream his mind conjured up in his lovesick head. Jinyoung’s peaked, he’s finally realized that no matter what he does, his efforts are wasted. He’s done chasing. He’s done trying. He’s done. 

The vocalist chuckled dryly, then picked up his phone. He trudged his way into his room and plopped himself face first into the pillows. He rolled over onto his side and brought his phone up to his face. He exited his contacts and pressed his social media app, mindlessly scrolling through. He kept thumbing through his feed, occasionally liking a post that caught his interest and refreshing once in a while. He saw a funny picture of a cat and thought of Jaebeom and BamBam. He screenshotted the post, sending it to the Thai boy and their leader. They’d for sure enjoy it. 

It wasn’t until Jinyoung refreshed for the third time did he stop his scrolling. The sight of bulging muscles and a strong chest made his mouth dry. A black tank-top hugged the man’s toned torso well, outlining the defined abs underneath. Broad shoulders and arms glistened with sweat as they curled, hauling heavy dumbbells with effort full grunts. A head donning a black hat tilted back, casting a shadow on his face and exposing his thick neck, decorated with a diamond necklace. 

Jackson’s at the gym and Jinyoung is trying not to pop a boner at the sound of heavy grunts and very attractive muscles. 

Jinyoung groaned. He threw his phone to the side and buried his face in the pillow, hoping he could suffocate himself. Why is it that whenever he’s trying to distract himself from Jackson, said man pops up and ruins everything? He just wants one day, a single day where his thoughts aren’t clouded by the Chinese man, but it seems like that day isn’t today. 

The elder’s grunts filled the room, his phone's speakers blasting the sound on full volume. Jinyoung reluctantly grabbed the device. He wanted to leave the app, but his eyes were so fixated on the way Jackson’s arms moved that instead of pressing the back arrow, he double tapped.

It’s not weird, right? He’s just liking a friends post and admiring how his fit body shone under the bright fluorescent lights of the gym. The video replayed again and Jinyoung found himself staring. Then it replayed again. Then once more. And one more time. By the sixth time, Jinyoung was licking his dry lips and imagining Jackson’s hard body on top of him. 

He already knows how his smooth, tan skin feels against Jinyoung’s own. How his arms feel around the younger. How his hips feel slotted against each other. He knows how raspy his voice is when he whispers in the Korean man’s ear. He knows how his hands feel when they’re rubbing Jinyoung’s thighs and gripping his hips. He knows it all. 

He didn’t even notice the hand that started to trail down his body. It pushed his white shirt up to reveal his torso, stroking the soft skin of his lower abdomen as Jinyoung’s eyes raked over Jackson’s body for the umpteenth time. His hand descended lower, running a hand over his gray sweatpants to adjust his underwear which was growing tighter with every passing second. The raven-haired haired man didn’t register how fast his heart thumped in his chest until he closed his eyes to focus on the noises from the video. 

Jackson’s grunts echoed in his ear, making Jinyoung’s breath hitch. He bit his bottom lip in an attempt to suppress his own noises when his hand grazed his crotch, making his cock jump. Jinyoung felt a rush race through him, making a whimper escape his lips. His eyes were still closed, listening to the video, letting his mind run wild with thoughts of Jackson. He oh so badly wanted the rapper to pin him down, litter his body in bites, causing him to moan his name.

Jinyoung’s heart boomed hummingbird-quick as he squirmed on his bed, moving his hips in subtle moments, chasing the hand that ran down his inner thigh. The phone in his hand shook slightly when his other limb _finally_ cupped his erection through his joggers. A groan left his lips at the touch, making his back arch a little off the bed. His legs widened as he rubbed the bulge, feeling it twitch. 

Jinyoung couldn’t take it anymore. White hot arousal bubbled in his stomach, making him let out more whimpers as he lightly stroked his cock through his pants. Need slashed through him when his hips bucked up to meet his hand, causing the singer to gasp. He retracted his hand and fumbled with the elastic of his underwear, slipping his fingers under to grasp-

The video stopped playing. The sounds of dumbbells clanking and loud grunts were replaced with a shrill, high pitched ringtone. Jinyoung’s hand stilled as his eyes fluttered open. When he saw the contact name, he scrambled upright, almost flying his phone in the process. His erection seemed to whither in his pants at the sight of ‘Wang Gae’ and a picture of Jackson smiling flashed before him. 

“Fuck,” Jinyoung muttered as he dropped his phone like it burned him.

He used both his hands to grip his hair, staring in disbelief at the device. He can’t talk to Jackson after he was thinking of the man and _touching himself._  How the hell can he even face him? It’s not normal to get hard at a video of a friend then proceed to get off to that video. It’s weird and gross and _fuck_ Jinyoung is so screwed but he wants to answer the phone. 

What if it’s something important? Maybe Jackson has something to tell him that can’t wait until they meet up two weeks from now. Or maybe he’s calling to check up on him, he does that whenever they go a few days without speaking, this time couldn’t be any different. Maybe he misses Jinyoung just as much as he misses the rapper. 

The phone was on its fourth ring. By its fifth, it will go to voicemail. Jinyoung has about ten seconds to decide if he wanted to answer and speak to the man he was thinking of in not the most appropriate way or completely ignore the call in hopes of forgetting everything that happened. Now Jinyoung doesn’t make stupid decisions, he prides himself of always thinking before he speaks and reflects on his actions before he does them. He’s the logical one, after all. But when he found his hand reaching out and pressing the answer button, it only took him seconds to realize he just made a very stupid decision. 

“H-hello?”

“ _Hey, Jinyoungie!_ ” Came his peppy voice, full of joy and all things happiness. 

“Hi. Sorry I couldn’t answer right away I was...” he trailed off, thinking of a quick excuse to tell him that doesn’t involve Jinyoung spilling his actions that he’s starting to regret, “...making lunch.” 

There was a snort of amusement on the other side. “ _You know it’s five in the evening, right?_ ”

It was Jinyoung’s turn to scoff. Of course he knew that, he didn’t lose track of time in his state of boredom and think it was early afternoon. No, he didn’t do that at all. 

“Yes, I’m aware of that.” He surprised himself with how stable his voice was. Not a single voice crack yet, very impressive. “What’s up?”

“ _I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner,_ ” his words came out dejected, almost disappointed, “ _but if you’re already eating then-_ “

“I’m not eating, I didn’t even make the rice yet.” He’s about to make another stupid decision, but in all honesty, he made the dumbest decision when he started falling for Jackson. “Where do you want to go?”

He could practically hear the smile in the Chinese man’s voice when he said, “ _There’s a new barbecue joint not too far away from your place._ ”

“You were just at the gym and now you want to gain back all those calories?” His tone was playful.

“ _I can do what I want and what I want is to take you out to eat. Calories be damned._ ” 

They shared a laugh but it soon died down as Jinyoung mulled over the thought of going out with Jackson. He can’t go through what happened back in the hotel room, he can’t feel mortified once again because he can’t keep it in his pants. He’s already red to the bone because of what just happened not even five minutes ago, embarrassment burning him to the core just being on the phone with the man. It’s a bad idea to face him right now. He’s going to do something he’s going to regret, he knows it. 

“ _So, what do you say? It’s my treat._ ” Hopefulness in his voice is what made Jinyoung break. He’s never been able to say no to him. 

“Meet me there in twenty.”

* * *

Jinyoung said to meet him in twenty minutes, but Jackson was there in fifteen. 

After he got home from the gym he called the younger in hopes of spending time together before his flight to China tomorrow morning. He wanted to at least spend a couple of hours with him, make up for the few days they haven’t seen each other. That and the new barbecue restaurant seemed really promising so Jackson was killing two birds with one stone. 

Once he took what was probably the fastest shower of his life, he got dressed, then speed-walked back to his car. The drive to the restaurant seemed longer than he thought it would be, or maybe it was because he wanted to see Jinyoung as soon as possible. 

The last time they talked was short, not even lasting a full ten minutes due to Jackson needing to get back to a magazine shoot. He cursed their timing when he realized Jinyoung was planning on talking to him for hours, making his heart clench when Jackson had to reluctantly apologize then hang up. His mood was sour for the remaining time, resulting in him having to cut the photo shoot short. He couldn’t concentrate when he knew Jinyoung was probably thinking he had no time for him. So this time he’s giving the singer his full, undivided attention.

When Jackson finally made it to the correct street, he parked his car on the side then went into the restaurant. He entered and was bombarded in heavenly smells from meat sizzling on the grill to hotpot boiling and alcohol being poured. A waitress asked him if he was alone with a big smile on her face. She was fairly young, maybe a couple of years younger than Jackson and pretty (not as pretty as Jinyoung, however). When he said table for two the waitress’ smile wavered but she steered him to one of the open tables in the back, far away from the crowds. 

It only took a matter of seconds of Jackson looking at the menu for a body to slide in the chair across from him. Jackson’s heart leaped at the sight of Jinyoung, looking as gorgeous as ever in a simple white t-shirt with a blue flannel. His hair was still damp, curling at the ends and falling over his eyes. They locked gazes and Jackson swooned. 

“Sorry for being late,” he said, an apologetic smile on his face. 

“You aren’t late, you’re early.” 

“But you were waiting,” he picked up the menu and started looking over the choices. 

“I waited for less than twenty seconds before you got here.” Jackson also scanned the menu, looking for something to distract himself from staring at the boy in front of him. “You don’t have to apologize for anything.” 

“I still made you wait. I, uh, took a long shower.” There was a pink tint to his cheeks when he glanced up at the elder.

“Jinyoungie, it’s fine.” His fingers were tapping against the wooden table. Jackson put down the menu then grabbed his hand, running his thumb over Jinyoung’s knuckles in soothing strokes. They made eye contact and Jackson could see the tension melt from him, his eyes turned softer and a small smile graced his lips. 

“Okay.” His smile turned bigger, making his eye whiskers appear. He looked at the menu again but not before interlocking his and Jackson’s fingers.

Jackson couldn’t help the grin from appearing on his face. He wanted this, to be able to comfortably sit with Jinyoung and be in each other’s presence. It made him feel lighter like he was a leaf gliding through the younger’s breeze, taking him up into the clouds to swim in the sky, peacefully and full heartedly. 

He’s missed him, more than he let on. It hurt to know they were in the same city but couldn’t even call each other due to Jackson’s hectic schedule. When he’s not at an interview he’s doing a photo shoot, when he’s not working on songs he’s helping his staff with music video productions. He can barely find time to eat a proper meal let alone call Jinyoung. Today was one of his rare days off so he spent it sleeping in until noon then lazed around until he grew restless and went to the gym. 

He felt like he hasn’t updated the fans on his workouts so he filmed a video of himself lifting weights, uploading it to social media and watching his notifications blow up. He scrolled through the encouraging comments, laughing at some of the thirst ones, then felt his breath hitch at Jinyoung’s name amongst the many that liked the video. Within seconds Jackson’s mind was filled with Jinyoung, thinking of him at home, probably cleaning his house like the neat freak he is or out with Jaebeom and Youngjae. Those three have been spending a lot of time together, and although Jackson finds it cute when Jinyoung and Jaebeom baby Youngjae, he can’t help but feel a twinge of sadness whenever the younger main vocal posts pictures of the three of them having fun. 

Maybe that’s why Jackson called Jinyoung moments after exiting the gym. He sat in his room, debating if asking him to hang out was him just being clingy. Jinyoung’s probably being productive and working on his own schedules, not having much time to text back the group chat or call Jackson to check up on him. He used to do that weekly, every time they were on long breaks. It started when Jackson began his solo career, he knew he worried Jinyoung and couldn’t update him regularly so the younger took it into his own hands to call. This all happened before the _hotel incident,_  but now Jinyoung’s calls fluctuate, going from a few days apart to not calling at all. To say it stung was an understatement, it hurt more than Yugyeom’s slaps to his ass. Jackson used to look forward to his calls, but hung his lip when days passed by and there was still no picture of Jinyoung, annoyed but still radiating charm with the contact name ‘Park Gae’ flashing on his phone screen.

So when his fingers took a mind of their own and dialed Jinyoung’s number from memory, he held his breath. It rang twice. Three times, four times. By the fifth ring, Jackson was going to give up, thinking Jinyoung must be busy but had a sliver of time to browse social media and so happened to like his video. Right when he’s going to end the call, the singer picked up, his voice low and stuttering. When Jinyoung agreed to go out with him, the energetic “Yes!” echoed throughout his room when they hung up. 

And now, with Jinyoung’s hand in his, about to have a lovely dinner while watching the ever-changing sky as the sun began its descent, Jackson couldn’t be happier. 

Their waitress, the same one that took Jackson to the table, came back to ask for their drink orders. Jackson asked for water while Jinyoung wanted a coke. The elder noticed how the waitress would let her eyes linger on Jinyoung for more than necessary before zoning in on their joined hands. She scrunched her nose, then said she’ll be back with their drinks. 

“What looks good?” Asked the younger, scanning the menu once again. At one point he complained it was getting hot and ditched the flannel, leaving him in his fitted shirt. When he did, Jackson took notice was the silver bracelet on his wrist. “I’m feeling pork belly, but the bulgogi sounds good too.” 

“Order whatever you want, I told you,” Jinyoung glanced up at him, “it’s my treat.” 

The raven-haired man narrowed his eyes. “What are you playing at?”

Jackson gasped dramatically then released Jinyoung’s hand to clutch his chest in mock surprise. “What are you talking about? Can’t I just take out my friend, who I missed so dearly, to dinner without having an alternative motive?” 

Jinyoung giggled, placing his chin in his hand to stare at the rapper with shining eyes. Jackson gulped. “Enlighten me, Wang.” 

He instantly dropped the facade. “Okay, I forgot to eat lunch and wanted barbecue but I didn’t want to look like a loner if I ate alone. But I really did miss you,” he quickly added, not missing how the vocalist’s eyes crinkles returned. 

“I’m glad you called though. I was...” he trailed off, moving to scratch at his nape and avoided eye contact. The pink was back on his cheeks. “I was thinking of you. A lot, actually.” 

Jackson’s heart soared. He ran a hand through his hair, trying not to seem too eager. “I missed you too. More than you think.” 

Jinyoung cocked his head to the side, a confused look on his face. Before he could ask what that meant, their waitress returned with the drinks, asking if they’re ready for food. 

“This is our first time here,” Jinyoung began, looking up at her with his big brown eyes, “what do you recommend?” 

She flashed him a million-watt smile. “Everything here is delicious, anything you order won’t disappoint. But if you want a full stomach, I suggest the...” She leaned down so their faces were almost aligned as she pointed to items on the menu. Her hair kept getting in her way so she gathered it and pushed it to the other side of her head, exposing her neck to the oblivious man before her. The rapper didn’t miss how Jinyoung glanced at her from time to time. 

Jackson’s leg began bouncing under the table. He didn’t like the way the waitress was leaning closer to Jinyoung, allowing him to smell her overly fruity perfume and overtake his personal space. Jackson _especially_ didn’t like it when she grazed his arm while pointing to the seasonings. That can’t be professional. 

“This special is the houses favorite, but it’s a bit on the expensive side. It comes with extra sides if you want more protein.” She straightened up, then said in a sweet voice. “I can tell someone who works out like you do would like more vegetables.” 

Jackson scoffed, but it went unnoticed by the waitress and the other man. He slouched lower in his seat, bringing his hand up to his mouth to nibble at his nails. His annoyance was growing bigger by the second as he watched the girl openly flirt with Jinyoung. She looked at him like he was her next pray, an unsuspecting gazelle caught in a lions trap. 

“I think we can cover it,” he said, completely ignoring the comment she just made, “right, Seun-ah?”

The Chinese man grinned at the nickname. He missed it. “Of course, anything for you.” 

Jinyoung looked back at the girl, who was now adjusting her worktop. Jinyoung, being the perfect gentleman he is, ignored how she ever so slightly pushed up her chest. “We’ll have that special, then. Thank you.” 

He handed back both their menus, then took a sip of his soda, all while not leaving the waitresses to gaze. She smiled at him again, her eyes sparkling. 

“You’re order will be right out. Let me go get the sides for you and your,” she eyed Jackson, giving him a once over and making something dark boil in his stomach, “friend.” She left their table with a hop in her step and sway of her hips. 

“You’re sulking,” came Jinyoung’s voice full of amusement. 

“Am not.” Yes, he was. 

Jinyoung snorted before taking another sip of coke, acting nonchalant. “She’s pretty.” 

“Not as pretty as you.” Jackson’s eyes bored into the younger, making him put down his drink.

“Thank you for the compliment, but I’m not pretty.” 

Jackson straightened up in his chair with a frown on his face. He’s kidding, right? Park Jinyoung is probably the most beautiful specimen Jackson’s ever seen with his silky soft hair, perfect nose, and plump lips. His smile is mesmerizing and his laugh sounds like music, the most soothing melody the brunette’s ever heard. He better not be on one of his self-aversions again or else they’re going to have a long chat. 

Jackson’s stare intensified, making Jinyoung break eye contact. “Yes, you are. You’re pretty, handsome, gorgeous, sexy-“

“Jackson.” His hand was over his mouth, covering the blush that crept up his cheeks to his ears. “Stop it.” 

“Why? You should be called handsome every day, every second of your life.” He leaned over the table, snatching the hand over his mouth to interlace their fingers once again. “If I have to be the person to tell you that then I sure as hell will.” 

Jinyoung didn’t say anything. He was stunned at his words and something in Jackson was glad. He’s known of Jinyoung’s insecurities about his body for far too long, almost as long as Jackson’s had his own. He’d happily shout how amazingly perfect Jinyoung is at the top of his lungs, for everyone to hear. Maybe he’d sneak in a confession if he wasn’t so chicken to do so. 

The younger looked at their linked hands before bringing his other limb to join his first. He played with Jackson’s fingers, rubbing his knuckles and rolling the digits between his own. He kept loosening one of his rings, wiggling it then pushing it back in place. Jinyoung then turned over his hand and stroked the rapper’s palm. It tickled the soft skin, how he ran a thumb over his calluses, gained from years of wielding a sword, relaxed him. It wasn’t until Jinyoung caressed the pale scar by his thumb did he speak up again. 

“Your hand healed nicely. You can barely see the scar.” 

“I changed the bandages and applied medicine regularly. Like you said so.” They kept giving each other shy glances, not fully making eye contact but not avoiding it either. “Boytoy helped me wrap it sometimes.” 

“He dotes on you like your mother does.” 

“I think he’s worse than my mom and Jaebeom combined.” 

They shared a laugh then Jinyoung retracted one of his hands to lean his head on again. Jackson did the same thing while keeping their other hands interlocked. They stared at each other, brown looking into brown. Jackson’s eyes raked over Jinyoung’s features, taking in every small detail to the pimple on his forehead to the small birthmark on his lip. Jackson’s always loved that birthmark.

“You’re staring at me again.” Came his voice, soft and lazy. 

“I just want to remember this. To remember you.” He squeezed the other’s hand. “I don’t know when I can be with you again.” 

Something in his words made Jinyoung clench his teeth, his jaw turned taunt. A muscle by his mouth twitched. “Are you leaving again?”

Jinyoung’s tone, one of slight sadness, sounded small, like a child’s. Jackson’s stomach twisted. “I have an early flight to China tomorrow. I’m shooting something for a variety show. I should be back next week.” 

“I have to wait a full week to see you again?” Jinyoung dryly chuckled and something in Jackson cracked. “It was hard just going a few days without hearing your voice.”

Jinyoung seemed sad, disappointed almost, with knowing they’ll be apart again. It hurt to know the younger thought of him just as much as Jackson’s mind was occupied with him, but none of them decided to do anything about it. Jackson felt the longing that radiated off of Jinyoung the second he took a seat. He saw the look in his eye when the Chinese man said he’ll be back next week like that was too long of a wait. Jackson knows Jinyoung doesn’t like waiting for things he wants. It took a second for him to realize it, but Jinyoung wants the elder. He doesn’t know in what way, but as long as the black-haired man wants to keep him around, Jackson can live with it.

The rocks on Jackson’s chest threw him off balance again. The side full of doubts swung back and forth, alternating between confessing right here to holding everything back in fear of being wrong. The other rock, the one filled to the brim with fear of being rejected, grew heavy, but then lightened, like it couldn’t make up its mind, like Jackson himself. 

It was on impulse, completely unthought of, but the next moment, Jackson’s hand that wasn’t interlaced with Jinyoung’s own was reaching across the table. The brunette pushed back the younger’s bangs, away from his eyes then cupped his cheek. Jackson stroked the soft skin under his eye, relishing in the way Jinyoung melted into the touch.

“I may not be with you physically,” Jackson then looked down at their joined hands, letting go of his limb to run his fingers over the silver bracelet donning his wrist, “but I’m always with you.” 

Their eyes met but only for a moment, it was brief just mere seconds of gazing at each other for Jackson to finally make up his mind. The words Jaebeom told him while sitting at the shopping centers fountain rung in his ears, clear as day. 

_Jinyoung may not show it correctly, but he likes you. He loves you, Jackson, he always has._  

Jackson pulled his hand back, chest bubbling at the small pout Jinyoung wore. Is it healthy for his heart to beat this fast? It revved up like a race car, waiting for the green light to signal its chance to go. Jackson has been waiting for his own green light for what seems like forever, but now it finally presented itself. It may not be directly above him, but it’s in the distance, slowly but surely getting closer to the right time for that race car to speed off. 

Their waitress returned with a tray full of side sauces, seasonings, and wraps. Her eyes landed on their joined hands once again and Jackson saw the flash of annoyance in her eyes. She’s not the only one annoyed. 

“The meat will be right out, do you want anything else while you wait?” She was mostly talking to Jinyoung but Jackson didn’t care. Jinyoung was mostly looking at Jackson anyway.

The elder shook his head in a no when the raven-haired man nodded to him. The waitress slightly bowed and was about to walk back to the kitchen when she stopped herself. She faced Jinyoung once again, making the singer raise an eyebrow. 

“I’m sorry, but you look very familiar. Do you live around here?”

The idol duo shared a look, silently praying she doesn’t recognize either of them (thankfully she hasn’t given Jackson the time of day) before Jinyoung answered. 

“I do, actually. A few streets down. You’ve probably seen me on my evening runs.” His voice came out smooth, unwavering at the dark eyes staring at him. 

She shook her head then cocked her hip to the side, indicating she’s not leaving anytime soon. “I don’t think that’s it. Are you a model? I could’ve sworn I’ve seen you somewhere else. I know I would remember a face as handsome as yours.” Her voice was honey-sweet, dripping with charm and confidence. 

Jackson’s had to hold back the laugh that threatened to break through his lips. Is that all she’s got? Jaebeom could come up with better pickup lines than that. Jackson didn’t notice it, but his leg was bouncing again, faster this time, more jittery. Jinyoung probably felt the vibrations from under the table because he began rubbing Jackson’s hand again in an attempt to calm him down. It wasn’t working, however, because the girl was still here. 

“No, I’m not a model. Just the guy who sings to loudly while running down the street.” He gave her a small grin when she giggled. Well to her it was a giggle, to Jackson it sounded like a choking cat. 

“Wow, you’re handsome, funny, and you can sing. I’m surprised companies haven’t scouted you yet. You look like you belong on stage.” She pushed back a stray strand of hair behind her ear, trying to put on a shy front when Jinyoung chuckled. She should sign up for acting classes.

“Thank you, I get that a lot.” 

“You know, this place has weekly karaoke nights. You should come by one night and sing for me.” She batted her eyelashes while giving Jinyoung a coy smile. 

Jackson growled low in his throat at her choice of words. He’s starting to get more aggravated with this waitress practically throwing herself at the younger. If Jinyoung is going to be singing for anyone it’ll be to Jackson and Jackson only. His frown deepened the more her voice oozed flirty comments and mock innocence. 

Jackson narrowed his eyes at the way she stepped a bit closer to their table, turning her back to the rapper and fully facing Jinyoung. He couldn’t take the polite grins the younger gave her and the way her hand was on the table, a little too close to his arm so Jackson finally spoke up. 

“Excuse me, could I get another water?” 

The waitress slowly turned around, smile as fake as her personality, and eyed the still full glass next to Jackson and Jinyoung’s still interlaced hands. She seemed to glare at their hands then said, “Of course, sir. I’ll also get another soda.” She reached for Jinyoung’s half empty cup, shoving her chest with more open buttons than Jackson remembered, into the singer’s line of sight then disappeared. 

“She’s really working for her tips, huh?” Jacked asked, the frown still on his lips. 

Jinyoung let out a short giggle but soon gave the elder a stern look. “Seunnie, be nice.” 

Jackson’s lips twitched again. He _really_ doesn't like that waitress. He doesn’t care if she’s just flirting to get bigger tips, Jackson isn’t going to give more than what she deserves: knowing Jinyoung is off limits. The rapper pulled back his hand from the younger and stood up, bringing his chair with him. He shuffled over to Jinyoung’s side making him move over, placed his chair right next to the singer and plopped himself down. Jackson lazily draped his arm behind Jinyoung’s chair, shooting him a charismatic smile as his fingers grazed over his shoulder. 

“Hi there,” they were pretty close, practically breathing the same air, “come here often?” 

Jinyoung scoffed, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth as his eye whiskers popped out. He giggled, maybe a bit too much, a bit too loudly, but Jackson didn’t care. As long as he’s the reason Jinyoung’s smiling, he could care less about anything else. 

The waitress came back a few moments later to drop off their drinks. Her gaze trailed from Jackson’s hand that moved from Jinyoung’s shoulder to his nape then to how the singer was absentmindedly drawing circles on Jackson’s thigh. She said something about how she’ll get their meats, but the brunette wasn’t paying attention. 

“Did you dye your hair? It’s darker than last time.” Jackson tucked a stray piece back in place. 

“Yes, last week. It was a mess, I couldn’t see the back of my head so when I tried to reach it the bottle slipped and spilled all over my floor.” 

The laugh Jackson emitted earned himself a pinch to the thigh and a slight glare. Jinyoung looked cute when he tried to seem menacing.

“It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny.” That got him another pinch. 

Seconds later the waitress returned with trays of meat and chicken. Jackson didn’t waste any time, he began laying a few strips of meat on the grill, bouncing in his seat in excitement. Jinyoung began mixing sauces and getting the lettuce wraps ready, occasionally glancing over to the sizzling pork. The smells hit both of them, making Jackson’s stomach growl and Jinyoung to emit a sound nothing short of a groan. 

“God, that smells amazing,” he drawled, licking his lips in anticipation. “I haven’t eaten all day.” 

Jackson snapped himself out of replaying the sound he made in his head to focus on the fact that he didn’t eat. “What? Nothing?”

“I had a banana for breakfast, but that’s about it. I just forgot.” 

“Nope, that’s unacceptable. You’re eating until I have to roll you outta here.” Jackson scooped up the grilled meat and piled it high on Jinyoung’s plate, leaving the grill and his own plate empty. 

“You said you didn’t eat either, don’t make it a big deal.” He began making the wraps, tucking the lettuce neatly into folds before offering Jackson the first bite. The elder shook his head and only relaxed when Jinyoung rolled his eyes, bringing the wrap to his own mouth and taking a huge chomp. 

“I’m not making it a big deal, I’m just worried about you.” He added more meat to the grill, mouth watering at the marinated beef before a lettuce wrap was stuffed in his mouth. He grinned around the food, sending Jinyoung a nod in thanks. 

“I should be the one worried about you. You barely get a wink of sleep.” Jinyoung reached out to turn Jackson’s head towards him, stroking the eye bags that seemed to worsen over the past few weeks. He pinched Jackson’s stuffed cheek before going back to his food. “Take care of yourself, Seun-ah.”

The Chinese man felt light, like the rocks on his chest began to shrink. The more he kept looking at Jinyoung, the more they started to resemble pebbles. If Jackson is reading between the lines, playing his cards right, then he could possibly get those rocks to disappear sooner than he expected. 

Their waitress came back every so often to check up on them, well mostly check up on Jinyoung, she didn’t care about Jackson and he’s fine with that. They continued their meal in comfortable conversations, stuffing their mouths with more meat then they could hold and having a good time. Jackson cracked jokes that had Jinyoung giggling behind his hand, while the younger, despite him not knowing what he’s doing, was testing Jackson’s self-control. 

The elder made a lettuce wrap, a pretty damn good one too, filled with meat and vegetables, sprinkled with seasoning and dipped in a sauce that he didn’t know what contained but it was good nonetheless. Jackson presented the food to his friend, proud of his creation, and told Jinyoung to take a bite. What he didn’t expect was the younger to fit it in his mouth whole. He grazed Jackson’s fingers with his lips, sending a thrill down his spine at the contact. He ate it all, cheeks protruding out like a chipmunk, with a bit of sauce on at the corner of his mouth. When he swallowed, he licked his lips of any evidence of the wrap, catching the brown sauce and making Jackson remember to breath. The elder almost burnt the rest of the meat that was cooking. 

They finished their meal soon after their second helping of chicken. Jackson slouched in his chair, hand rubbing his full stomach, head lolled to the side, and a leg lazily thrown over Jinyoung’s thigh. The younger man was finishing his drink when the waitress came back to clear off their table, once again completely oblivious to how Jinyoung isn’t interested in her. 

“Did you enjoy your meal?” She asked, eyes trained on the raven haired man. 

“Yeah, it was awesome,” said Jackson, taking the liberty to answer for him so he could drink his coke in peace. It’s what friends are for. 

“Ah, I see.” She gathered all their dishes, then gave the elder a smile that seemed more like a grimace. “I’ll be right back with your bill.” 

“She should know by now that with all her flirting she isn’t getting anywhere,” mumbled the brunette when she left. 

Jinyoung snorted. “As you said, she’s working for her tips.” He patted Jackson’s leg to make him up straighten, then stood from the table, saying how he needed to use the restroom. 

Jackson sat at the empty table, drumming his fingers against the wood while his other hand slipped into his pants pocket. He took out his strawberry lip balm and started applying it when a piece of paper was dropped in front of him. He glanced up to the waitress, giving her a confused look, then to the paper. There was the bill and scribbled in the corner in neat handwriting, was what Jackson assumed to be her number. 

“Give that to your friend, will you? He’s awfully cute and I’d hate to let a customer like him slip away.” She began wiping down the table but not doing a very good job at it, she’s just stalling until Jinyoung gets back. 

Jackson had to hold himself back from lashing out, his blood boiled as he realized she won’t give up. This girl has the nerve to blatantly flirt with the younger idol, shamelessly throwing herself at him when Jackson’s been doing that since they entered the restaurant. 

“Sorry, but I can’t do that.” Jackson capped his lip balm then stood from his seat. He didn’t tower over the girl, but he had a few inches on her so she had to slightly look up. “Jinyoung is currently unavailable.”

“Really?” She crossed arms and raised her eyebrows, not buying anything Jackson’s putting down. “Does he have a girlfriend? Someone like him _can’t_ be single.”

“No, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He just-“

“Then there’s nothing really stopping him now, is there?” She gave him a cheeky grin, meaning she’s determined to get what she wants. 

However, she’s not getting what she wants. Jackson will make sure if it. 

“Hey, are you ready to go?” Asked Jinyoung when he returned, grabbing his flannel shirt and standing next to Jackson. His gaze turned to the girl, giving her a kind smile. “Thank you for the meal.”

She blushed as her eyes raked his full form. Jackson’s fist clenched in his pocket. “It’s not a problem,” she picked up the bill, handing it Jinyoung, “please, come again.” 

Before the younger could take the paper, Jackson intercepted, snatching it from her hand. He gave her a smile, making direct eye contact, then looped an arm around Jinyoung’s waist to pull him close. 

“We’ll definitely come back. Maybe next time you can treat me, right Jinyoungie?” 

Jackson’s next choice of action was partly because he couldn’t help himself while the other part was pure possessiveness. He’s been told time and time again that sharing is caring. It’s a good thing he’s never liked sharing, especially if it’s something he knows belongs to him. 

Jackson cupped the back of Jinyoung’s neck, holding him in place so he could lean in and place a kiss on his cheek. It was just a simple peck, not even lasting more than a second, but the electric shock that ran through both of them made it feel like a bolt of lightning. When Jackson pulled back, he could see his lip balm shine on the younger’s cheek, the glare from the overhead lights made his lip print glisten. 

Jackson faced the waitress who stood dumbfounded. Her eyes were wide open, the size of quarters, while her mouth was slightly agape. Jackson had to hold back the triumphant smirk threatening to break free. 

“Thank you for the meal,” he said, tightening his hold on the younger man. 

Jackson turned around, leading Jinyoung towards the register to pay for the bill, leaving the girl red in the face and confused. When Jackson glanced up at his friend, he wore the same expression.

* * *

The closer they got to Jinyoung’s door the more he wants to sprint inside his apartment and crawl under his sheets to scream. 

Jinyoung feels like he’s back on that roller coaster but instead of plunging downwards he’s thrown off and is spiraling in the air. He’s free-falling, plummeting to the ground, bracing himself for impact but it doesn’t come. Jinyoung wishes he’d land safely on green grass but he’s heading straight for a pool of mud instead. 

Jinyoung thought dinner would be a shit-show, but it was amazing. Jackson made him laugh and smile and free. Throughout dinner, they joked around, held hands, openly flirted with each other and just basked in their energy. Jinyoung hasn’t felt that good in days, he missed Jackson, so much that he had forgotten what it felt like to breathe easily. He was missing a piece of himself and didn’t feel full until he was with the rapper again. He’s in too deep that he can’t get out, even if he tried. 

Throughout their time spent together, Jinyoung knew Jackson was getting irritated with the flirty waitress. He was getting a bit annoyed with her comments but he didn’t want to stop her if he’d get to see that dark look in Jackson’s eye again. Every time she’d say something in a sweet tone and Jinyoung would respond with smiles and charming words, he could see the elder scowl. He’d get a thrill anytime Jackson would give her a raised eyebrow with an aggravated look or hear his quiet growl when she’d step too close to him. But when he would slouch in his seat to subtly glare at her while doing the thing he does with his tongue to his cheek? That was hot and only thing Jinyoung will be thinking about for days. 

It took a few minutes for Jinyoung to realize Jackson was mad that the singer wasn’t paying attention to him. His easily jealous and possessive side was coming out, throwing the younger into a loop that he didn’t know how to get out of. He enjoyed when Jackson held his hand in front of her. He liked it when Jackson moved seats so he could invade Jinyoung’s personal space. And he definitely found delight when Jackson would cling to him with a hand on his thigh, arm over his shoulder, any sort of contact. Jinyoung loved it all. 

What he didn’t love, however, was when he finally got Jackson to kiss him. 

Jinyoung knew Jackson was going to do something similar to his actions at the convenience store, maybe grope him again or smooth a hand in his back pocket (he’s done that a lot but Jinyoung isn’t complaining). He didn’t expect Jackson to peck his cheek and completely shut down his whole brain. 

He stood there, mouth gaping, wide eyes and a red face, expression matching the stunned waitress. His face was on fire, starting from his burning cheek to the tips of his ears. He probably left his heart by their table when they exited the restaurant, leaving with Jackson’s arm wrapped around his waist and body heat seeping into his side. He didn’t speak because he knew his voice would waver, so he just nodded when the elder offered him a ride home. 

Once in the car, Jinyoung distracted himself with his phone, coming up with a half-assed excuse of needing to text his sisters. The car ride didn’t seem awkward from the way Jackson was humming along to the radio and making small talk. He seemed completely fine like he just didn’t kiss his friend and leave him speechless. Granted they’ve kissed each other’s cheek before, but Jinyoung didn’t have feelings for him back then so he brushed it off. Now it’s like a truck slammed into him, making him paralyzed from doing anything else besides nodding and saying yes or no. 

When Jackson finally pulled up to his apartment garage, the elder parked in a visitor stall and insisted he walk Jinyoung to his door. The gesture was sweet, but in all honesty, Jinyoung wanted to high tail it to his room and hide. The journey from the car to the elevator to his floor was a quiet one, the only sounds were their footsteps and the distant buzz of the air conditioner. As they neared Jinyoung’s apartment, the raven-haired man couldn’t shake the feeling of confusion. 

Jackson is possessive, it’s been established that he doesn’t like sharing but that doesn’t explain why he wouldn’t want to share Jinyoung. All the comments, the touches, him being attached to the younger’s hip for the remainder of dinner and the kiss, it doesn’t make sense. Jackson wouldn’t act like that unless he feels something for Jinyoung. He’s seen how Jackson was in his past relationships, when he first arrived in Korea he dated for two years and was so overprotective of his partner that he wouldn’t let them go anywhere without him. He’d always have some sort of contact with them be it hand holding or an arm slung around their person. The Jackson now is acting like the Jackson then and it’s throwing Jinyoung off. 

He wants to believe that the elder feels something, anything, but he confirmed his thoughts weeks ago when Jackson said he sees Jinyoung as only a friend. Besides, Jinyoung stopped his chasing. This marathon he’s been running came to a close with Jackson as the prize that he’ll never receive. The Korean man wants to accept his forfeit, but the voice that sounds distinctly like Jaebeom is telling him to keep running. 

They finally made it to the door, both of them standing outside the white wooden entrance, keypad blinking up at them, waiting for Jinyoung to enter. He turned around to face Jackson but was enveloped in a warm hug before he could even get a word out. Immediately Jinyoung wrapped his arms around the elder, sighing and leaning his head on his shoulder, face in the crook of Jackson’s neck. He smelled like body spray and smoke with a hint of meat. Jinyoung liked it. 

“Thank you for dinner,” he said, nuzzling farther into Jackson’s neck. His nose tickled the skin of his throat, making the elder squirm. 

“Thank you for accepting my offer. You saved me from a boring dinner with myself.” He squeezed the singer once more before pulling back, leaving Jinyoung cold. “I wouldn’t want to spend my evening with anyone else.”

Jinyoung playfully scoffed. “Liar. You’ve been wanting to hang out with Jooheon for months now.” 

“Ah, but you see, Jinyoungie,” Jackson stepped closer, making the younger’s back hit the door with a soft thud, “Jooheon doesn’t make me feel what you make me feel.” 

His breath hitched. They weren’t touching, but Jackson was close enough so if Jinyoung wanted too he could bring their chests together. He swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling determination but also fear race through his veins. He wanted to know how he made Jackson feel, the sliver of hope in his chest was praying the feeling was mutual.

“And that is?” His eyes flickered to Jackson’s lips, watching him say-

“Alive.” 

The world stopped, but Jinyoung’s mind raced a mile a minute. His breathing was shallow as he watched Jackson’s eyes search his own. Their faces are close, the younger could smell the breath mint he ate in the car, a strong peppermint to contrast with his cologne. It made Jinyoung dizzy, he wasn’t thinking straight. The close proximity was getting to him and making the singer want to slam their lips together. But instead of smoothly getting out of the situation, he pushed Jackson away with a laugh to cover his inner turmoil. 

“The waitress isn’t here, you don’t have to keep using cheesy pickup lines.”

He covered his mouth, turning to the side to hide the pending blush wanting to break free. When he turned, he also missed the dejected look Jackson wore but it was soon covered up by his own laughter. 

“Don’t get me started on her. She was more annoying than Coco’s barking,” the elder groaned. 

“You’re still angry at her?” 

“She ate my plant, Jinyoungie. She’s an adorable, fluffy murderer.” 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, his small grin still present but it soon wavered when he asked, “Is that why you were clingy? Because you didn’t like the waitress?” 

Jackson glanced up at him but then found interest in the patterned carpet. “Maybe,” he mumbled, voice small.

“Seunnie.” 

Jackson groaned, face scrunching up in a cute scowl that looked more like a pout. “I missed you, alright? I didn’t want anyone to get in the middle of us. I just wanted it to be you and me. Not you, me, and a waitress who tried too hard to get into your pants.” 

Jinyoung snorted. Her efforts were useless and slightly cringy, he’ll admit that. The only person the singer wants in his pants is standing in front of him, fiddling with a loose thread on his shirt. 

“I just wanted you to focus on me, just me.” He glanced up at the younger, looking at him through his long eyelashes. “Like how I always focus on you.” 

Jinyoung finally stopped free-falling from his horrid roller coaster ride. He didn’t land in lush green grass like he wanted too or in a puddle of mud like he expected. Instead, he dropped down in a dune of sand, rough and dry but soft enough to where he didn’t break anything, a sort of in-between from the other two options. He doesn’t know what it meant, it just allowed Jinyoung to ground himself, to find his footing before he makes a decision to get back onto the ride. 

He’s always been terrible at making last-minute decisions. Maybe that’s why he jumped back onto the roller coaster and strapped himself in, tighter than before. 

“Oh.” Was all that came out of his mouth. Pretty intelligent, if you asked him. 

Jackson must’ve not agreed because this time Jinyoung saw the disappointment on his face, clear as day. His lips clamped shut along with his eyebrows, pinching together so his forehead wrinkled a bit. What really struck a chord in Jinyoung was how Jackson’s eyes drooped almost as much as the younger’s heart. 

The elder’s sad expression was replaced with a forced smile. He fidgeted in his spot, shifting his weight and scratching his nape before waving a nonchalant hand. 

“Yeah, I just didn’t like her messing with you. It’s no big deal, I promise.” He started to step backward with his eyes still on Jinyoung. “I should get going, I still need to pack for tomorrow and make a few more calls-“

Before he had time to mull over the idea, Jinyoung was grabbing Jackson’s hand, tugging him close so there was only a foot between them. He looked straight into the elder’s eyes, heart beating out of his chest, and said, “I don’t like sharing you either.” 

Jackson’s faces flushed red with confusion and surprise, but he responded in a stable voice, “I’m glad we’re on the same page. I was hoping her perfume didn’t get to your head.” 

“Her perfume made me gag but I didn’t want to be rude.” He grinned when Jackson snorted in amusement. 

Jackson looked down, making the younger do the same. Their hands were still in each other’s grasp, warm and comforting, the diamond bracelet dazzling under the lights. Jinyoung didn’t want to let go, he didn’t want Jackson to go. He didn’t want Jackson to leave him. He gripped the brunette’s hand a little tighter before locking eyes.

“Do you want to stay for coffee?” 

Jackson’s face erupted into a smile. Jinyoung might’ve swooned. “As long as you’re not making it. I don’t want salt in my coffee again.”

Jinyoung released his hand then lightly shoved back his friend, grin stretching into a smile. “Don’t go pointing fingers at me, Yugyeom was supposed to drink it!” 

“You didn’t stop me!” 

Jinyoung scoffed then turned around, punching in the passcode to his apartment. “Forget it, the offer has been revoked.” 

Jinyoung unlocked his door but before he could open it, a pair of strong arms wrapped around his middle, holding him tight against a warm chest. The younger froze in his spot as Jackson nuzzled his neck, causing goosebumps to break out over his skin. The rapper stepped closer so their bodies were flush together, leaving no room to maneuver if Jinyoung wanted too. Good thing he didn’t want too. 

“I’d love to have coffee with you,” came Jackson’s velvet voice in his ear. 

Jinyoung had to remind himself to breathe, feeling an almost violent thrill race through him. His toes curled when Jackson spoke, his deep and raspy voice sounding like music to the singer’s ears. Jinyoung’s knees almost buckled when the elder nosed his neck, ghosting his breath over his veins, and making the singer tilt his head to the side, exposing more of his throat. Before he noticed it, a hand found its way to Jackson’s own neck, holding him in place, scratching at the soft hair. Jinyoung felt the elder’s breathing tremble as a small hum rumbled through his chest. Jinyoung closed his eyes, relishing in the way Jackson felt behind him, warmth traveling from his cheeks to flush at his chest. His hand slowly trailed from Jackson’s nape to glide over one of his veins, feeling his pulse jump. 

He knew he had some sort of effect on Jackson, but now he’s starting to realize that it’s almost as strong as the pull he has on the raven haired man. It’s not as surprising when he looks back on it. Their moment in the hotel room almost a month ago can vouch for the fact that Jackson is weak for the younger man. Jinyoung could breathe in his direction and Jackson is at his feet, willing to do anything for him. Game or not, the elder can’t help but lose his cool when around Jinyoung. 

Jinyoung knew it before he even decided, but it seems like his marathon isn’t finished yet. He’s putting on his running shoes again, determined to get his prize. 

The vocalist dropped his hand from Jackson’s neck to push his apartment door open. The rapper felt his movement so he released the singer, allowing him to step over the threshold into the little hallway where his shoe rack stood. Jinyoung noticed Jackson didn’t follow him inside, he was still standing by the entrance. He turned and walked back to him, eyebrow raised. 

“What are you waiting for?” 

Jackson shrugged, eyes lingering on Jinyoung’s form for a bit too long. “Does the offer for coffee still stand?” 

Jinyoung chuckled as he rolled his eyes. He didn’t answer the question, he reached out and fisted Jackson’s shirt, catching him a bit off guard as he pulled the man inside. He might’ve been a bit too forceful because Jackson slightly tripped his way indoors, but Jinyoung’s hand on his chest saved him from falling.

“For you, it definitely does.” 

The singer smoothed his hand over the wrinkles in Jackson’s shirt, running his hand over his chest and down his abdomen, feeling the elder’s muscles twitch. He wanted to smirk, to show at least some kind of triumphant sign over Jackson’s crumbling control, but he didn’t want to cause another hotel incident. They’re alone in Jinyoung’s apart, he doesn’t know what will happen if Jackson snaps again. 

Or maybe he wants to see what will happen.

He turned, toeing off his shoes and placing them on the rack, then walked into his apartment with Jackson trailing behind him. Jinyoung shrugged off his flannel shirt, tossing it carelessly onto his couch.

“Make yourself at home. I’ll get the coffee started,” he said, walking towards his kitchen as Jackson plopped himself on the sofa. 

“Go easy on the salt this time.” 

“I’ll put in an extra scoop, just for you!” The younger called out. 

Jackson chuckled as he reached for the TV remote, turning it on then flicking through the channels for anything good. He heard the sounds of mugs clinking together and cupboards closing shut before he decided on watching the evening news. He paid minimal attention to the weather forecast as his eyes scanned the room. Jinyoung rearranged his living room from the last time Jackson paid him a visit, making it seem more spacious. His large bookshelf was pushed to its own corner next to the window standing beside an armchair and a small table with a lamp, Jinyoung’s own reading nook. A few more chairs were added to the room, Jackson assumed for when the younger had guests over, and there were a couple of art pieces adorning the walls, adding a splash of color to the bright white. 

Jackson liked Jinyoung’s apartment, it simple and elegant, like him. His own home was the opposite of the younger’s, a darker shade for the walls, more couches then what he knows what to do with, and a pool table next to the window for evening games while admiring the blinking nightlife of Korea. His apartment could use some rearranging too, maybe Jinyoung could come over and help him. 

He eyes landed back on the TV but his mind was adrift, thinking of his schedule for the next week. A variety show shooting tomorrow, magazine photo shoots for the next two days then his remaining time will be spent in interviews and closing advertisement deals, maybe if he even has a sliver of time Jackson might visit his parents. It’s been a while since him and his mom spoke, he normally calls her just to hear her voice but his schedule in Korea is just as packed so he only calls her when he knows he has time. He needs his mom right about now, to get him through the stressful few weeks and maybe if he brings it up, she can help him with his Jinyoung problem. 

He knows it’s not a problem, just a crush, a huge crush that he doesn’t know how to handle. If he asks his mom for any advice or words of comfort then he’ll probably know what to do. It’s just going through with those actions is what’s stopping him. He’s a coward and he knows it, but if he can have Jinyoung as a friend in his life then risk having him as nothing and a broken heart, then he’s going with the latter. 

Jackson’s focus soon returned to the TV, only paying half a mind to the abundance of parking tickets being passed out, when a loud crash and a slew of curses flew out from the kitchen. The Chinese man sprung up from the couch and practically sprinted to the other room to find Jinyoung on the floor covered in coffee grounds and honey. The singer sat up with grounds in his hair and syrup dripping off his face. There was an empty coffee container off to the side along with a honey bottle still dripping nectar. 

Jackson didn’t want to let out the giggles bubbling up in his chest, but with the sight before him, he couldn’t help it. 

“Jackson it’s not funny!” Jinyoung yelled as he wiped honey from his eyes. “Help me up, asshole.”

The brunette was still giggling as he grabbed Jinyoung’s hand to haul him up, coffee spilling from his hair. “How’d you manage to do all that?” 

“I don’t know. I tried to reach for the container but Yugyeom put it on the top shelf last time he was here. Fucking brat,” Jinyoung mumbled, trying to comb the grounds out of his hair. There was honey seeping from his shirt, sticking to his skin and making him look like an oversized beehive. He shouldn’t look cute as he pouted while attempting to smear the honey off, but he does and Jackson can’t do anything else but fondly look at him. 

“I swear I’m going to kill him one day,” said the singer. “I don’t care if everyone loves him, he’s a pain in the ass.” 

“C’mon Jinyoungie, he didn’t mean too-“

“Yes, he did. You and I both know he did.” 

Jackson rolled his eyes. Jinyoung can be so overly dramatic, blaming their youngest brother for everything, but Jackson can’t be that mad at the maknae. He does have a tendency to get under Jinyoung’s skin even if he’s not in the room. From the looks of the top shelf, he can be the only one besides BamBam to even attempt to prank the raven haired man. 

The rapper went to the corner of the kitchen, stepping over the spilled grounds to grab a broom. “I’ll clean up here. You should...go...” Jackson trailed off when he turned around, mouth gaping open and eyes trained on the man in front of him. 

Jinyoung grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted the cloth over his head, making his toned abdomen taut and glistening with honey. The Korean man pulled the garment off completely, using the soiled shirt to wipe his face free of any grim. His back and shoulders flexed with every move, making Jackson’s throat go dry and mind completely blank. 

_Don’t get turned on. Don’t get turned on. Don’t get turned on._  

The younger man ran a hand down his chest, smoothing over his pectorals then down his torso. His skin was shining under the lights of the kitchen, slightly tan and free of any blemishes. Jackson’s eyes raked down his form, taking in the hard muscles and soft curves of his waist until he zeroed in on a birthmark on his hip. 

Fuck. He’s turned on. 

“I need a shower, I’ll be right back.” Jinyoung faced Jackson and he had to swallow down the low groan threatening to break free from his lips at the sight of chiseled abs and a defined v-line going down. “You don’t have to-“

“No,” Jackson’s voice came out raspy, he cleared his dry throat before continuing, “I got it. Just go get cleaned up.” He didn’t want to add the _before I pin you down and lick every inch of you_ bit he really wanted to say. That seems a little too straight forward. 

Jinyoung shot him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Seunnie.” 

The elder returned the grin but it soon disappeared when the Korean man threw his shirt over his shoulder and undid his belt. Jinyoung sauntered out of the kitchen, the sound of his zipper sliding down echoed in Jackson’s ears. 

Once the door to the bathroom closed, the Chinese man gripped the kitchen counter to catch his breath and reevaluate his life choices. Did he do anything bad? Maybe in a past life? He doesn’t deserve this sort of torture, he’s a good person, really. He respects everyone and even saved an injured bird from being eaten by a stray cat last week. Whatever Jackson did, he’s sorry, he doesn’t want to deal with this sort of torment. It’s taking every bit of self-control from ripping open the bathroom door and joining the young singer in the shower. 

He’d graze his hands over Jinyoung’s hard muscles, gripping his hips so he’d stay in place as Jackson washes him. He’d hold the younger, let the warm water run over his smooth skin. He’d push him up against the tiled wall of his shower, slam their lips together, bringing their groins together in a slick grind until- 

“ _Fuck,_ ” Jackson cursed when he felt his cock twitch. He looked down at the small tent in his black track pants and glared. He pointed to his hard-on then said, “You better calm down. I don’t need this shit right now.” 

He shook himself out of his Jinyoung induced trace (again) then began sweeping the coffee grounds. It didn’t take long to deal with the mess, he swept the grounds into a dustpan and wiped them off the counter then found a mop to scrub the spilled honey. Throughout his cleaning spree, Jackson tried to keep his mind away from a naked Jinyoung that was singing loudly in his shower, but it was useless. His thoughts would jump from him to him without clothes, then to Jackson actually jumping him. If he’s being honest, it’s very unhealthy. 

Ever since their time in the hotel the elder thought of Jinyoung on lonely nights, when the bed is cold and he misses him emotionally and physically. His thoughts have only strayed from less than pure a handful of times but each time Jackson found himself aroused so he had to distract himself with other things. He’s never gone has as far as touching himself while thinking of the singer, that’s a line he’s not going to cross, so events mostly lead up too late night cold showers, which Jackson is sick and tired of. 

Once he deemed the kitchen spotless, the Chinese man began searching for another container of coffee. He knows Jinyoung likes the specific brew that spilled all over him and is fairly disappointed in his loss, but maybe he’ll like the other dozen he has in his cupboard. Jackson chose a brew with a little note that read _From your sisters, with love_ written in neat handwriting. Jinyoung’s sisters wouldn’t give him something he doesn’t like, so going the simple route is always safe. 

Jackson powered on the coffee maker and was about to reach for the mugs when he froze in his spot. On top of the cup sat a huge cockroach, it’s hairy legs clinging to the rim of the mug as its antennae twitched. The brunette’s nerves skyrocketed, his limbs turned numb from fear while his senses heightened. Goosebumps erupted on his skin as he watched the bug crawl over both cups with alarming eyes. Jackson wanted to run but his feet turned to lead, unmoving from his spot by the counter. 

He fucking hates bugs. He knows they’re just chilling, minding their own business, but he despises them with a passion. All kinds of bugs, big, small, hairy, slimy, Jackson hates them all. He especially dislikes the flying kind, those little demons with wings can go to hell. 

After a few fearful seconds of staring at the cockroach, Jackson finally regained movement in his legs just in time to slowly step back from the counter when the insect started crawling towards him. He slowly shuffled backward, making his way to the other side of the room. Jackson was almost in the clear until the damn thing took flight and came straight towards him. 

Now Jackson didn’t scream, men don’t scream and he’s definitely a man, so he won’t admit that the shriek that resonated throughout the apartment came from him. 

Jackson turned around and bolted out of the kitchen, little sounds of terror escaping from his lips as he circled the living room. He stubbed his toe on the parlor table when he leaped over the couch and tripped over his own feet as he tried to get away from the bug. The menace was following him and Jackson thinks this is how he dies. 

It only took him a few seconds of running in circles to realize that the cockroach stopped its chase. He didn’t see it anywhere so he assumed it flew out of the window Jinyoung forgot the close. He leaned against a wall to catch his breath and calm his racing heart, goosebumps were still on his arms and his neck felt prickly. Jackson thought he was safe, the little devil was gone so he can finally return to making the coffee after he sterilizes the mugs, but then he felt something crawling on his shoulder. He turned rigged and prayed it was just a ghost haunting him, but when Jackson peeked down and saw the cockroach, that’s when he screamed. 

The rapper waved his arms in a frenzy, smacking his back against the wall before he reached for the hem of his shirt. Jackson stumbled into the hallway, his arms caught in his shirt sleeves as he tried to rip the damn thing off. He bounced throughout the hallway, bumping into walls and stubbing his toe _again_ before he got the top off and ran the opposite way. 

He wishes he ran the way he came through. Maybe if he did then he wouldn’t have slammed into Jinyoung, making them tumble down to the floor. 

Skin on skin. That’s what hit him first is the bare chest beneath his own and the moisture that still clung to it. Jackson laid on top of Jinyoung, his arms on either side of the younger’s head, torsos flush together, and his hips between Jinyoung’s legs. Jackson was frozen, face hovered above the singers with his arms wrapped tightly around the elder’s shoulders. They were sharing the same air, breathes coming out in hot puffs across each other’s faces as panicked eyes scanned the other. 

The next thing Jackson noticed was that Jinyoung was only wearing a towel. The Chinese man stiffened, his whole body grew tense as he finally took in his predicament right when both his mind and mouth shut down. The feeling of Jinyoung’s unclothed legs spread around Jackson’s hips, holding him in place, along with his still wet abdomen slick against Jackson’s own was beginning to get to his head. _Both_ heads. 

“Jackson?” Asked the younger man, voice strained. 

“Yes?” 

“Why are you running around my house without a shirt?” His face was flushed red and Jackson knew it wasn’t from the heat of the shower. 

The rapper cleared his throat, tried to get the lump out of his airway, before speaking. “There...um...was a bug,” he said, voice sounding far away from him. 

“Was that the scream I heard?” 

“...Yes.”

If Jackson wasn’t on top of him and Jinyoung had clothes on, he’d fight him when the first giggle escaped his lips. This little shit is making him feel double the embarrassment and Jackson doesn’t know how much he can take. His face probably resembles a ripe tomato right about now. 

“I almost died, Jinyoungie. My whole life flashed before my eyes.” The elder pinched Jinyoung’s cheeks, making him squirm away. 

“Yes, I’m sure the bug was poisonous and one bite would’ve been fatal. You poor baby.” He pouted while he spoke like one would to a toddler. 

Jackson’s self-control was crumbling the more his lips pursed together, making them look so inviting. He needs to remove himself from the situation, but there’s a big problem. If he moves then his boner will show and Jinyoung will be creeped out, resulting in them never talking again and a broken heart. Maybe Jackson’s overthinking, maybe not, but he knows he won’t be able to explain why he’s hard without telling the younger that he’s incredibly sexy and Jackson wants to fuck him right here in his hallway. 

Good thing the decision was made for him. 

“Jackson?” Jinyoung asked, eyes shining with mischief. 

“What?”

“Where’s the bug now?”

“I don’t know. It probably flew out the window.”

Jinyoung’s eyes left his own to peer at his head. “So that thing in your hair isn’t the bug?”

Jackson screamed for the third time that night, yells of horror being mixed in with Jinyoung’s gleeful laugh. The elder jumped up, the Korean man releasing his shoulder in the process, while hands flew to his hair to rake the locks before he registered Jinyoung cackling on the floor. Jackson’s rapid heartbeat slowed down (his boner miraculously disappeared also, the bug probably scared it off) as he looked down at a very loud, very _naked_ Jinyoung coughing up a lung. It only took half a second for the Chinese man to realize his friend was messing with him. 

“Fuck you, I’m leaving. I hope that bug is poisonous and it bites you in the ass.” Jackson dramatically turned around, picking up his shirt, then stormed out of the hallway. 

“Seun-ah!” Jinyoung followed him, a few laughs slipping from his lips as he leaned his shoulder on a wall, watching Jackson shake his shirt to make sure the creature was actually gone. “You’re really sensitive today, you know that?” 

“I know you’re an ass.” Jackson tried not to stare at the toned body in front of him, but since Jinyoung was staring right back he thought they were even. 

“If you keep looking at me I might have to charge you.” 

“I get to look for free, I took you out to dinner.” 

“You’ll need at least six more dates to get things free.” 

Jackson snorted, pulse jumping at the indication that they did go out on a date. “You sound like a prostitute.” 

It was Jinyoung’s turn to scoff. “Well, it looks like I have another career to consider.” 

“I’ll make sure to buy you out so one else can.” 

Jackson’s mouth moved faster than his brain so his choice of words weren't the best in his opinion. Tension flowed in his muscles, making him rigid and scared he overstepped a line in their bickering, but when Jinyoung laughed again, his shoulders relaxed. He didn’t bring his hand up to hide his smile this time. He didn’t know how to recover from his little blunder, but thankfully the coffee machine went off. 

“I’m gonna go get dressed. Can you put in-“

“One scoop of sugar and milk,” Jackson said when the younger rolled his eyes. “I know how you like your coffee.” 

Jinyoung chuckled again, pushing himself off the wall. “Watch it, Wang, if this is how one date ends I might have to marry you.” He walked into his room, leaving a bewildered Jackson standing in the middle of his living room. 

“Fuck, I love him,” mumbled the elder, putting on his shirt as he went into the kitchen. 

He made their drinks, making sure there were no more cockroach’s around, then made his way to Jinyoung’s room. He entered and was met with a bareback, muscles rippling under taut skin. Jackson’s mouth went dry at the sight, focus lost, making him stub his toe once again against the door frame. The Korean man turned around, arms halfway through a blue sweater and gave Jackson an amused look. 

“I hope you didn’t mix up the salt and sugar.” 

“I was tempted, not gonna lie.” The elder watched as Jinyoung slipped into the sweater, soft cotton gliding over smooth skin. The shirt was a few sizes too big, making him swim in it while the sleeves went past his fingertips. Jinyoung can go from breathtakingly sexy to out of this world adorable in less than five seconds, causing Jackson to experience whiplash. 

The elder handed him a mug of coffee, walking into his room then taking a seat on Jinyoung’s bed. The Korean man leaned back on his writing desk, taking a sip of the drink while eyeing Jackson. 

“My mom always warned me about having girls in my room. She didn’t tell me how to handle boys though.” 

Jackson grinned behind his mug. “Good thing I’m not a boy. I hope she warned you about handsome men with amazing hair.” 

“What are you talking about? I haven’t had Mark over in months.” 

“You know, your habit of insulting me but complimenting our friends is like a double sided sword.” 

Jinyoung giggled. Jackson might’ve swooned. “It’s one of my many talents.” 

They sat in comfortable silence, enjoying their warm drinks and basking in each other’s company. The setting sun blazed through the window blinds, the orange light casted a glow across Jinyoung’s face, making his brown eyes turn amber. Jackson doesn’t have enough fingers and toes put together to count how many times he’s lost himself in those beautiful irises. 

“When’s your flight?” Asked the younger, voice holding a hint of disappointment. 

“Seven tomorrow morning. I should get going soon, I didn’t finish packing.” This time the look of disappointment was clear on Jinyoung’s face. It shot a pang of hurt through Jackson’s chest. 

The look in Jinyoung’s eyes is what really caught Jackson off guard, there were flecks of determination and confidence swimming in the rich brown. He placed his coffee on his desk, then stalked over to take the brunette’s own and do the same. 

“What are you-“ The sentence died on his lips when Jinyoung sat next to him and pulled him down to the bed. Jackson instantly opened his arms so the younger man could burrow deep in his embrace, nuzzling his neck and turning on his side to drape over the rapper. 

His heart sped up, beating at an irregular pace as his mind kicked into overdrive. Jinyoung has been sending mixed signals since the restaurant, making Jackson think Jaebeom’s words are correct, but there’s still that doubt in his mind that whispers to him at night, telling Jackson that Jinyoung will never love him. Even now, when said man is curling up next to him, the little creature is there. 

_He doesn’t feel the same._ It taunted. 

Jinyoung threw an arm over Jackson’s torso. 

_He’s messing with you._ It jabbed.

Jinyoung scooted closer to him, face shoved into Jackson’s neck, as he tangled their legs together. 

_He only sees you as a friend, nothing more._  It mocked. 

“Jackson,” Jinyoung’s voice was like silk in his ear, making the rapper relax, “stop thinking and just hold me.” 

Jackson closed his eyes to focus on the steady heartbeat beside him, to smell his lavender shampoo, to feel the patch of skin where his hand laid on the singer’s hip. Jackson felt it all, the insecurity and worries Jinyoung has carried all this time. The younger’s own doubts he’s had about Jackson. 

_He’ll never love you._ The little creature jeered. 

Jackson turned over, arms wrapping around Jinyoung as tight as he could, holding him against his chest. He felt the smile on the Jinyoung’s lips when he snuggled closer, mouth pressing on his neck, almost like a kiss. 

  
_Shut the fuck up._ Jackson scolded, feeling the small demon disappear as his heart slowed down to a soothing rhythm, matching Jinyoung’s own.

* * *

The first thing Jinyoung noticed when he woke up was the moonlight shining in his room. The silver light crawled across his bedroom floor, casting everything in a white glow. 

The second thing he noticed was the warmth seeping into his back and the defined arms around his person. Oh and the snoring, the snoring was definitely the cause of him waking up. 

Jinyoung turned in Jackson’s arms to face the man, to take in his features basking in the moonlight and relish being so close to him. He doesn’t know when he’ll get another opportunity like this so he wants to cherish every moment. The singer brought a hand up to stroke Jackson’s cheek with his thumb, feeling the smooth skin under his fingertip. He made his way to the elder’s nose, thumb ghosting down the bridge to boop the top of it, giggling when Jackson scrunched his nose in his sleep. Jinyoung’s hand then trailed down to the rappers upper lip, feeling the prickly stubble on his Cupid’s bow.

“Jinyoungie,” mumbled Jackson, hand snatching Jinyoung’s own to hold against his chest, “that tickles.” 

The raven-haired man chuckled, loving the small pout on Jackson’s lips. He wanted to kiss it away but resisted. “You need to get up, it’s late and you need to get home.”

“Are you kicking me out? This isn’t how our date is supposed to end.” His voice was raspy and rough with sleep. He peeked an eye open to peer at Jinyoung but soon buried his head in the younger’s chest. 

Jinyoung’s heart fluttered at the mention of their date, he didn’t consider it one till it left his mouth during their mindless teasing. He probably subconsciously hoped it was a date and didn’t want to say anything in fear of being wrong, but when Jackson grinned when he put a label on their outing, it released the tension from the Korean man’s shoulders. 

Jinyoung tugged on Jackson’s shirt to (reluctantly) release him. He sat up then shook the elder’s shoulders with, coaxing him to slap the singer’s hands away.

“Jacks, get up. It’s,” Jinyoung glanced at his bedside clock, “half past nine. I don’t want you to miss your flight tomorrow.”

The groan Jackson emitted was teetering on a growl, but he still obeyed. He sat up with his eyes still closed and clothes rumpled from their nap. His hair was sticking up in the back and on the sides, Jinyoung ran a hand through his soft locks, trying to tame the wild nest. 

“You’re evil, you know,” said the brunette, eyes still closed as his head slumped forward. 

“How so?” Jinyoung stood from the bed and grabbed their forgotten coffee mugs. The drinks were already long cold. “Is it because I’m not letting you sleep?” 

Jackson shook his head then finally opened his eyes. The moonlight shone on him, casting a silver halo over his head, making him look like an angel. “It’s because you won’t cuddle with me.” 

_Shit, I love him._

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, heart beating a little too quick. “You’re such a baby.” 

“I am a baby.” Jackson held out his arms, making grabbing hands with a pout on his lips. “Hold me, asshole.” 

Jinyoung laughed at his antics, finding the whole thing extremely adorable. Even if he couldn’t see as well in the dark, he felt those puppy dog eyes burn his chest, making his resolve weaken. The singer sighed then put down the mugs, going to the edge of the bed where Jackson sat to stand in between his thighs. The rapper instantly looped his arms around Jinyoung’s waist, pulling him close to shove his face in the younger’s abdomen. Jinyoung cradled his head, running his fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp. Jackson nuzzled him once more before he stood up, dragging his body across Jinyoung’s own, the hold on his waist tightened when he straightened up. He held Jinyoung like he was afraid the younger would disappear if he opened his eyes.

The Korean man didn’t freeze like he normally would, he hugged Jackson tighter, wrapping his arms around the man’s shoulders and holding on like he was Jinyoung’s anchor. They embraced each other for a few more seconds before Jackson loosened his arms, Jinyoung pulled back a bit to peer at him. His eyes were droopy and there was a faint trail of drool in the corner of his mouth. His stubbled upper lip and chin were darker, he needed to shave soon. Jinyoung’s hand curled at the elder’s neck, stroking the soft hair at his nape. 

“Are you happy now? You got your cuddles.” 

A small grin graced Jackson’s features. “I guess, though I’d love it if we could go for a few more hours.” 

“Seun-ah, you still need to pack. I bet Boytoy is wondering where you are.” Jinyoung finally retracted from the warm body to snatch the mugs once again and exit his bedroom. He flipped a switch in his hallway, turning on his parlor lights then went into the kitchen. He washed the mugs and cleaned out his coffee maker, dumping the stale drink down the drain. By the time he made a new batch, Jackson was leaning against his kitchen wall, looking more refreshed than before. “Do you want another cup for the road?” 

“No thanks, it’ll keep me up all night.” 

Jinyoung hummed in understanding. He kept to himself, trying to distract his focus from the man a few feet away from him but it didn’t work. He felt Jackson’s eyes on his back, his stare boring holes in his muscles. He couldn’t take the burning sensation anymore so he turned, leaning against his kitchen counter to stare back at him. 

The Chinese man was applying chapstick to his lips, eyes never leaving Jinyoung’s person. The younger could see his mouth shine under the lights, the gloss sparkling. It was very distracting. Jackson’s very distracting. When he slipped the little tube back into his pocket, his stare was unwavering.

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” Jinyoung squirmed under his look, shifting his weight from foot to foot.  

“Because you’re beautiful.” 

Jinyoung snorted. There was no hesitation, no joking manner in his words, it made the younger feel lighter but also brought him down. He says that to everyone. 

“Cut the crap, Jackson, you’re flirting isn’t getting you anywhere.” Yes, it is. It’s shooting straight through Jinyoung’s heart, making him bleed out the love and affection he holds for one man and one man only. 

“Really?” He pushed off the wall, clasped his hands behind his back, and sauntered over to the black haired man. There was a spark of playfulness in his eyes that shined brighter than the moon. “I was hoping it would get me a second date.” 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, an amused sound escaping his lips like one would give a puppy playing with his tail. We watched as Jackson came closer to him, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. 

“You’re pushing your luck, Jack. However,” a grin broke out on his face as Jackson shimmied to a stop in front of him, a few inches away, hope shining in his eyes, “if you get me a few souvenirs then I’ll think about it.” 

“You’re not cheap, are you?” The Chinese man reached for Jinyoung’s arms, uncrossing them to drape across his shoulders then hold his hips in a steady grip. 

“I’m adorable, not affordable.” 

They shared a laugh, one full of enjoyment. Jackson’s eyes never left his own, even when his hands smoothed down Jinyoung’s thighs, hooking them behind his knees to lift the singer up on the counter to stand between his spread legs. His breath hitched at the loss of footing, heart beating jackhammer quick. Jinyoung looked down at him, gaze trailing from his big brown eyes to his button nose to his plush lips. One of his hands began tracing his features again, smoothing over soft skin to stop and cup his cheek. 

Jinyoung felt time slow and his senses heightened. A small fire burned in his stomach at the intense look Jackson’s giving him, the fire then moved to his skin, searing wherever the rapper touched. Jackson’s hands moved from his thighs, up to his waist, holding him, caressing him. Jinyoung felt his control dissolving the longer they looked at each other. He knew Jackson was looking at his mouth just as much he was looking at the brunettes. Jinyoung wants to kiss him, slam their lips together, turn them red and swollen. He wants Jackson, in every way possible. 

A shrill ringtone broke their moment, making them both jump up in surprise. It was loud and obnoxious, annoying Jinyoung to no end. Like Yugyeom. 

Jackson dug the device out of his pocket, pressing the green button with more force than necessary. 

“What?” He asked, annoyance clear in his voice. The person on the other side sounded just as annoyed, a deep, peeved off voice snapping back at him. Boytoy wasn’t having it tonight it seems. The life of Jackson’s friend and his part-time babysitter is never-ending. 

They went back and forth for a few minutes, conversing (more like bickering) about their early flight tomorrow and packed schedules. Jinyoung picked up on Jackson’s irked mood and decided to bring his head to his chest, hand tangled in his hair as he slumped forward, body beginning to relax under Jinyoung’s soft touches. He’s seen Youngjae do this exact act with Coco and it instantly calms her down, who knew it would work with a grown man. 

“Alright. I’ll be right there, just give me twenty minutes.” Jackson finally hung up his call with a rushed goodbye and buried his face in Jinyoung’s sweater, a long and loud groan emitted from his lips. 

The black haired man chuckled. “Told you he’d be worried.” 

“He’s definitely worse than my mom and Jaebeom.” Jackson tightened his arms around Jinyoung’s waist once more, burrowing deeper into his embrace. 

“I don’t want him breaking down my door and dragging you out, Seun-ah. You need to leave.”

Jackson whined, stomping his feet like a toddler would, but he released Jinyoung. He pouted as they made their way to the exit, brows furrowed in annoyance and lip hanging low. Jackson glared at his shoes before Jinyoung nudged him, telling him to put them on then opened his door. He had to push the rapper through the threshold to get him out of his small hallway. 

“Jackson, don’t be difficult,” Jinyoung scolded, voice stern as they faced each other. He leaned on his doorway as he gave the elder a pointed stare. 

“Normally, dates don’t end with the person kicking me out of their house.” 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, nodding to give him some sort of encouragement to continue. If he wants to stall time then the Korean man could give him a few more minutes. “And how do dates usually end? If you don’t mind telling me.” 

Jackson visibly swallowed. Jinyoung didn’t know why. “You’ve read those trashy romance novels. A date isn’t complete until the couple kiss.” 

Jinyoung felt dizzy. If Jackson really wants to kiss him, then he would’ve done it a long time ago. He’s always the one to make the first move, the one to initiate physical contact, the one to openly flirt. Jinyoung can’t do this, not now when his self-control of not dragging Jackson back into his apartment and having his way with him is crumbling with every second. He needs to end this charade, this dumb game, now. The only way to respond to his teasing is to come back with sharp words of his own. 

Jinyoung feigned a gleeful smirk, his lips curling at the corners. “Take me out on a second date and we’ll see where we go from there.” 

The smile that bloomed on Jackson’s face made Jinyoung confused. It seemed real, almost like he’s looking forward to it. No, he’s probably happy they’re hanging out again. After one week apart anyone would be happy to see a friend. Yeah, that’s it. 

Jackson began walking backward with a goofy smile on his face. “Prepare yourself, Park Jinyoung, I’ll take you out on the best second date anyone could imagine.” 

The singer’s chest tightened as a laugh bubbled in his throat. “Good night, Jackson.”

“Good night.” He waved before turning and walking down the hallway. He seemed to have a hop in his step as he rounded the corner and out of sight. 

Jinyoung went back into his apartment, heart hurting and mind running a mile a minute. Just like any other day.


	10. Drunk On You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys follow me on twt @/omgmiahk (shameless plug lmao) then you'd see that i posted a tweet saying "i apologize in advance for the newest chapter of chapped" and i completely meant it, this chapter is a whole mess, the angst is high, just saying. pls enjoy it bc chapped is coming to an end soon, next chapter is our last!! thank you guys for sticking with me through this wild ride, i hope you like this chapter <3

Yugyeom was about to do the riskiest thing he thinks he’s ever done. He looked up to the ceiling in a silent prayer and mentally prepared himself. 

Should he call his mom? He needs to tell her he loves her one last time. No, he should call BamBam first, his partner in crime needs to know he’s the most precious person in his life before he dies, or gets bodily injured to a point where no one could recognize his body. 

Yugyeom took a deep breath then stepped forward. 

“Yugyeom.”

“Yes hyung?”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m hugging you.

“Why?”

“Because you need one.” 

Jinyoung tried to shove him off his back but the boy held on. “I don’t need a hug, get off”

The older singer struggled, but Yugyeom tightened his hold. He pinned Jinyoung’s arms to his sides as the elder attempted to break free, but it was useless. The added height and his newly formed muscles from joint gym workouts with BamBam and Youngjae made the dancer a force to be reckoned with. 

“I swear to God, Yugyeom let go.” Jinyoung tried to elbow the younger’s stomach but his attacks were weak and messy. 

“No, you need to calm down. You’re drunk and you’ve been ranting about Jackson-hyung for an hour.” 

Jinyoung stepped on Yugyeom’s foot, making his hold slacken so he could finally break free. The shorter man took a few steps back only to slump against the wall of his kitchen. 

“I’m not dr-drunk.” Jinyoung tried to hide the slur of his words, but his red face and stumbled steps spoke otherwise. “I only had one beer.” 

“No, hyung, you had two.” 

The maknae watched as his friend stomped back into his living room and practically fell onto his sofa. He picked up his forgotten beer can and chugged the rest then blindly searched for another. He popped the tab open, bringing the can to his lips and took a huge swig. A few drops trailed down his chin. 

“Now I had two.” 

Yugyeom watched with a heavy heart as Jinyoung continued to drink his sorrows away. It wasn’t supposed to end like this, they were supposed to hang out and talk, something the pair haven’t done in a long time, but the second Jinyoung took a sip of his first beer, it went downhill from there. In hindsight, maybe Yugyeom shouldn’t have brought a six-pack but his tolerance is higher than the older singer’s so he assumed Jinyoung would have one and be fine. 

But now, with Jinyoung pounding his third beer of the night and slurring his words as he continued to tell Yugyeom he wasn’t drunk, the boy realizes he fucked up. 

“And for the record!” Jinyoung paused his speech to let loose a burp that had the dancer moving away from him. “I didn’t talk about that bastard all night!” 

“Hyung, yes you did.” Yugyeom moved to sit in one of the armchairs next to the couch in hopes of Jinyoung not splashing his alcohol all over him. “You were saying how Jackson-hyung doesn’t care about you enough to stop playing games.”

“And he doesn’t!” Another burp. “I’ve been trying to flirt with him but-“ one more, “-he doesn’t understand me. That’s his way of re-rejecting me.” 

“Jackson-hyung isn’t rejecting you, we’ve been over this.” 

“Then why hasn’t he kissed me yet?” Jinyoung’s voice was growing in volume. “I’ve done everything I could think of and he still doesn’t know I love him.” 

“Hyung, have you tried telling him you love him?” Yugyeom tried to reach for the beer can in the elder’s loose grip, but Jinyoung snatched it away only to finish it in a few gulps. 

“And what would that do? He doesn’t love me, why would he?” Jinyoung hiccuped then slouched in his seat. His lip began to quiver while big crocodile tears formed in his eyes. 

Uh oh. This is going to end badly. 

“Maybe he hates me.” 

With that, the tears dropped and Jinyoung curled into himself. He buried his head between his knees as sobs violently raked his body. His wails echoed, making Yugyeom frown. His heart reached out to his friend in his struggle of love. Yugyeom knows the pain of wanting to confess to someone but is too scared to follow through, he’s had his share of heartache in high school, but that was puppy love. The type where he’d get butterflies in his stomach looking at the girl he likes and give her chocolates without telling her why just to see her smile. But this type of love is different. 

Yugyeom’s seen what it can do to a person, Jackson’s outburst in that cafe a month ago and his small breakdown in the car is proof that loving someone can take a toll on them. Despite getting a glimpse at the rougher patches of being in love, like right now with Jinyoung crying but also stuffing his face with a choco pie, Yugyeom’s seen the beautiful side of it. 

The way Jackson is so gentle when he latches onto Jinyoung like if he makes one wrong move the black-haired man might recoil from him or how Jinyoung always teases Jackson with harsh words only to smooth it out with tender smiles is their way of showing their affection for each other. They bring out the best in each other while also the worst, shining each other in light only to dim it down with a dark shadow soon after. It’s a beautiful thing, but all beautiful things have a side no one wants to see. 

Another sob broke through the cold silence of the room. Jinyoung lifted his head up to peer at Yugyeom with red eyes. There were shining tear stains on his cheek and a bit of chocolate on his upper lip. 

“Does he think of me?” 

Jinyoung’s voice was so small and fragile Yugyeom was afraid he might shatter. He moved from his lonely chair to envelop the older boy in a warm hug. Jinyoung sniffled and snuggled closer to him, bringing his knees up to curl on the dancer’s thighs. 

“Jackson-hyung thinks of you every day. He’s always talking about you and mentioning you in conversations. He points out random things that remind him of you.” Yugyeom rubbed his friends back in soothing circles, feeling him sob once more. 

“I do the same thing. A lot.” 

“Yeah I know, you were just explaining to me how you saw a dog and it reminded you of him.” 

Jinyoung buried his face in Yugyeom’s chest. “I miss him. I wanna see him.”

“He’s coming back in two days. Didn’t you call him today?”

“Yeah, but he cut it short because of his dumb variety show shooting.” Jinyoung shifted in the younger’s arms so he was laying down on the couch with his head in Yugyeom’s lap. “I hate when he does that.” 

A hand carded through the singer’s hair. “Hate what?”

The black-haired man closed his eyes. His words came out soft but garbled. “When I want to talk to him but he’s always busy. I just want to hear his voice.” 

“You can call him tomorrow. You should go to bed, it’s late.” It’s only six-thirty but Jinyoung needs to sleep off the alcohol. 

“I’m drunk, not stupid, Gyeom. The sun didn’t even set yet.” 

Yugyeom looked at the window and sure enough, the sun was blaring red and orange through the blinds, casting a fire onto the floor. The younger shrugged. “You should still sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

“No, I’m fine. I need water.” Jinyoung sat up and swiveled to plant both feet on the carpet. He stood on shaky legs but waved off Yugyeom’s helping arm. “I’m fine. Let me be.” 

The older singer stumbled into the kitchen, occasionally knocking into the wall only to glare at it like it insulted his mother. Yugyeom sighed as he slumped into the couch. He scrubbed his face with his hands while debating if he should just knock Jinyoung out to make him sleep. That seems easier than dragging him to bed. 

Maybe he should call Jaebeom, he’ll know how to handle drunk Jinyoung, he knows how to handle any type of Jinyoung. Their leader would talk some sense into his alcohol flooded brain and calm the younger man down to a point where he doesn’t have to hit Jinyoung over the head to make him sleep. Yeah, that’s a good idea.

Yugyeom fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed Jaebeom’s number from memory. It rang for a few moments but he didn’t answer, going to voicemail instead. Yugyeom frowned, Jaebeom always answers his calls, it doesn’t matter what he was doing or where he was, he’d answer. The dancer grew worried, is he feeling alright? Maybe he’s sick and decided to hit the hay early, he is an old man after all. Yugyeom shrugged and was about to call Youngjae, the third person apart from Jaebeom and Jackson that knew how to control Jinyoung, when he heard glass shattering in the kitchen. 

The boy jumped up and ran to the other room only to have his heart fall. Jinyoung stood in a puddle of red wine with glass shards scattered all around him. It seemed like only half the bottle ended up on the floor because the other half dripped from the elder’s mouth onto his gray jumper, staining the cloth pink. Jinyoung had a nasty scowl on his face as he stared down at his phone in his hand, eyes glistening with tears. 

Yugyeom was at his side in an instant, checking him over to see if he was hurt. “Hyung, what the hell are you doing? You said you wanted water!”

“I hate him.” 

“What?” Yugyeom blinked but shrugged off the comment to steer Jinyoung away from the glass. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you need to-“

“I fucking hate him!” Jinyoung broke free from the younger’s grasp, walking backward and stepping on a piece of glass in the process. He yelped in pain then tumbled to the floor, clutching his bleeding foot. 

“Jinyoung-hyung!” Yugyeom, thank god for the house slippers, pushed the rest of the shards away to kneel before his friend, heart rate increasing rapidly. His hands shook as he pulled the glass out, blood dripped down his heel. “Hyung, you’re bleeding. You need a doctor or-”

“I hate him. I hate him so fucking much.” 

Yugyeom, worry plastered on his face and tears threatening to fall, whipped his head up. His voice came out shrill when he asked, “Hate who?” 

“Jackson. I hate him. I never want to see him again.” Jinyoung groaned as he sat up, scooting backward until he rested on the door of his fridge. “He just played with me. He never loved me.” 

The dancer spotted a roll of paper towels on the kitchen counter. He reached up and tore a handful off then applied pressure to his friends cut. He sniffled as he tried to keep calm but his chest felt tight as he watched Jinyoung’s face convert into a glare as he stared at his phone. 

“Jackson can go to hell.” 

The tears finally fell at the poisoned words Jinyoung spat out. He was just talking about how he misses Jackson and wanted to see him. His mood swings were never this bad when he was drunk, they only made him cry and laugh at the silly things, not curse the man he loves. Yugyeom swiped the device from Jinyoung’s hand getting ready to call Youngjae when-

Oh. 

On the screen was Jackson’s updated Instagram story. He was having dinner with the cast members of his variety show. He sat at a table, smile wide and face slightly red with other people surrounding him, while a girl kissed his cheek. She was pretty from what Yugyeom could tell from her side profile with her long brown hair and high cheekbones. Her red lipstick stuck out the most, leaving a bright print on Jackson’s face. 

That’s why Jinyoung was angry. Heck, it even made Yugyeom angry. Jackson’s out having a good time with friends and with someone neither Jinyoung or Yugyeom knew, while Jinyoung is crying and wallowing in alcohol because he can’t confess to said man. This is starting to sound like a TvN drama and Yugyeom is not on board for the ride. However, he’d definitely watch it. 

“I hope he’s having a good time. He deserves it.” The venom in Jinyoung’s voice shot chills down the younger’s spine. “I bet he got a good lay.”

“Hyung!” Yugyeom’s had enough, he doesn’t have a temper compared to his older members, but the words leaving Jinyoung’s mouth made the dancer’s blood boil. “Jackson-hyung wouldn’t have a one night stand when he knows you’re waiting for him.” 

Jinyoung scoffed, the sound came out dry. “Yeah right. Jackson’s out drinking and partying, he probably fucked her once he got back to his hotel.” 

Yugyeom added pressure to his foot, making Jinyoung flinch. “Stop talking like that.” 

“Why?” Jinyoung snarled, red-stained lips shining under the lights. He looked like a mess, his hair was unkempt and eyes wild. The wine on his shirt soaked through, leaving a dark streak that he’ll only complain about when he’s sober. “It’s true. He’s probably fucking her right now.” 

“You don’t know that.”

“I know Jackson. He can’t keep his eyes off a pretty thing for too long. He’ll probably dump her right after then start looking for a new toy to play with.” Jinyoung’s voice wavered, sounding wet. Moisture fell from his eyes again. “Like how he played with me.” 

Yugyeom can’t take it anymore. He’s never seen Jinyoung so emotionally distraught before. He’s spilling out all his worries, the doubts he’s been hiding for who knows how long. He only needed a bit of alcohol to do so. 

The younger man looked at the limb cradled in his hand. The blood stopped flowing but the gash was nasty. He needs to get Jinyoung to the bathroom to clean him up, but he can’t do it alone if the elder decides to lash out. Yugyeom needs backup or, at how things seem right now, more babysitters. 

He picked up Jinyoung’s phone, ignoring how his friend tried to reach for the device and went to his contacts. Youngjae’s name sat underneath Jackson’s on his most recent list. Yugyeom pressed the main vocals contact and waited until a deep voice picked up. 

“ _Hey Jinyoungie, you’re on speaker._ ”

Yugyeom was taken aback. “Jaebeom-hyung?”

“ _Yugyeom? Why do you have Jinyoung’s phone?_ ”

“Why do _you_ have Youngjae’s phone? Where is he?” 

The sound of bedsprings squeaking came from the other side. “ _Never mind that._ ” It was Youngjae this time. “ _What’s up?_ ” 

Yugyeom ignored the weird interaction, he’ll focus on that later. Right now he needs to take care of his hyung. “I need help. Jinyoung-hyung was drinking and-“

“Youngjae? Is that Youngjae? Youuungjaaae!” Great, now Jinyoung turned into a stupid drunk.

“ _Is that hyung? How much did he drink?_ ”

“Um, three beers and half a bottle of wine?” 

The double attack of “ _What?_ ” from both main vocals made Yugyeom’s ear ring. He heard shuffling on the other side and a frustrated yell of “ _Jinyoung you dumbass!_ ” coming from Jaebeom that made the young man go rigid. He hasn’t heard him this angry in a long time. 

“ _How is he now? Did he have some water yet?_ ” Youngjae’s voice was full of worry. The bedsprings squeaked once more before keys were jingling and doors were being shut. " _Just keep him hydrated, we’re on our way._ ”

“He hasn’t had water but he stepped on a piece of glass-” before Yugyeom could continue, the phone was snatched from his hand. 

“Jae? Jae, did you see Jackson’s Instagram?” Jinyoung was slurring his words again, more than before. The mixture of wine and beer was beginning to hit him hard. “The bastard was out par-partying. Do you think the girl in the picture was g-good enough for him? S-she was probably his stress reliever.”

“ _Park Jinyoung, shut the fuck up right now,_ ” growled Jaebeom, voice stern. 

“We all know it! Jackson needed to let go so he grabbed the first girl he saw.” 

“ _Jinyoung-hyung you’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying,_ ” said Youngjae. A car engine roared to life in the background. 

“I know Jackson doesn’t love me.” Jinyoung’s face turned pale. He burped again then looked at Yugyeom. The younger felt more tears form at the agonized expression he wore. The singer’s eyes were hazy and far away, the normally warm orbs were dark that they were almost black. His exterior was a mess, but his interior seemed broken. “Jackson never loved me. He only flirted to get me in bed with him too.” 

Those where Jinyoung’s last words before he let out one finally burp along with the choco pies he inhaled not too long ago. 

Yugyeom recoiled as Jinyoung vomited on himself, the red stains on his thin gray hoodie were now a disgusting brown color. The younger man gagged at the sight and snatched Jinyoung’s phone from his hand before it could fall in the mess. He stood up in a haste, wanting to get a good distance away from his friend. 

“Jaebeom-hyung please hurry. Jinyoung-hyung just threw up. I didn’t even know that color existed.” 

“ _We’re ten minutes away, Gyeom, don’t worry. If you can, get him into the shower. I’ll take it from there._ ”

“Alright. See you soon.” 

Yugyeom hung up then peered down at his hyung who had half a mind to tug off his ruined jacket. Jinyoung tossed it to the side then slumped against the fridge. 

“Yugie Yugie Yugie! Can you g-get me a new shirt?” The elder looked up at him with droopy eyes and a piece of choco pie on his lip. Jinyoung soon dropped his head onto his chest like it took too much effort to hold it up. He’ll fall asleep soon, he always does when he drinks. 

Yugyeom let out an angry huff of air. He stomped over to the sink and filled a glass of water then returned to crouch in front of Jinyoung. The older singer lifted his head a bit, mouth open to say something, but Yugyeom threw the water on his face before a word could escape. 

“You need to cool off hyung.” He put the glass on the counter then grabbed Jinyoung’s bare bicep. “C’mon, let's get you into the shower. You need to sober up.” 

Jinyoung put up little resistance when Yugyeom hauled him to his feet. He was still unstable but the dancer looped an arm around his waist and threw Jinyoung’s own over his shoulder. They maneuvered around the broken glass and into the hallway leading to the bathroom. 

They made it to the small room when the singer asked in a giggly voice, “Yugyeom, have I ever told you I love you?” 

The younger rolled his eyes. Only Jinyoung can go from a heartbroken rage to a bubbly idiot minutes after. “You must be really drunk, hyung. You never tell me you love me.”

“Well, I love you.” Jinyoung tried to plant a sloppy kiss onto his cheek but Yugyeom backed away last minute.

“Save those for Jackson-hyung.” The taller man plopped Jinyoung on the sink counter then went to the shower to blast it on the coldest setting. He turned only to be met with a hard frown on his friends face. 

“I hate him. Don’t say his name.” 

“Bullshit. You love Jackson-hyung.” 

Jinyoung’s head lolled to the side, heavy and limp. “Yeah, I do. But I still hate him.” 

“Whatever floats your boat.” Yugyeom walked over to him then gestured for the elder to remove his pants. “Jump in, hyung.” 

Jinyoung slipped out of his vomit and wine-stained sweats, leaving him in his underwear. “I’d don’t wanna strip for you, Yugyeomie.” 

“I don’t want you to strip for me either.” 

“I’d rather strip for Jackson.” 

The younger man nodded as he watched his friend struggle to untangle his feet from the leg holes. “Yes, hyung, I know.” 

“I wanna have his babies.” 

“That’s nice, hyung, but I don’t think that’s how things work.” 

Yugyeom steered the shorter man to step into the shower while ignoring his protests of how it _could_ work, but his mumbled words fell on deaf ears. Once inside, the cold water hit him square in the face, making Jinyoung squeal and flail his arms up to block the stream. He backed up until his back hit the wall and he sunk to the floor. Yugyeom, getting real fed up with babysitting, grabbed Jinyoung so he was sitting upright and not flat on his back. 

“You need to work with me. I’m not gonna baby you.” He wiped the water from his friend's eyes so could open them. His irises were still dark. 

“I don’t need any help. I can do this by myself.”

Yugyeom let out an amused snort. “You’d probably drown yourself.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” 

The younger man, knowing Jinyoung would probably forget everything that happened tonight, gave him a good smack on the head. 

The pair went back and forth with mindless bickering about how Jinyoung is perfectly capable of washing himself when the peppy chime of the keypad unlocking sounded from the door. 

“Yugyeom? Jinyoung-hyung?” The maknae has never been so happy to hear Youngjae’s loud voice. 

Yugyeom sprung up from his crouch beside the singer, shaking his hands free of suds, then ran out of the bathroom to envelop both Jaebeom and Youngjae in a bear hug. 

“Thank God you guys are here, I was about to go insane.” 

“Where’s the idiot?” Asked Jaebeom when he was released. He threw his coat onto the couch then rolled up his long sleeve shirt to the elbows. 

Yugyeom pointed down the hall to the open bathroom door. “He’s in the shower, but be warned, he’s armed with soap and a loofa.” 

“Hyung, please don’t drown him,” said Youngjae as he took off his own jacket. 

“I’m making no promises. You two go clean up the kitchen, I can smell his puke from here.” 

Jaebeom marched to the bathroom with his face in a hard scowl but his eyes were tender. The last thing the younger two singers heard before the door slammed shut was Jinyoung’s cheerful shouts of “Jaebeomiiiiie!”

* * *

It took them a while to clean the kitchen. After having a very heated game of RPS, Yugyeom lost and had to clean the choco pies off the floor. It took them longer than expected, but once the kitchen was free of glass and cheap wine, the singers plopped onto the couch. 

“I’ve never seen that shade of brown before,” said Youngjae. “How many did he eat?”

“I lost count after six.” Yugyeom reclined in his seat and scrubbed his face with his hands. “I feel bad, I shouldn’t have given him beer. I knew he was having a stressful week so I thought he could unwind a little. I didn’t know he’d get himself wasted.”

Youngjae ruffled his hair, eyes turning soft at the pouting boy. “It’s fine, Gyeom. Jinyoung-hyung shouldn’t have gotten himself wasted in the first place.”

Yugyeom shook his head. His stomach churned with guilt. “I still feel like it’s my fault. I asked him about Jackson-hyung and that’s when things went downhill. He ranted for an hour then saw that picture on his story and completely lost it.” 

“I saw that too, hyung should’ve never posted that photo. I bet the fans are blowing up his phone right now.” Youngjae copied the younger and slouched more into the couch. “He’s so stupid.” 

“Both of them are stupid.” Jaebeom appeared on their right, seating himself in the armchair next to the couch. The front of his shirt was soaking wet and there were bubbles in his hair. He looked exhausted like he just finished washing a toddler. 

“Where’s hyung?” Youngjae stood up and sat closer to their leader. He brushed the bubbles out of his hair then wiped a stray water drop off his cheek. 

Yugyeom watched the scene with raised eyebrows and wide eyes. This is interesting. 

“I put him to bed. After he almost choked himself with his shirt I had to rub his back before he stopped crying. I bandaged his foot too, he should be fine.” Jaebeom looked like he was about to pass out any second. His eyes were droopy and he melted into Youngjae’s every touch, almost like a cat. 

“Hyung cried over Jack again?” Yugyeom felt his chest tighten. He hates when he sees his friends cry, but knowing they’re crying over each other is worse. 

Jaebeom nodded. “He’s so fucking stupid. Does he realize how much shit he’s gonna have to crawl out of? He just dug his own grave by posting that picture.” 

“I checked social media, everyone’s freaking out over it.” Youngjae held up his phone. 

There were countless posts of fans asking if it’s true that the girl and Jackson are together. 

There were the obvious fans crying over him being taken off the market while others were crying because Jackson found someone that loves him just as much as they do. If only they knew the person who loves Jackson unconditionally is in his bedroom snoring. 

“I just don’t understand.” Yugyeom sat up to reach for a bag of opened chips on the coffee table. “If Jackson-hyung is in love with Jinyoung-hyung, then why would he post a picture of a girl kissing him? Why would he even let the girl kiss him?”

“Maybe he’s drunk too?” Youngjae snatched the bag and took a few chips. “Sober Jackson wouldn’t do something like that.” 

“Drunk or sober, Jackson is still a dumbass.” Jaebeom also took the bag. Yugyeom narrowed his eyes at his stolen chips. “He better fix this before he returns or else we’re all in trouble.” 

It was quiet for a few moments, the only sounds were chips crunching and Jinyoung’s snores from down the hall. Yugyeom’s heart still felt heavy with guilt. If he didn’t bring the alcohol then Jinyoung wouldn’t have drank. If he didn’t ask about Jackson then the older singer wouldn’t have gotten angry and hurt himself in the process. It’s his fault this night that started off fun and full of good times then ended with Jinyoung hurting more than he was before. 

“Yugyeom.” Jaebeom’s soft voice broke the younger out of his thoughts. He picked his head up to lock eyes with his leader. “You’re thinking out loud. It’s not your fault, none of it is.” 

“He’s sad, hyung. He’s sad and angry and in pain. You heard what he said on the phone, he thinks Jackson-hyung moved on and only played with him.” Yugyeom’s voice sounded wet, his face scrunched up to hold back the tears threatening to fall. 

Youngjae moved from Jaebeom’s side to collect the bigger boy in his arms, Yugyeom clutched at his friend's shirt as a sob broke free. He’s always been prone to crying whenever there was drama that doesn’t involve him. He can’t stand it when his members are hurting, it makes him hurt just as much. 

“At this point, I think we all know Jackson-hyung would never treat Jinyoung-hyung like that. He’s a lot of things, but he’s definitely not a cheater.” Youngjae stroked the younger boys silver hair, instantly soothing him. 

“He can’t cheat if they were never dating in the first place,” said Jaebeom. He stuffed the last few pieces of chips in his mouth. 

Yugyeom retracted himself from Youngjae’s hold. He wiped his eyes free of tears. He smiled at his friend in thanks then looked at Jaebeom. “Mark-hyung once told me someone’s drunk words are sober thoughts. Did Jinyoung-hyung ever tell you about how he felt towards Jackson-hyung?”

Jaebeom seemed to mull over his answer. He threw the empty chip bag on the table then brought his knees up to his chest on the small chair. He really does resemble a cat. 

“Jinyoung doesn’t believe in Jackson’s feelings. He thinks he’s nothing special compared to the other people Jackson knows.” 

“What? That’s so dumb, hyung’s awesome!” Yugyeom exclaimed. 

“He doesn’t think so. Jinyoung believes he’s just a passing fling, a new toy for Jackson to flirt and mess around with until he finds something better.” Jaebeom sighed. It seems like Yugyeom isn’t the only one who’s being weighed down by his friend's pain. “Jinyoung wants Jackson, he loves him and wants to be with him, but he doesn’t realize Jackson feels the same.” 

Yugyeom frowned. “How can he not? They’re practically all over each other whenever they’re together. Jack even told me that he’s going to tell Jinyoung-hyung about his feelings.” 

Youngjae snorted. “Well, as you can see, that didn’t happen yet. Jackson-hyung is afraid of rejection, he doesn’t want to tell Jinyoung-hyung just to get his heartbroken if the feelings aren’t mutual.”

“But they are!” Yugyeom whined. He can’t believe how oblivious his friends are. If there was a prize for the most absentminded fools in love, Jackson and Jinyoung take the cake. “Can’t we just tell then they want each other’s di-”

“Finish that sentence and you’re grounded.” Jaebeom narrowed his eyes at his younger friend. “It’s bad to swear.” 

Yugyeom scoffed and rolled his eyes. No matter how old is gets his hyungs still treat him like a baby. He doesn’t it mind, of course, but when they keep him from doing normal things like swearing, he gets annoyed. Jaebeom should be the one taking his own advice, his vocabulary mostly consists of swear words. 

“We’ve told Jinyoung-hyung Jack loves him, but until he says it himself, hyung won’t believe anything,” said Youngjae.

“Jackson knows Jinyoung has feelings for him, he just needs to get his shit together and tell him he feels the same.” Jaebeom began searching for more snacks on the coffee table and grinned when he found an unopened package of choco pie. “They both need to get their heads out of their asses.” 

“I just want them to be happy. I see the way Jackson-hyung looks at Jinyoung-hyung. It’s cute and anyone could see how much he loves him. It’s really gross.” Yugyeom chuckled then looked at Jaebeom. “It’s kinda like how you look at Youngjae-hyung.” 

Both idols visibly paled and that just confirmed Yugyeom’s hunch. Him and BamBam’s ongoing bet of if Jaebeom finally told Youngjae his feelings is coming to a close soon. The dancer just needs to find out who confessed first and then he’s twenty thousand won richer. 

“Well you look at BamBam likes he’s your everything,” Jaebeom defended, ears tinged a light pink. 

“He is my everything. He’s my partner in crime. My ride or die. The ice to my choco. The...” Yugyeom trailed off of his loving BamBam spiel to emit a loud yawn. He didn’t notice how tired he was until he sat down. His limbs felt heavy and he kept blinking his eyes to fight off the bleariness. 

Jaebeom’s eyes softened, becoming pools of brown. He stood up then gathered the empty beer cans and snack wrappers. “You should go home, Gyeomie. It’s getting late.” 

“It’s only eight, hyung.” 

“Exactly, it’s past your bedtime.” Jaebeom went into the kitchen to dispose of all the trash. He came back with another bag of chips. 

Yugyeom snorted as he stood up. “I haven’t had a bedtime in years.”

“Well, then it’s past my bedtime.” Jaebeom ruffled the younger singer’s hair, ignoring the mumbled “old man” comment from Youngjae. 

“Actually, Yugie, maybe you should stay and make sure Jinyoung-hyung is alive in the morning,” Youngjae said as he grabbed their coats. 

The boy nodded. He’s not about to leave him. Jinyoung took care of Yugyeom for years now it’s his turn to take care of his hyung. 

The taller boy walked the pair to the door. As they were putting on their shoes. Yugyeom couldn’t help his worries overflow. He picked at the seams of his shirt and asked, “They’ll be fine right? They can make it?” 

Jaebeom looked up from tying his shoes to sigh. It wasn’t a sigh one lets out because they don’t know the outcome or they’re in thought of their words. It was more like he found Yugyeom’s worries cute. 

“If there’s anything I’ve learned after more than a decade with Jinyoung, it’s that he doesn’t give up easily. He might whine and cry over it, but in the end, he comes out on top. When he’s ready, he’ll tell Jackson everything.” Jaebeom clapped a hand on Yugyeom’s shoulder. It was warm and comforting. “Jinyoung knows what he wants, he’ll get his happy ending.”

“So will Jackson-hyung,” Youngjae was at the dancer’s side with an arm around his waist, “both of them will make it. They might’ve had some bumps in the road, but their happily ever after is coming soon.” 

Jaebeom ruffled Yugyeom’s hair once more. “Just watch, Gyeomie. Jackson and Jinyoung made it this far, they just need to take that final step.” 

Yugyeom nodded. His chest felt lighter, not as tight and full of guilt. He believes Jaebeom’s word, he’s never been wrong before and he won’t be wrong now. 

The three exchanged goodbyes then Yugyeom went back into the living room. He dropped to the couch and threw an arm over his eyes. He felt his heartbeat slow to a steady rhythm and his body relax. Sleep was about to overtake his calming mind when he heard quiet sobs from down the hall. Yugyeom instantly sprung up and rushed to Jinyoung’s room. The singer was hugging a pillow when the younger walked in, his sobs coming out muffled but loud enough for Yugyeom to feel his heart cry too. 

“Hey, hyung,” said the dancer as he sat next to Jinyoung’s curled form. He placed a hand on his back and rubbed soothing circles. He felt the elder’s body shake with every breath he took, it made Yugyeom’s heart hurt more. “Hyung it’s okay, you’re okay.” 

Jinyoung turned to face the young vocalist, eyes opened a crack as shining tears streamed down his face. “Ja-Jackson?” 

Yugyeom clenched his free hand. Even when Jinyoung was sleeping he thought of Jackson. The hand on his back moved to Jinyoung’s face, wiping the tears away then said, “Yeah, it’s me, Jinyoungie.” 

Jinyoung’s own hand blindly searched until it cupped Yugyeom’s face. He tried to open his eyes wider to peer at the younger but he just settled for stroking his cheek. “Jackson, hold me.” 

Yugyeom was hesitant. He didn’t want to give Jinyoung the false hope that he was in Jackson’s arms, he doesn’t deserve that. But when the black-haired man dropped is hand to ball his fist in Yugyeom’s shirt then whispered a strangled " _Please"_ his resolve broke and he was crawling under the covers to gather Jinyoung in his arms. The sobbing stopped along with his tears when the older singer buried his face in Yugyeom’s chest. 

Jinyoung felt small, vulnerable. This is a side of him the dancer’s never seen before. It was fragile and open, waiting for a moment where he was at his weakest to break. Jinyoung seemed to shatter in his arms and Yugyeom will pick up the pieces to put him back together. It’s the least he can do. 

Jinyoung sniffled once more before snaking an arm across Yugyeom’s torso and nuzzled into his embrace. “I love you, Sseunie.” 

The younger choked up. A lump formed in his throat at the broken tone in his voice. He didn’t trust his own voice to not break as well, so Yugyeom settled for placing a soft peck at Jinyoung’s hairline. The elder fell asleep soon after, his hold on Yugyeom tighter, stronger like he’s afraid _Jackson_ might leave him.

Yugyeom felt anger boil in his stomach. He isn’t easily provoked by things that don’t include himself, but Jackson hurt Jinyoung by posting that stupid picture and by doing that, he hurt the boy too. Whatever he’s doing right now, Yugyeom hopes Jackson is enjoying his night because his other half certainly didn’t enjoy his.

* * *

Jackson is fucking miserable.

His head is pounding and he feels like cement is churning in his stomach. His throat burns with every sip of tequila from the bottle he ordered, like fire racing down his gullet at a fast pace. 

He’s slouching in the armchair next to his hotel bed with the bottle in one and his buzzing phone in the other. The constant vibration from every notification from every social media platform he owns is turning his palm numb. The buzzing just amplified his headache while the alcohol sloshing in his stomach isn’t soothing anything down either but it’s the only coping mechanism he can think of right now. 

Jackson took another long swig from his bottle when he glanced down at the screaming device. He has thousands of messages from fans and friends all asking the same question: who’s the girl? Is she your girlfriend? Is the wild and sexy Jackson Wang finally off the market? 

He answered as many messages as he could, all with the same response, a straight no. The girl in the picture is one of the contestants on the variety show he’s shooting. Over the past few days they’ve spoken a lot on and off the camera, even exchanged phone numbers and talked about future plans to hang out when Jackson comes back to China. He thought he was being friendly, but she had other ideas. 

Her advances went completely over Jackson’s head. He should’ve known from the beginning that she was interested in him, but the sly looks and overly sweet touches seemed normal, she did it to the other girls on the show, but Jackson was the only guy she ever talked too. The way she’d always seek out the rapper after every shooting and make up an excuse as to why she needed his help with fixing her mic did throw him off, but Jackson thought he was helping a _friend._  Her constant presence around him made him feel uneasy, especially when she’d randomly touch him out of nowhere with either a hand caressing his arm or cheek. All of that was off-camera but the way she stared at him on camera had the same effect. 

Tonight was their last shooting so the staff and producers took the contestants out for dinner, a final goodbye and the last chance to share good memories with friends. Of course, Jackson was bouncing from person to person, saying how much fun he had with them and hoping they can meet again soon. By the end of the night, he made it to everyone except the girl. When Jackson wanted to take a picture to preserve the night, the girl plopped down next to him and landed one right on his cheek as the camera shutter went off. Jackson was so engrossed in trying to wrap his head around what just happened at he didn’t realize he didn’t grab his phone before standing from the table and excusing himself to the restroom. 

He locked himself inside and stared at his reflection. The bright red lipstick print shined on his face, a mark that burned him more than the alcohol in his stomach. He scrubbed his face until it was raw, trying to get the feeling of lips he didn’t want on him, off. By the time the lipstick was gone, Jackson was losing it. He needed to speak with someone he knew wouldn’t tell him to not reject the girl, someone who knew of Jackson’s current love situation and could help him. He needed Mark. 

He patted down his person but when he realized his phone wasn’t on him, that’s when he freaked out. Jackson rushed out of the restroom, on a hunt for his phone, when he was cornered by the girl. 

“You didn’t give me the response I was expecting, Jacky,” she said in a honey-sweet voice. Her hand grazed his arm and slipped into his palm. “Do you want me to even out the other side?”

Jackson recoiled from her, gently pushing her wandering hands away and taking a step back to calm his racing heart. He didn’t like this, he felt uncomfortable with her around but he didn’t voice himself in fear of hurting her feelings. Now that he knows what her intentions are, he doesn’t care. 

“Listen, Daiyu, you’re a really nice girl, but I don’t have the same feelings for you.” Jackson tried to let her down easy, but that approach didn’t go as planned. She took another step towards him, pushing him back until he was trapped between a wall and her. 

“You flirted back. You helped me win the challenges. You seemed to like me just as much.” Her eyes were like a lion and Jackson was her whimpering prey. 

“I was being a friend. I’m sorry, but I, um,” Jackson began to sweat, his palms were slippery and his heart wasn’t calming down. He needed to get back to his hotel and far away from her. “I have someone back in Korea.” 

She raised an eyebrow and hummed. Her eyes seemed to burn through Jackson, creating searing holes in his chest. “You didn’t say anything about having a girlfriend. You act like you’re single, like the person at home isn’t worth it.” 

Jackson was taken aback. Daiyu’s words rang in his ears, echoing until that’s the only thing he could focus on. Jinyoung is definitely worth it, there’s no doubt in the rapper’s mind that he isn’t. 

Daiyu placed her hands on Jackson’s abdomen then smoothed them up his chest. Her palms came to rest on his neck, stroking his throat with the soft pads of her thumbs. His stomach churned with uneasiness when her hazy eyes looked up at him.

 “Besides, she’s not here. What’s one night going to do?” She stepped closer to him until their fronts where flushed together and she could bring his head down to her lips. Her breath ghosted over Jackson’s ear when she said, “I could probably satisfy you better than she can anyway.” 

That’s when Jackson snapped. He grabbed her hands then spun them so she was against the wall. Anger boiled in his gut at her poisoned words, making him growl. Daiyu gasped then Jackson dipped his head to whisper in her ear. “ _He_ satisfies me like no one else could.”

He released her hands then stepped away. Jackson saw her shocked expression before he stormed out from the hallway and made his way over the person who had his phone. He snatched the device then announced to the table that he’s going back to the hotel. He thanked everyone once more before exiting the restaurant to his car outside. Jackson drove his car like he stole it, wanting to get back to his room so he could call Mark and share his horrific experience with him. 

When the Chinese man entered his room, that’s when he noticed how his phone was going off more than usual. He ignored the constant buzzing to instead drop onto his bed and dial Mark’s number. The phone didn’t even get to its second ring before the American picked up. Jackson sighed in relief at his quick response and was about to say hello, but Mark’s greeting held a bit more edge than Jackson expected. 

“ _You fucking dumbass._ ” 

For the second time that night, the rapper froze in fear. “W-what?”

“ _You heard me, you’re a fucking dumbass._ ” 

“What are you talking about? Did I do something?” 

“ _Damn right you did something!_ ” Mark’s voice rose in volume, Jackson could feel his anger burn him through the phone. “ _Don’t play stupid, Jack. You know what you did._ ”

“I’m not playing! I don’t know what I did!” Jackson’s own anger began to boil. After what he just went through, he didn’t expect his best friend to start yelling at him the moment he answered. Jackson needs comfort and maybe a pep talk, not Mark acting like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode any second. “Mark-hyung, I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”

It was quiet on the other side for a few moments before Mark said, “ _Check social media._ ”

Jackson, perplexed and slightly agitated, put Mark on speakerphone then went to his Instagram. He should’ve been prepared for the worst, but this definitely made his blood run ice cold. The most recent addition to his story was the picture taken at dinner. Jackson sat in the middle of the bundle of people, face a light red from alcohol, a smile on his face that screamed he’s but to no good, and Daiyu to his right, kissing his cheek. 

“What the fuck...” 

“ _Exactly bro. What were you thinking?_ ”

Jackson scrolled through the views, hand slightly shaking at the number of people who saw it. “I didn’t post it, someone else had my phone. They must’ve done it.” 

“ _Delete it now before this gets even worse._ ” Mark’s voice was rough, he sounded like he was stressed. Of course he was stressed, Jackson probably just put the whole group in danger. 

Faster than his brain could keep up, Jackson deleted the picture then jumped to his inbox. There were thousands of messages asking who the girl was and what her relationship is with Jackson. There were even a few articles in the mix all headlining with huge letters _Jackson Wang’s Secret Girlfriend Finally Revealed?_  

The rapper felt like throwing up. His limbs were numb and he could barely move any other part of his body besides his hands. “Mark-hyung, you need to believe me, Daiyu made the first move. She came up to me before the picture, I didn’t know she was going to ambush me.”

“ _Of course I believe you, idiot. You wouldn’t do that Jinyoung._ ”

Jackson felt like the floor under him crumbled. “Did h-he see it?” 

“ _I don’t know. Call him later, right now you need to fix this. Put a statement out there to calm down the fans, they’re going berserk."_  

His fingers had a mind of their own as Jackson jumped to every social media platform he has. He wrote whatever his racing mind could conjure up, sending it out to reassure his fans that he’s definitely still single and that Daiyu is just a friend, a friend that cornered him in the hallway and tried to get into his pants, but a friend nonetheless. Jackson even sent a quick text to his manger, apologizing for the drama and asking him to tie up loose ends. 

The Chinese man slumped in his bed, feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. “Hyung what am I going to do?”

“ _Just ignore it. It’ll take some time but things will blow over._ ” Mark sighed, rough and full of frustration. Jackson felt that sigh deep in his soul. “ _How are you feeling during all this? Who is she anyway?_ ”

Jackson dropped his phone and scrubbed his face, trying to erase the whole episode from his mind. He told Mark of his chilling encounter with Daiyu, a wave of dread taking over at the thought that she’ll be affected too and what she’ll say as her side of the story. Jackson, with shaky hands, sent another text to his manager asking to contact Daiyu’s management team and set things straight. He’s not about to have his career ruined just because he rejected someone. 

When Jackson was done reliving his nightmare, Mark was silent on the other end. The Chinese man thought he fell asleep until the older rapper sighed once more. He’s done that a lot and they’ve only been on the phone for fifteen minutes. 

“ _That’s rough, buddy._ ”

It was Jackson’s turn to sigh. “You think? My day went by so well then this shit happens.” He completely dropped to the bed, limbs heavy while his head felt like a woodpecker was trying to break free from his skull. 

“ _You did the right thing though. Daiyu seemed like she only wanted one thing, it’s good you didn’t give in to her._ ”

“I would never. She’s not who I want.” 

Mark scoffed. “ _Well let’s hope she isn’t a complete bitch and totally twists everything around._ ” 

“You and me both.” Jackson emitted a loud yawn, one that made him shiver and stretch out, feeling his joints pop. 

“ _Go to bed, Jack. Figure things out in the morning, you’re too tired to be dealing with this right now. Get some sleep._ ” Mark’s inner big brother jumped out. It’s sweet, but Jackson knows he won’t get a wink of rest. 

“Yeah, I will.” He lied, the words coming out soft. “Night hyung.” 

“ _Call me in the morning. Goodnight._ ” 

The line went dead. Jackson laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling as his phone continued to buzz every second. He tried to push his racing thoughts to the side but they kept popping back in his mind like flies. Jackson groaned. He needed to distract himself, if he only focused on his situation then things could escalate and his already horrendous headache could worsen. 

The rapper stood up from his bed and went to his suitcase. He mindlessly grabbed a pair of pajamas and trudged to the shower. Maybe if he stands under the warm spray of the water then his mind would clear, leave room for him to think. 

Of course, that didn’t work. 

Jackson stood under the showerhead for who knows how long, to a point where his fingers resembled raisins, and he still felt restless. No matter what he did, whether it was thoroughly washing his hair or his nightly skincare routine, he couldn’t stop thinking about the worst possible scenarios: Daiyu twisting the story and making it seem like it was Jackson’s fault. Fans getting angry at him for keeping a huge secret like this from them, despite it not being true. Jinyoung seeing the picture. 

Jackson’s whole body turned rigid mid conditioning. It just hit him like a freight train. If Jinyoung saw that picture then he’d think Jackson doesn’t have feelings for him, that the _thing_ they’ve established between themselves, the unspoken words and emotions none of them came to terms with, has come to an end with Jackson permanently out of the running. He can’t have that. Jackson will refuse to have that. 

The rapper jumped out of the shower, drying off and dressing as fast as he could without slipping on the wet floor, then practically leaped onto his bed to scramble for his phone. Jackson’s notifications were by the millions as countless more popped up every second. The Chinese man ignored all that in favor of heading to his contacts and scrolling far down until he saw the name _Park Gae_ with a red heart next to it. Jackson pressed the contact and held his breath. 

One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Then a fourth. And finally a fifth, then the voicemail picked up. Jackson listened to Jinyoung’s voice, smooth and melodic, telling him to leave a message after the beep, but he hung up before the sound went off.

Jackson’s body weighed him down like lead, heavy limbs moved but his mind stayed in place. Jinyoung doesn’t answer his phone most of the time, it’s not unnatural for him to miss a call once and a while. Though, the fact that he’d miss _Jackson’s call_  stung. It’s pretty late in Korea, maybe he’s sleeping. Yeah, that’s what Jackson wants to believe. 

 _Bing! Bing! Bing!_  

Jackson’s phone was a constant irritation in his ear. He glanced at the device to see messages, comments, trashy articles sent to him, and just about every single fan following him going completely insane. He even had messages from some of his close idol friends asking if this was all just a hoax. 

Jackson’s stomach boiled hot, frustration creeping up his throat, making it constrict, blocking air from getting through. He threw his phone, the device hit the wall and bounced somewhere off to his right. His notification pings came out muffled from underneath a chair. 

The Chinese man was still angry. One thing, one little thing like someone kissing his cheek blows up now he’s suddenly the talk of the town. All Jackson wanted was a nice dinner with friends and a photo to remember the good memories he made, but no. It seems like the universe enjoys fucking with him. 

Jackson sat up straight, head still pounding, hand shooting towards the hotel phone and dialing room service. He needed a shot. Or a whole bottle. Just something to relax his strained body and make him forget this whole night for awhile. He’ll probably fall asleep after a few sips anyway. 

And once again, Jackson was wrong. 

The second the hotel staff showed up to his room with a large bottle of tequila, he popped the cap open and chugged a quarter of the drink. The burn hurt, the alcohol went down his throat like fire and sloshed in his stomach. It didn’t ease his headache but it made his mind foggy enough to where he forgot about it. However, Jackson couldn’t forget about his phone that was now blaring his obnoxious ringtone. The rapper growled as he snatched the device from under the chair, mood worsening as he read the contact name. 

“Don’t say a word, I know I fucked up.” 

Jaebeom snorted on the other side. “ _It's a good thing you’ve realized it, Seun-ah, but that’s not what I’m calling you for._ ” 

“Then what? I’m not in the mood to be scolded.” Jackson took another swig from his bottle, a few drops slid down his chin. 

“ _I won’t scold you, I’m just going to continually call you an idiot._ ” 

“That’s worse.” 

“ _Good._ ” Jaebeom sighed. “ _You’re not making any dumb decisions, are you?"_  

Jackson scowled into the receiver as he plopped into the armchair. “What do you mean? I’m in my hotel room.” 

“ _You know what I mean, Jack. You better not be drinking._ ” 

“And what if I am?” Jackson looked at his bottle. He’ll probably finish it in the next hour. 

“ _You do stupid shit when you’re drunk, don’t make my night any harder than it already was._ ” 

“Your night can’t be as bad as mine.” 

Jaebeom chuckled dryly, the sound had no emotion. “ _You’re right, but dealing with a drunk Jinyoung then a drunk you wasn’t how I wanted to spend my Tuesday night._ ” 

Jackson froze. His whole body turned ice cold at his leader's words. “Jinyoung drank? Why? What’s wrong with him?” 

“ _It’s not important right now-_ ”

“Fucking tell me, Jaebeom,” Jackson snarled. 

The older idol could barely get out the words, “ _He saw it_ ” before Jackson hung up and was dialing Jinyoung’s number. 

It went to voicemail. Jackson tired again. And again. And once more. All his attempts failed, the more he heard Jinyoung’s voice telling him to leave a message, the more on edge Jackson grew. He slouched in his seat, leg bouncing while uneasiness churned in his gut. His phone still going off but it wasn’t the person he wanted. 

Jinyoung wouldn’t ignore him, even if he’s drunk. He’s a lightweight, he probably had one beer and knocked out but even then he’d still answer his phone. There isn’t a time Jackson remembers Jinyoung not answering his calls, he’d always pick up, no matter what. 

Alcohol spilled over Jackson’s chin when he drank his bottle, the overwhelming bitter flavor left a horrible aftertaste, but Jackson could care less. His head finally began to clear while his limbs turned loose, not as tense and rigid as before. 

When Jackson began his day he didn’t expect it to end with him drinking his worries away due to a misunderstanding. He doesn’t want to end his night smelling like alcohol and apprehension, but that’s how the cookie crumbles, he supposed. 

More rings sounded off from his phone, resulting in Jackson taking a sip with every notification that popped up. He made it into a drinking game that only led him to be completely out of it by his eighth swig out of the thousands that rang out. His bottle was a little more than half empty when Jackson straightened up and squinted at his screen. It was past eight, maybe he should sleep. Jackson was supposed to have a free day tomorrow to see his family one last time before he leaves, but he just wants to go back to Korea and fix this mess. He should text his manager and tell him to book an earlier flight, when he’s sober, of course. 

Right now, sleep is more on his mind than anything else. Jackson should go to bed so when he wakes up he doesn’t have a bad hangover in the morning...right after he calls Jinyoung. Sixth times the charm, he always says. 

Jackson, blurry-eyed and with an uneasy grip, dialed the number he’s known by heart for years and waited. It rang while Jackson held his breath, heart thumping at the anticipation of Jinyoung answering his phone. By the fifth chime, the rapper was about to give up all hope and hang up before the voicemail could sound off, but there was a beep, then there was shuffling on the other side. 

Jackson perked up, sitting straighter in his chair, clutching the phone a bit tighter, the hazy clouds began to disappear from his mind. He held his bottle a little closer to his chest, awaiting to hear Jinyoung’s sleepy voice-

“ _Hello?_ ”

Jackson’s skin erupted in cold goosebumps, a feeling of dread crashed over his body. He looked at the phone number, just to make sure it was correct. The familiar number was definitely Jinyoung’s but that’s not Jinyoung’s voice. 

“ _Hello?_ ” Asked the person on the line, tone drowsy and heavy with sleep. There were springs squeaking in the background. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Jackson growled, rage gripping his throat. The rapper saw red, he didn’t feel sluggish anymore, his brain and senses were on high alert as anger consumed him. Someone had Jinyoung’s phone. Someone was in Jinyoung’s house. Someone was in _Jinyoung’s bed._

“ _W-what? Jack-_ ” Began the person but they were cut off before they could get a breath out. 

“Who a-are you? Where’s Jinyoungie?” Jackson slurred, face twisting into a hard scowl. “Why the fuck are you with him?” 

“ _Hyung, listen to me-_ ” More springs were heard as the person shifted. Then there was the sound of someone else moving, blankets being tugged and a low groan, then a soft voice saying-

“ _Come back._ ” 

A fresh swell of rage rose in the rapper, making him grasp his phone so hard his hand shook. That was Jinyoung, no doubt about it, Jackson’s heard his raspy sleep voice countless times for him to recognize it instantly. The Chinese man gritted his teeth, alcohol forgotten as he stood up from his chair, the bottle tumbled to the floor, spilling its remains on the carpet. 

Jinyoung wouldn’t forget about him, he wouldn’t just throw Jackson away and grab the nearest guy to bring back to his place. As payback? Because of the picture? No, Jinyoung wouldn’t cheat on him. But he can’t cheat if they were never together, they aren’t in a relationship so Jinyoung can do whatever he wants. He’s a man with needs that needs to be fulfilled. Jinyoung can fuck whoever he wants. 

But he can’t. He belongs to Jackson and Jackson only. The rapper made a silent claim on him weeks ago, Jinyoung isn’t his property, he’s his own person, but the idol should know he’s off-limits. 

“Get the fuck away from him,” Jackson cursed, feet moving back and forth. His free hand was clenched at his side, nails digging into his palm as he paced the room. “Get out of Jinyoung’s house and far away from him.” 

“ _You need to calm down-_ ” 

Jackson growled into his phone, the sound coming out animalistic. “Don’t fucking touch what’s mine! You bastard, if you even so much as laid a hand on him I’ll fucking-“ 

“J _ackson-hyung!_ ” 

The brunette stopped his pacing, brows furring in confusion. That voice sounded familiar, he’s heard it an infinite number of times. It’s high pitched and smooth, but it held a whiny tone that struck a chord in the rapper.  

“Yugyeom?” 

“ _Yes! Now please calm down._ ” A door closed on the other side. Faint footsteps echoed through the hallway then the boy asked, “ _Hyung, what’s going on?_ ” 

Jackson’s chest clenched. Air refused to go into his lungs. “Gyeom, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was you, I thought-“ 

“ _You thought I was some creep Jinyoung-hyung spent the night with._ ” Yugyeom’s correct assumptions stabbed Jackson worse than a sharp knife. “ _Why on Earth would you think that?_ ” 

Jackson plopped on the bed, hand gripping his hair as he hunched over. His chest still ached. “B-because Jaebeom called and said Jinyoung saw that photo. I wanted to tell him that the girl means nothing to me. Th-that I love him and I-” Jackson’s voice gave out when a broken sob raked through his body. He didn’t realize he was crying until the tears spilled down his cheeks. 

“ _Hyung,_ ” Yugyeom’s voice was soft and patient, like how one would speak to a toddler. “ _Jinyoung-hyung did see that picture and he said a bunch of nasty stuff-_ ”

“What did he say?” Jackson demanded, voice wet with emotion. 

Yugyeom hesitated, then he sighed. “ _He said he hates you._ ”

Jackson’s world spiraled out. He felt his heart shatter, the pain worse than any broken bone or injury he’s ever endured. Air completely stopped coming through his lungs. The rocks that occupied his chest grew into mountains, weighing him down so much he fell to the floor in a broken heap. 

Yugyeom must’ve heard the thump because when he spoke his tone was full of concern. “ _Jack? Jackson-hyung, are you okay? What happened?_ ” 

He sat on the carpet, head slumped to his chest with his hand still holding the phone to his ear. Jackson’s body felt weak like it could give out any moment. His mind went blank, he couldn’t focus on anything besides the sound of his own unstable breaths. 

“He hates me.” Jackson’s voice was somber, coming out with no feeling. He felt his tears streak down his face, but his whole body was numb. “Jinyoung hates me.” 

“ _No, he doesn’t!_ ” Yugyeom panicked. “ _I mean, he did say that, but he doesn’t hate you. You didn’t let me finish._ ” 

Jackson could barely register his voice anymore. He curled into himself, bringing his knees up to his chest, trying to control his pitiful sobs. His hands shook as he pressed his palm into his eyes. “I fucked up, Gyeom. Jinyoung hates me and it’s all my fault, I hurt him.” 

“ _Jackson shut the fuck up and listen to me right now,_ ” demanded the boy. 

Jackson was slightly taken aback by his harsh tone and drop of formalities, but he could care less, he deserves to be yelled at. He just sniffled and stayed quiet. 

“ _Jinyoung-hyung said a lot of things. He said he hates you and you only played with his heart. He drank because he didn’t know how to deal with his emotions he kept bottled up inside until he saw that picture. He ranted about you, he cried over you."_  

Yugyeom’s words sucker-punched the breath out of Jackson. He felt empty, like a shell, crumbling away until dust remained and his existence was no more. Jackson didn’t know how much more he could take, but Yugyeom continued. 

“ _He said you’d leave him for someone else, someone who catches your eye, like a new toy or something. Then he threw up, that was really gross._ ” Disgust was clear in his voice. “ _But after Jaebeom-hyung gave him a bath, Jinyoung-hyung slept but woke up crying again. He thought I was you and told me to hold him. He said he loves you._ ” 

There were still tears streaming down his face, but Jackson’s voice didn’t break when he asked, “Jaebeom gave him a bath?” 

“ _Yeah, he did. I wasn’t about to do it._ ” 

“Was he naked?” 

“ _Hyung!_ ” Yugyeom whined. There was a foot-stomp on the other end. “ _Now is not the time to worry about your boyfriend being naked! Jinyoung-hyung said he loves you, idiot!"_  

Jackson sniffled. “He doesn’t mean it. I hurt him, Yugyeom. I made him feel worthless like I never cared about him in the first place.” 

“ _Hyung, how much alcohol did you have?_ ”

“It doesn’t matter how much I had,” Jackson scoffed. “I just need more.” 

“ _No, you’re not going to drink anymore. You’re going to come back home and fix this mess._ ” Yugyeom’s voice came out forcefully and demanding, he held no more room for child’s play, he meant business. He sounded like Jaebeom. 

“I can’t fix what’s already broken. He’s probably given up on me.” 

“ _No, he hasn’t. Do you want to know something?_ ” Jackson gave a weak hum in response. He’s pretty sure whatever the dancer is going to say won’t get him out his depressing state. “ _Throughout Jinyoung-hyung’s rants, he might’ve cursed you called you names-_ ”

“Thanks for the confirmation, Yugie.” 

“ _-but his eyes didn’t look mad. He frowned and pouted and curled his lip a lot, but his eyes were still warm when he talked about you, even if he was upset._ ”

Jackson finally picked up his head. He screwed his eyes shut, hand still slightly shaking when he asked, “Really?” 

“ _Yes. He cried a lot but his eyes still had that little spark in them. Jack,_ ” the rapper could practically see the small smile on Yugyeom’s face, gleaming with hope, “ _a drunk man's words are a sober man’s thoughts. Jinyoung-hyung was sleepy when he said he loved you. He meant it. He hasn’t given up on you and you shouldn’t give up either._ ” 

A gust of fresh air blasted Jackson in the face, making him let out the breath he’s been holding. Feeling returned to his body, ambition raced through his veins as he picked up the broken pieces of his heart, mending it back together with thoughts of the man he loves acting like glue. 

Jinyoung didn’t give up yet, he’s still fighting his inner demons and Jackson should too. He’s an idiot to think the younger man would ever spend the night with someone else, a complete dumbass, the kingdoms royal fool. Jinyoung’s waited long enough and fought back harder than expected, Jackson’s going to make sure he’ll win this fight. 

The Chinese man uncurled from his sad ball, letting himself finally breathe freely. He felt sober and wide awake like alcohol wasn’t even in his system. Jackson wiped the drying tears from his face as he stood up, heading towards his suitcase. “Yugyeom, thank you.” 

“ _Um, you’re welcome? Why are you thanking-_ ”

“I need to go, I’ll call you in the morning.” Jackson hung up on his friend before the younger could respond. 

His mind raced just as fast as his heart was. Jackson messed up, he did something that wasn’t even remotely his fault, but he’ll take the blame for it anyway. He’s going to fix the mess he’s made, he’ll pick up the pieces he broke from Jinyoung and put them back where they belong. Jackson will put Jinyoung back together and then some, he’ll make sure to end this stupid game they’re playing and come clean for the sake of both their sanities. 

Jackson’s going to tell Jinyoung the whole story, from start to finish. Then they can start their own story, together, like how it should’ve been from the beginning. 

As he was stuffing his belongs into his bag, a small tube fell out of one of the pockets. He picked it up and felt warmth bloom in his chest. The little cartoon peach on his chapstick smiled at him like he was proud of the rapper for growing a pair and finally confessing to Jinyoung. He’s been on this wild ride for just as long Jackson has. 

The rapper slipped the tube into his pocket then pressed a few buttons on his phone, holding the device to his ear tightly. 

“Good, you’re still awake,” Jackson beamed when his manager answered, “can you book me tonight’s last flight to Korea?”

**Author's Note:**

> If y'all have any questions, just wanna chat, or fangirl over GOT7, my Twitter is the same as my username: @/omgmiahk . Feedback is very much appreciated <3


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